Truckin
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Truckin, Ch 10"The left lane is for passing only
11 total reviews
Comment from Jim Wile
A lot of interesting aspects to this chapter, further describing Clyde's methodology and thinking about not only the techniques he must use, but some introspection about his motivations. He wonders if he's feeling proud of his "hits" or just remaining neutral. I think he probably knows the answer to this.
As a fellow author, I understand the need for narrative during certain parts of the story, but just a caution about too much of it in a large section at the expense of dialog. You can justify it for only so long before you really need to break it up with more dialog, which is more relatable to readers. Also, a good way to get across a perhaps unfamiliar subject is to have the character explaining it to another through dialog.
I realize this is a solitary pursuit by Clyde, and who would he be explaining it to? Perhaps he could be fantasizing a dialog with Jane Ann where he's telling her all about it. At the same time, she could be acting as his conscience and questioning him about his real motivation and warning him about the safety to himself and others with this vigilante action of his. I think you could get more of his interior thoughts out this way at the same time explaining some of the details of what and how he's doing what he's doing.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2024
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A lot of interesting aspects to this chapter, further describing Clyde's methodology and thinking about not only the techniques he must use, but some introspection about his motivations. He wonders if he's feeling proud of his "hits" or just remaining neutral. I think he probably knows the answer to this.
As a fellow author, I understand the need for narrative during certain parts of the story, but just a caution about too much of it in a large section at the expense of dialog. You can justify it for only so long before you really need to break it up with more dialog, which is more relatable to readers. Also, a good way to get across a perhaps unfamiliar subject is to have the character explaining it to another through dialog.
I realize this is a solitary pursuit by Clyde, and who would he be explaining it to? Perhaps he could be fantasizing a dialog with Jane Ann where he's telling her all about it. At the same time, she could be acting as his conscience and questioning him about his real motivation and warning him about the safety to himself and others with this vigilante action of his. I think you could get more of his interior thoughts out this way at the same time explaining some of the details of what and how he's doing what he's doing.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2024
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Thank you for your thought-provoking review.
You are right. He has no one he can dialogue with, no one he would dare. And I'm afraid that a sleep/dream talk with Jane Ann would only lead to him quitting his quest - which he cannot do for the sake of the story.
I'll have to do some thinking on it. But if I come up with a way for him to talk, even to himself, I'll prob'ly get it into a rewrite rather than these last few chapters.
Thanks again.
Comment from Thesis
Another good chapter and an in-depth view of the Clyde's thinking of who should be targeted. The casual way you tell the story makes it more believable to the reader, as does the caution he exhibits traveling certain roads, and changing the color of his vehicle.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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Another good chapter and an in-depth view of the Clyde's thinking of who should be targeted. The casual way you tell the story makes it more believable to the reader, as does the caution he exhibits traveling certain roads, and changing the color of his vehicle.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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Thank you.
(I had no idea I was being casual. I guess that's good?)
smiley face here
Comment from Begin Again
Maybe Clyde is mellowing or woeking through his grief so he can see that not all the truckers are bad and he certainly doesn't want to draw others into his pursuit... He's learning that just like anything else in life, there are good truckers and there are bad ones. His vigilante ways are wrong but in his mind he doesn't think so...at least not yet.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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Maybe Clyde is mellowing or woeking through his grief so he can see that not all the truckers are bad and he certainly doesn't want to draw others into his pursuit... He's learning that just like anything else in life, there are good truckers and there are bad ones. His vigilante ways are wrong but in his mind he doesn't think so...at least not yet.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 13-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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Thank you so much. You have nailed it. But how does it resolve?
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Clyde watches the news to see what's being reported, but I wonder if he isn't also one of these people who does it to see and hear the media talking about him. Famous, without being known.
Look at "It was not all all like I would have done,"" Clyde thought." Then add "I would have ... "
Clyde is still learning his way around, it seems. Some interesting developments in this chapter.
I forget, isn't his son's family expecting him to visit? What's the story there?
Later, gator.
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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Clyde watches the news to see what's being reported, but I wonder if he isn't also one of these people who does it to see and hear the media talking about him. Famous, without being known.
Look at "It was not all all like I would have done,"" Clyde thought." Then add "I would have ... "
Clyde is still learning his way around, it seems. Some interesting developments in this chapter.
I forget, isn't his son's family expecting him to visit? What's the story there?
Later, gator.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 13-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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Thank you.
Yeah, I brushed off Clyde's family visit. I really didn't want pointed questions, or for Clyde to 'heal'. And I'm not psychologist enough to play in his head too much.
I could do a little mental gymnastics over his ego vs. his simple desire for revenge and whatever improvement he can make to the trucking industry.
Comment from Wendy G
Clyde is a very clever man, but he is not going to give up his new hobby easily, even if he puts himeself at risk. He lives by his own personal moral code, with little concern for community well-being. He seems to be generally one step ahead of his victims, but perhaps not now if they are now using the danger warning signs in the hope of not being targeted. His supposed goal of forcing the truckers into safer driving doesn't seem to be being achieved.
Wendy
Wendy
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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Clyde is a very clever man, but he is not going to give up his new hobby easily, even if he puts himeself at risk. He lives by his own personal moral code, with little concern for community well-being. He seems to be generally one step ahead of his victims, but perhaps not now if they are now using the danger warning signs in the hope of not being targeted. His supposed goal of forcing the truckers into safer driving doesn't seem to be being achieved.
Wendy
Wendy
Comment Written 13-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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Thank you. My goal is to give Clyde a degree of success, but not to glamorize his activities... or to provide a tutorial for wrong-doing. His beef is legitimate, as attested to by most American freeway drivers. Truckers have, maybe by their sheer numbers, made driving more unsafe than ever by driving acts of selfishness.
I don't hope to fix anything with this story, but maybe... Mostly I wrote it as a vent.
Comment from lyenochka
I'm happy that Clyde is conscientious and would not put other drivers in danger with his vigilante antics. I like how you tug at our heartstrings with the lack of appetite as he is still grieving. I also like that Clyde is now concerned that his activities are causing other drivers to be thought to be the "Turnpike Terrorist."
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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I'm happy that Clyde is conscientious and would not put other drivers in danger with his vigilante antics. I like how you tug at our heartstrings with the lack of appetite as he is still grieving. I also like that Clyde is now concerned that his activities are causing other drivers to be thought to be the "Turnpike Terrorist."
Comment Written 12-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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Thank you. My goal is to give Clyde a degree of success, but not to glamorize his activities... or to provide a tutorial for wrong-doing. His beef is legitimate, as attested to by most American freeway drivers. Truckers have, maybe by their sheer numbers, made driving more unsafe than ever by driving acts of selfishness.
I don't hope to fix anything with this story, but maybe... Mostly I wrote it as a vent.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Heck yeah, if Clyde's going to get a few, why not get after them all. lol. An equal opportunity hater. Okay, now you've got me caught up in all the action anxious for what happens next. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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Heck yeah, if Clyde's going to get a few, why not get after them all. lol. An equal opportunity hater. Okay, now you've got me caught up in all the action anxious for what happens next. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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smiley face here
Thank you for your great review - six stars!
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Hi Wayne,
I'm going to back read your story. I got so behind for weeks I lost track of people. You've done a great job of setting the tone with this chapter and giving us a sense of what Clyde might be going through mentally and emotionally.
The chapter is engaging and fresh.
Take care,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2024
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Hi Wayne,
I'm going to back read your story. I got so behind for weeks I lost track of people. You've done a great job of setting the tone with this chapter and giving us a sense of what Clyde might be going through mentally and emotionally.
The chapter is engaging and fresh.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment Written 12-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2024
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Thank you for your great review!
Comment from DonandVicki
I used to be a Teamster mechanic and did quite a bit of work on the road. I enjoyed your chapter but I'm a bit behind, so I'll have to go back and catch up on the rest of the story. Good work.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2024
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I used to be a Teamster mechanic and did quite a bit of work on the road. I enjoyed your chapter but I'm a bit behind, so I'll have to go back and catch up on the rest of the story. Good work.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2024
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Tha nk you. I appreciate your support.
Comment from jim vecchio
Your story just keeps on going and drawing us into the world of the trucker. I find it educational as well as dramatic, with all the explanations of all things in the trucker's world. I hope this goes on for a long time.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2024
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Your story just keeps on going and drawing us into the world of the trucker. I find it educational as well as dramatic, with all the explanations of all things in the trucker's world. I hope this goes on for a long time.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2024
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smiley face here
Thank you.
Unfortunately, there are only 4 chapters remaining.
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What am I going to do? Please have something ready to fill the hole in my reading appetite.
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I'm afraid my repertoire of acceptable stories is nearing depletion. I do have some Biblical fiction that I'm happy with, but FanStory may not be the audience.
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You are such a creative writer. I hope you will continue to write and amaze us.