The Unpresence
Death sentence of an absent man15 total reviews
Comment from ESOSTINE
This is a masterly penned short story that keeps readers entrained from the beginning to the end. I love the pace and flow of the story. Poor McClintock innocence of heart was his undoing. Thanks for sharing your story, dear Bruce. Well done.
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2024
  |
This is a masterly penned short story that keeps readers entrained from the beginning to the end. I love the pace and flow of the story. Poor McClintock innocence of heart was his undoing. Thanks for sharing your story, dear Bruce. Well done.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2024
-
Thank you very much for such a kind review. Appreciate it!
Comment from samantha0930
This is a really nice short story :) It's sad how he got in trouble through someone else taking advantage of him, and then he wishes he would've taken more risks in his life, like dating the girl he never attempted admitting his love to. The story is very effective and tells a lot in this short amount of writing. :) I also like the color scheme of the image, lol.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2024
 |
This is a really nice short story :) It's sad how he got in trouble through someone else taking advantage of him, and then he wishes he would've taken more risks in his life, like dating the girl he never attempted admitting his love to. The story is very effective and tells a lot in this short amount of writing. :) I also like the color scheme of the image, lol.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2024
-
Thanks, Samantha
Comment from Bill Schott
This story, The Unpresence, has the proper word count and finds the character seeing his faults all pushed together as his last mistake in judgment brings him to end of his rope.
|
This story, The Unpresence, has the proper word count and finds the character seeing his faults all pushed together as his last mistake in judgment brings him to end of his rope.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2024
Comment from Sharon Elwell
This piece is gripping and well-paced, leaking out information that keeps the reader wondering. I had a couple of questions: The fact that his feet were black indicated to me that nothing else about him was, so I assumed he had gotten into mud somehow. Wrong assumption...I also wondered about "Bride" as a last name for his lost love. I'm sure you chose it deliberately. Hmmm...
Well done.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2024
|
This piece is gripping and well-paced, leaking out information that keeps the reader wondering. I had a couple of questions: The fact that his feet were black indicated to me that nothing else about him was, so I assumed he had gotten into mud somehow. Wrong assumption...I also wondered about "Bride" as a last name for his lost love. I'm sure you chose it deliberately. Hmmm...
Well done.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2024
-
Thank you, Sharon. Appreciate your thoughts
Comment from Wendy G
Johnny was very realistically portayed with his character and personality always trying to do what is right - to his own undoing. He will be hanged because he was naive, not because he was evil or deliberately did wrong. A very well written short story!
Wendy
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2024
|
Johnny was very realistically portayed with his character and personality always trying to do what is right - to his own undoing. He will be hanged because he was naive, not because he was evil or deliberately did wrong. A very well written short story!
Wendy
Comment Written 05-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2024
-
Thank you, Wendy.
Comment from SimianSavant
That's a hell of a short story. The last line is quite powerful in its regretful romanticism. When I saw the pic I thought it might be Marlon Brando. Would have been a good role for him.
Thanks for the read,
🦍
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2024
|
That's a hell of a short story. The last line is quite powerful in its regretful romanticism. When I saw the pic I thought it might be Marlon Brando. Would have been a good role for him.
Thanks for the read,
🦍
Comment Written 04-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2024
-
Thank you, Harambe! Appreciate your kind words.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Poor Johnny, who always followed all the rules, just once allowed someone to add to his luggage and for it he gets to hang. His life has been lived entirely on the up and up and here he is hanging because Karma just kicked him in the butt. Good story.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2024
|
Poor Johnny, who always followed all the rules, just once allowed someone to add to his luggage and for it he gets to hang. His life has been lived entirely on the up and up and here he is hanging because Karma just kicked him in the butt. Good story.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2024
-
Thank you, Carol.
Comment from Neonewman
This is brilliant, my friend. I was enthralled throughout to the end. If only I had a six-star to give, you would have it. Thank you for sharing your talent.
God bless,
Steve
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2024
|
This is brilliant, my friend. I was enthralled throughout to the end. If only I had a six-star to give, you would have it. Thank you for sharing your talent.
God bless,
Steve
Comment Written 04-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2024
-
Thanks, Steve. Appreciate the kind words, worth more than the six stars.
-
My pleasure, Bruce.
Comment from Begin Again
The reader is torn betwen feeling sorry for Johnn McClintock or believing he never had a chance and he didn't really care...he did what he wanted including to the very last second of jaywalking on a busy road...Took the chance with Jenny Bride. But he was naive and was tricked and paid the price...now that's sad.
I would say it's a story that deserves to be expanded but unfortunately, you killed off the star.
Great job!
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2024
|
The reader is torn betwen feeling sorry for Johnn McClintock or believing he never had a chance and he didn't really care...he did what he wanted including to the very last second of jaywalking on a busy road...Took the chance with Jenny Bride. But he was naive and was tricked and paid the price...now that's sad.
I would say it's a story that deserves to be expanded but unfortunately, you killed off the star.
Great job!
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 04-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2024
-
Thanks, Carol.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Very well written. You told an interesting tale. Made me feel for poor McClintock. (Though I couldn't help but continually think about the John Wayne character.)
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2024
|
Very well written. You told an interesting tale. Made me feel for poor McClintock. (Though I couldn't help but continually think about the John Wayne character.)
Best wishes.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2024
-
Thanks, Wayne.
