The Empty Chair
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Empty Chair - Chap 1"The mysterious disappearance of a childhood friend
23 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Sharice is kind of a "Debbie downer" this was a disturbing site: "Their bodies pressed together and they kissed passionately, oblivious to her watching. Her chest tightened as she wanted to scream, to stop them, but no sound left her lips." there's some bitterness coming out: ""My only close relationship is with this wheelchair. Now, Sharice is the lucky one. She gets out a lot. A regular at the Lazy Saloon, especially on dance night." I'm working on catching up i've read some of them in between.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2024
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Sharice is kind of a "Debbie downer" this was a disturbing site: "Their bodies pressed together and they kissed passionately, oblivious to her watching. Her chest tightened as she wanted to scream, to stop them, but no sound left her lips." there's some bitterness coming out: ""My only close relationship is with this wheelchair. Now, Sharice is the lucky one. She gets out a lot. A regular at the Lazy Saloon, especially on dance night." I'm working on catching up i've read some of them in between.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2024
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Yes, Liz, The Empty Chair is a creepy one. Glad it was only six chapters...it was spooking me out too! Thanks for reading and commenting.
Smiles, Carol
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I hope to get to read all of the chapters I know red some I got to figure out which ones I have and which ones I still have to do.
Comment from Patrick Bernardy
Hey Carol!
I wanted to get in on one of your novels at the beginning, so I'm glad you started this one! I will just begin by giving you my thoughts as I read.
---"Her giggles were infectious as she added a splash of sugar into her cup and then her sister's, noting that Fiona would need extra to sweeten her up." --Wow, Sharice is being a meaning-butt poophead! I have no idea where this is going, but you can tell right off the bat the there are some serious emotional scars between these two sisters.
---"The sound was wet" --Oooo, what a great phrase!
---"You've been reading Poe again, haven't you?" --Yeah, that'll do it!
---So, you have set up quite a mystery here. In the first half we have Fiona having all these dreams convincing her of her guilt, and even Sharice seems like a good sister on the phone. Then, when they are together and Detective Harris is there, it's like both turn on each other. Fiona may have nailed it at the end of the chapter when she said that they are fine as a pair, but when a man makes it a trio, there's trouble. This may turn out being the theme throughout.
Just noticed a couple of things to fix up if you agree:
---"The Tell-Tale Heart, Poe's tale of guilt" --"The Tell-Tale Heart" should be in quotes because it is a short story.
---"Their bodies pressed together and [they] kissed passionately, oblivious to her watching." --Probably need another pronoun here, otherwise it's their bodies that are kissing instead of their lips. Which could be totally cool with me, but I don't think that's what you meant. *laughs*
---"anything her sister said. "No, no, you" --Some gobbledygook here with the formatting.
---"If it were Sharice, she would use her key." --I am pretty sure it is "was" here, but not 100%.
---"Fiona sighed heavily, dramatically almost." --There are a couple of -ly adverbs here in this sentence. You can leave it like it is if you want, but you may consider removing one of them.
I'm very excited to find out about this mystery. The "whodunit" aspect is already working on me, as if I'm at the beginning of one of those really good Alfred Hitchcock episodes. Will it be Fiona with her vast stores of resentment, or will it be Sharice for some other reason we are not aware of ... maybe trying to frame her sister so she doesn't have to take care of her anymore. Hmmmm. We shall see!
Patrick
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2024
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Hey Carol!
I wanted to get in on one of your novels at the beginning, so I'm glad you started this one! I will just begin by giving you my thoughts as I read.
---"Her giggles were infectious as she added a splash of sugar into her cup and then her sister's, noting that Fiona would need extra to sweeten her up." --Wow, Sharice is being a meaning-butt poophead! I have no idea where this is going, but you can tell right off the bat the there are some serious emotional scars between these two sisters.
---"The sound was wet" --Oooo, what a great phrase!
---"You've been reading Poe again, haven't you?" --Yeah, that'll do it!
---So, you have set up quite a mystery here. In the first half we have Fiona having all these dreams convincing her of her guilt, and even Sharice seems like a good sister on the phone. Then, when they are together and Detective Harris is there, it's like both turn on each other. Fiona may have nailed it at the end of the chapter when she said that they are fine as a pair, but when a man makes it a trio, there's trouble. This may turn out being the theme throughout.
Just noticed a couple of things to fix up if you agree:
---"The Tell-Tale Heart, Poe's tale of guilt" --"The Tell-Tale Heart" should be in quotes because it is a short story.
---"Their bodies pressed together and [they] kissed passionately, oblivious to her watching." --Probably need another pronoun here, otherwise it's their bodies that are kissing instead of their lips. Which could be totally cool with me, but I don't think that's what you meant. *laughs*
---"anything her sister said. "No, no, you" --Some gobbledygook here with the formatting.
---"If it were Sharice, she would use her key." --I am pretty sure it is "was" here, but not 100%.
---"Fiona sighed heavily, dramatically almost." --There are a couple of -ly adverbs here in this sentence. You can leave it like it is if you want, but you may consider removing one of them.
I'm very excited to find out about this mystery. The "whodunit" aspect is already working on me, as if I'm at the beginning of one of those really good Alfred Hitchcock episodes. Will it be Fiona with her vast stores of resentment, or will it be Sharice for some other reason we are not aware of ... maybe trying to frame her sister so she doesn't have to take care of her anymore. Hmmmm. We shall see!
Patrick
Comment Written 24-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2024
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Hi, Patrick! Thanks for dropping by to read chapter one and for your most thoughtful comments. I made the corrections and appreciate your help. I am glad to hear you thought I did okay with this chapter. There are six and I just finished posting the wrap up. It's a bit psycho for me, but fun.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Gayla putnam
This story is so Hitchcock or What ever happened to Baby Jane. I liked the flashbacks to Fiona's childhood. Since its only chapter one I am unsure but I suspect Fiona is a murderer. I await chapter 2. I could really see Betty Davis cast in the star role. gayla
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2024
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This story is so Hitchcock or What ever happened to Baby Jane. I liked the flashbacks to Fiona's childhood. Since its only chapter one I am unsure but I suspect Fiona is a murderer. I await chapter 2. I could really see Betty Davis cast in the star role. gayla
Comment Written 17-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2024
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What an awesome thought, Gayla. It's out of my norm of writing but for the season I guess it's okay to have a little fun with a story... well, I don't suppose Peyton would consider this fun...but you get what I mean, right?
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Ulla
Wow, this a great first chapter to your new book. Something is definitely going on here. Those two sisters don't quite see eye to eye. I can't wait to be reading on. Hugs, Ulla xcx
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2024
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Wow, this a great first chapter to your new book. Something is definitely going on here. Those two sisters don't quite see eye to eye. I can't wait to be reading on. Hugs, Ulla xcx
Comment Written 17-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2024
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Hi, Ulla. So nice to see you and I hope you are doing okay. Yes, this story is a creepy one and I'm not sure where my ideas discovered it in those cobwebbed corridors called my brain. Thanks as always.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Well I've already decided what I think of these two sisters, but I shall wait to see where the story does. An intriguing read, just one suggestion Carol -
Their bodies pressed together and kissed passionately. - would - they kissed passionately, work better.'
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2024
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Well I've already decided what I think of these two sisters, but I shall wait to see where the story does. An intriguing read, just one suggestion Carol -
Their bodies pressed together and kissed passionately. - would - they kissed passionately, work better.'
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 17-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2024
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I know what I think of these two young women as well and I can't imagine how they got into my brain and the story..LOL But we'll get this settled as quickly as possible and settle the matter. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Fiona and Sharice may be sisters (twins?) but there is no love between them. Fiona thinks she saw Peyton killed and has told her sister she dreamed she killed him, but she seems to think Sharice did it. She has had her sister call the police to investigate, but it could be the inspector has come because Peyton's employees are worried about him.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2024
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Fiona and Sharice may be sisters (twins?) but there is no love between them. Fiona thinks she saw Peyton killed and has told her sister she dreamed she killed him, but she seems to think Sharice did it. She has had her sister call the police to investigate, but it could be the inspector has come because Peyton's employees are worried about him.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2024
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Yes, the story has a lot of questions doesn't it? And I have no idea how these wicked people got into my mind. I hope they don't plan on staying long. thanks as always.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from LJbutterfly
Wow! This is going to be a nail-biter. The title, The Empty Chair, leads me to think Fiona can get up. Why would she call her sister and say she killed Peyton, and then act surprised when the detective arrived? Sister jealousy makes a fantastic plot.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2024
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Wow! This is going to be a nail-biter. The title, The Empty Chair, leads me to think Fiona can get up. Why would she call her sister and say she killed Peyton, and then act surprised when the detective arrived? Sister jealousy makes a fantastic plot.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2024
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Watch out for that Fiona! That girl even has me wondering what is true and what isn't. LOL Thanks for reading another one...but I miss Eleanor!
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Teri7
Carol, You just keep rolling out the good stories. This was very interesting and had me from the start to the finish. Very good descriptive words and imagery from your words. I need to take lessons from you my friend. love and blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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Carol, You just keep rolling out the good stories. This was very interesting and had me from the start to the finish. Very good descriptive words and imagery from your words. I need to take lessons from you my friend. love and blessings, Teri
Comment Written 16-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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You are too kind, Teri. I am sure you could write just as well if you gave it a shot. Look at all your beautiful poems. They are certainly full of emotions and descriptive words. Thank you for being so generous.
smiles, Carol
Comment from royowen
Wow, it's kicked off with a strong opening with dreams of murdering a man she's she's known since youth. And convinced she's murdered him, at least in her dreams, but she's convinced he likes her sister more. Beautifully written and spectacular first episode, well done Carol, blessings Roy
Typo . No! (AA)no
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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Wow, it's kicked off with a strong opening with dreams of murdering a man she's she's known since youth. And convinced she's murdered him, at least in her dreams, but she's convinced he likes her sister more. Beautifully written and spectacular first episode, well done Carol, blessings Roy
Typo . No! (AA)no
Comment Written 16-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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Thanks for reading, Roy! this one is going to have a powerful kick but should move fairly fast. It's not exactly my favorite genre with a bit of the psycho in it, but as long as it's face paced we'll get to the other side before we know it. LOL
Thanks as always,
Carol
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Good job
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Wow! you really fooled me. Payback is a bitch. You twisted things around and back again, and this is just the start. I am in thrall. More, I must have more. Have a good week writing! I'll read, Karen
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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Wow! you really fooled me. Payback is a bitch. You twisted things around and back again, and this is just the start. I am in thrall. More, I must have more. Have a good week writing! I'll read, Karen
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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Thanks so much, Karen. It's difficult to get something around you so I am thrilled that you not only enjoyed the chapter but was surprised as well. Awesome!
Smiles and hugs, Carol
