Tier & Grauel
A short fantasy story8 total reviews
Comment from Julie Helms
Your story had me sucked in and held me fast till the end. It reads like folklore with the typical superstitions from the villagers, then topped off with some forest magic. It is well written and I saw no errors.
Best of luck in the contest!
Julie
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Your story had me sucked in and held me fast till the end. It reads like folklore with the typical superstitions from the villagers, then topped off with some forest magic. It is well written and I saw no errors.
Best of luck in the contest!
Julie
Comment Written 28-Aug-2024
Comment from Jacob1395
This was really well told. I was captivated by the beginning when you showed us the woman carrying her child in to the forest. I really wanted to know what had happened to make her want to flee, and you followed this opening scene with a really intriguing tale. I really enjoyed reading it.
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This was really well told. I was captivated by the beginning when you showed us the woman carrying her child in to the forest. I really wanted to know what had happened to make her want to flee, and you followed this opening scene with a really intriguing tale. I really enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2024
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I don't normally like fantasy but this fantasy entry I did enjoy reading. The Black Forest is a perfect setting for a fantasy story. You're writing if very fresh. Good luck with the contest.
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Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I don't normally like fantasy but this fantasy entry I did enjoy reading. The Black Forest is a perfect setting for a fantasy story. You're writing if very fresh. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2024
Comment from Thesis
Videl, I was moved by the emotion in your story. I think it was a good entry to the site. It showed cruelty, intolerance, and compassion by the various characters you introduced. I enjoyed how you made Tier my favorite character, loyal to the end. Nicely done.
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Videl, I was moved by the emotion in your story. I think it was a good entry to the site. It showed cruelty, intolerance, and compassion by the various characters you introduced. I enjoyed how you made Tier my favorite character, loyal to the end. Nicely done.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2024
Comment from PENofFIRE
What a great story. It kept my interest till the end. A most unusual story to keep the interest of a 91-year-old woman. You did a great job with the prompt. What a terrific storyteller you are. I wish you the best in the contest.
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What a great story. It kept my interest till the end. A most unusual story to keep the interest of a 91-year-old woman. You did a great job with the prompt. What a terrific storyteller you are. I wish you the best in the contest.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2024
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
What I liked:
her decision weighed on her thick as the dense fog that hung in the trees
he remembered a kind hand - and a feeling of betrayal
I know you've given us a glossary, but I think you should more adequately explain the name Grauel in your text.
it whimpered again and looked up at him with shining yellow eyes, its ears drooped down. (You don't need "down", drooped says that. This is a very touching first meeting.)
Grauel's use of human language is pretty generous - how would he know so many English words? Perhaps make his language a little more primitive. But, as this is a fantasy, I guess we can stretch the imagination a bit.
This is a well written fantasy, and I enjoyed it very much. Lots of action, and you did a good job of describing the forest in which Grauel and Tier lived. And a good job of describing the hateful people of the village.
I think this is very good and should do well in the contest. I think you describe this as a "short" story, lol! I wouldn't do that, but it is worth the time.
Well done. And you say you're a poet - your prose is pretty good too:-)
Good luck.
xo
Pam
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What I liked:
her decision weighed on her thick as the dense fog that hung in the trees
he remembered a kind hand - and a feeling of betrayal
I know you've given us a glossary, but I think you should more adequately explain the name Grauel in your text.
it whimpered again and looked up at him with shining yellow eyes, its ears drooped down. (You don't need "down", drooped says that. This is a very touching first meeting.)
Grauel's use of human language is pretty generous - how would he know so many English words? Perhaps make his language a little more primitive. But, as this is a fantasy, I guess we can stretch the imagination a bit.
This is a well written fantasy, and I enjoyed it very much. Lots of action, and you did a good job of describing the forest in which Grauel and Tier lived. And a good job of describing the hateful people of the village.
I think this is very good and should do well in the contest. I think you describe this as a "short" story, lol! I wouldn't do that, but it is worth the time.
Well done. And you say you're a poet - your prose is pretty good too:-)
Good luck.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 25-Aug-2024
Comment from Begin Again
Truly an awesome tale! At times I was on the edge of my seat and then I felt the emotion of losing someone regardless of who they were, and finally finding the child that change everything. Quite the story! good luck in the contest.
Smiles, Carol
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Truly an awesome tale! At times I was on the edge of my seat and then I felt the emotion of losing someone regardless of who they were, and finally finding the child that change everything. Quite the story! good luck in the contest.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 25-Aug-2024
Comment from royowen
I love the varying colours in your story, particularly the main character protagonist, and the name that was allotted to him, and the others, the wolf who gave his life for our hero, and then despite his desire for revenge, is confronted by an innocent baby abandoned, Graul has compassion on the child and names him Segen, meaning blessing, great opening, good post, blessings Roy
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I love the varying colours in your story, particularly the main character protagonist, and the name that was allotted to him, and the others, the wolf who gave his life for our hero, and then despite his desire for revenge, is confronted by an innocent baby abandoned, Graul has compassion on the child and names him Segen, meaning blessing, great opening, good post, blessings Roy
Comment Written 25-Aug-2024