Body of a Horse, Heart of a Man
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Flight From Danger"A modern twist on Greek Mythology.
18 total reviews
Comment from Esther Brown
I wish I still had a six to give you. Something about a wise horse and the girl depending on her calls to me. The pictures are beautiful and worthy of a story even without the words. Great writing. Esther
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2024
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I wish I still had a six to give you. Something about a wise horse and the girl depending on her calls to me. The pictures are beautiful and worthy of a story even without the words. Great writing. Esther
Comment Written 02-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2024
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Awww, Esther, that is so sweet!! I'll take a virtual 6 anytime!!!
Thank you so much!!
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Always welcome.
Comment from Frank Malley
This writer shows a lot of promise but could use a smart, critical editor to cut out meandering, unnecessary prose sections and explanations. Additionally, the central character's response to a very threatening situation seems unbelievably nonchalant.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2024
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This writer shows a lot of promise but could use a smart, critical editor to cut out meandering, unnecessary prose sections and explanations. Additionally, the central character's response to a very threatening situation seems unbelievably nonchalant.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2024
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Thank you for your non-meandering review.
Rhonda
Comment from lyenochka
You did a great job with this chase scene! We already feel that White Lightning is something more than a horse so she knew to take Diantha beyond the place of safety. Hope the voice they heard is a friend and not a foe!
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2024
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You did a great job with this chase scene! We already feel that White Lightning is something more than a horse so she knew to take Diantha beyond the place of safety. Hope the voice they heard is a friend and not a foe!
Comment Written 30-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2024
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Helen,
Thank you so very much for your review. I appreciate your time and attention to the chapter. They are both in for a surprise, though not so much the reader.
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from Ulla
Hi Rhonda, I especially love the deep bond between the rider and horse. As I have owned so many horses, this came across very strongly.
Now we will see how the story evolves. Ulla xcx
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2024
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Hi Rhonda, I especially love the deep bond between the rider and horse. As I have owned so many horses, this came across very strongly.
Now we will see how the story evolves. Ulla xcx
Comment Written 30-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2024
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Ulla, thank you for the six stars and for noticing and commenting on the horse and rider bond. I tried hard to bring that out.
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from Pam (respa)
You did a great job with this chapter, Rhonda. The bond between horse and rider was very strong, and we can sense how close they are with one another. I think Diantha is already growing in this chapter. She doesn't give in no matter how tired or scared she is, and she trusts her horse. That is very important since they both had to work together to get away from this stranger. You didn't have to say too much about him for us to know he is creepy. Added to that is we don't know the reason he is so intent on pursing Diantha.
Just as Diantha had made good progress, we wonder who this resonant voice belonged to, and
why was he there and what does he want? You did a good job creating suspense, leaving us wanting more. Very well done!!!
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2024
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You did a great job with this chapter, Rhonda. The bond between horse and rider was very strong, and we can sense how close they are with one another. I think Diantha is already growing in this chapter. She doesn't give in no matter how tired or scared she is, and she trusts her horse. That is very important since they both had to work together to get away from this stranger. You didn't have to say too much about him for us to know he is creepy. Added to that is we don't know the reason he is so intent on pursing Diantha.
Just as Diantha had made good progress, we wonder who this resonant voice belonged to, and
why was he there and what does he want? You did a good job creating suspense, leaving us wanting more. Very well done!!!
Comment Written 30-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2024
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Hi Pam,
Thank you so much for the brilliant six stars and for the deep review.
You hit on many of the major points! We will hear more about the man and why he is pursuing Diantha. And, she is definitely growing. She'll work on it some more, and with the help of new friends, even the one whose voice we've now heard.
Thanks again,
Rhonda
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You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, Rhonda. It will be interesting to see where you take us next!
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Thank you so much, Pam!!
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is well-written and draws the reader into Diantha's story as she finally escapes her pursuer. She and White Lightning share the same exhaustion as their flight ends in late morning of the next day. The story ends here on a cliffhanger as Diantha hears a loud voice answering her question to her horse.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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This is well-written and draws the reader into Diantha's story as she finally escapes her pursuer. She and White Lightning share the same exhaustion as their flight ends in late morning of the next day. The story ends here on a cliffhanger as Diantha hears a loud voice answering her question to her horse.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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Hi Carol,
Thank you so much for the six stars, my friend! Most welcome and most exhilarating!! Thank you for your comments on the horse and their shared exhaustion. You, also, noticed the man responded to the question she asked her horse!!
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
I love that picture at the end which sums up their exhaustion and submission at this point. Your chapter vividly conveys the flight from her pursuer through the woods and on a journey of which she seemingly has no control. As they appear to gain ground on the stranger and break free, she becomes less preoccupied with finding civilisation as though extreme tiredness and some other force is taking over. She still struggles to resist before the booming voice is heard. My favourite part is when she slips to the ground and we get a palpable and poignant sense of Lightning's exhaustion as she gazes at her rider, her withers trembling but still so loyal to Diantha, recognising their victory.
We can see Diantha starting to grow in confidence and belief as the pull of her family becomes increasingly weaker and she has to think for herself. Beautifully presented and expressed. Well done Rhonda. Debbie xo
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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I love that picture at the end which sums up their exhaustion and submission at this point. Your chapter vividly conveys the flight from her pursuer through the woods and on a journey of which she seemingly has no control. As they appear to gain ground on the stranger and break free, she becomes less preoccupied with finding civilisation as though extreme tiredness and some other force is taking over. She still struggles to resist before the booming voice is heard. My favourite part is when she slips to the ground and we get a palpable and poignant sense of Lightning's exhaustion as she gazes at her rider, her withers trembling but still so loyal to Diantha, recognising their victory.
We can see Diantha starting to grow in confidence and belief as the pull of her family becomes increasingly weaker and she has to think for herself. Beautifully presented and expressed. Well done Rhonda. Debbie xo
Comment Written 29-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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Oh wow, Debbie, thank you so much for this excellent and very helpful review. Thank you, as well, for the six stars!!
You pretty much nailed most of my main points, subtle and otherwise!! You even caught on to how Diantha starts to change and think for herself once free from the controlling parents.
You also noticed the relationship between Lightning, who has given her all to deliver her mistress to safety. Again, no one else noted this part.
Thank you ever so much,
Rhonda
Comment from nomi338
Your story's magic continues to be on point. Not one ounce of the drama, suspense and action was lost on the entire episode. I am as always intrigued by the strange and as yet unexplained occurrences. I am all in and will continue to follow the happenings as they unfold.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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Your story's magic continues to be on point. Not one ounce of the drama, suspense and action was lost on the entire episode. I am as always intrigued by the strange and as yet unexplained occurrences. I am all in and will continue to follow the happenings as they unfold.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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Hi Nolan!! Thanks for popping back in on the story. I appreciate your time and comments. I'm so glad it is keeping you entertained. I find fantasy a great way to take my mind off other things.
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from Debi Pick Marquette
Oh yeah, I know whose voice it is. Yeah, next chapter we get to meet his as a centaur. However, I liked him as a man better. LOL. dang Zeus.....
This is so interesting and has me at the edge of my seat almost at every moment. I love it so much. So white lightening knew to keep her safe but so thankful that Phoebus will be in the next story. Or am I being presumptuous??
Regardless I do look forward to that part and I love that you have hinted that they may have some danger for the two of them. So I am just super-excited and looking forward to some more adventures with them. I am a little concerned about Cassie, but I know you have more adventures planned for all of them.
This is such an awesome book. You truly have a wonderful way of telling the story and I am only saddened by the fact that I have to quit reading. Love, love, love it so very much!! Bravo!! Wish I had ten stars! Love, Debi
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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Oh yeah, I know whose voice it is. Yeah, next chapter we get to meet his as a centaur. However, I liked him as a man better. LOL. dang Zeus.....
This is so interesting and has me at the edge of my seat almost at every moment. I love it so much. So white lightening knew to keep her safe but so thankful that Phoebus will be in the next story. Or am I being presumptuous??
Regardless I do look forward to that part and I love that you have hinted that they may have some danger for the two of them. So I am just super-excited and looking forward to some more adventures with them. I am a little concerned about Cassie, but I know you have more adventures planned for all of them.
This is such an awesome book. You truly have a wonderful way of telling the story and I am only saddened by the fact that I have to quit reading. Love, love, love it so very much!! Bravo!! Wish I had ten stars! Love, Debi
Comment Written 29-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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Awwww, thank you so much, Debi! You're a sweetheart! I appreciate those beautiful six stars and for the detailed review.
You guessed who the mystery voice was!! Clever lady!!! I probably should have drug the story out for two chapters to add in more detail and description of the area and how she felt, but I wanted to move the story along.
Thanks again and again,
Love and hugs,
Rhond
Comment from F. William Lester
I'm just jumping into this for the first time and I'm a little confused - my fault, not yours as I haven't read any of the previous chapters. However, having said that, your explanations at the end (characters) helped me understand the connection between this chapter and the overall fantasy. My only comment is that you should include more of the five senses. When she was in the woods, what did it smell like? The ground was spongy - damp? Were the woods dark? Could she see anything? Was her mouth dry? She was afraid - how did that affect her physically? Taste? She fell out of the saddle exhausted. How does it feel to be exhausted? Muscles like Jello? Stiff? How does her stomach feel? Is she sweating? Cold? Not using the five senses to describe an overall feeling like fear or exhaustion or pain or whatever, is a common critique I get in my writing. Instead of telling us how they feel, using the senses will allow the more the reader to feel what your character is going through. I enjoyed this chapter. Nice work. Thanks for sharing it. Be well.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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I'm just jumping into this for the first time and I'm a little confused - my fault, not yours as I haven't read any of the previous chapters. However, having said that, your explanations at the end (characters) helped me understand the connection between this chapter and the overall fantasy. My only comment is that you should include more of the five senses. When she was in the woods, what did it smell like? The ground was spongy - damp? Were the woods dark? Could she see anything? Was her mouth dry? She was afraid - how did that affect her physically? Taste? She fell out of the saddle exhausted. How does it feel to be exhausted? Muscles like Jello? Stiff? How does her stomach feel? Is she sweating? Cold? Not using the five senses to describe an overall feeling like fear or exhaustion or pain or whatever, is a common critique I get in my writing. Instead of telling us how they feel, using the senses will allow the more the reader to feel what your character is going through. I enjoyed this chapter. Nice work. Thanks for sharing it. Be well.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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Hi William,
Thank you for your brilliant review! I completely agree on what you said. I actually thought about just what you said. I was going to go back and put more, but it was just getting too long. My mistake. I should have broken the chapter into to parts so I could strengthen what I did have. I will work on that in the next one. A lot of times, a few words here or there can add that other element. I appreciate your time,
Rhonda
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My pleasure, Rhonda, I'm glad my comments were helpful. Have a wonderful day, Frank.