Death, Crimes and Misdemeanors A-Z
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Carly"Nefarious Deeds
17 total reviews
Comment from jake cosmos aller
nice poem about a wild night with a wild child of the night. love these lines the best
We now sit in a very small cell
A sign that things did not go well
So we will be here for a spell
But, Elysie's all over TV.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2024
  |
nice poem about a wild night with a wild child of the night. love these lines the best
We now sit in a very small cell
A sign that things did not go well
So we will be here for a spell
But, Elysie's all over TV.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2024
-
Well, these two dimwitted dolts did not count on someone like the thirteen-year-old inquisitive Elysie, being in that part of the nature reserve.
Further, they did not anticipate anything at all.
It took only two of her senses to sense something was wrong in the land of Denmark. Being the golden child she was, she quietly left the area, got her emergencies only phone out, and sent 911! The rest can be watched on the news. Thanks for the read. :-)
Comment from Pamusart
Hi, Karen
You have good rhyming, but no set meter although your flow still seems to be pretty much. Iambic back pentameter
You saved the surprise for the end. At first, I thought she was an infant baby and she had just learned to talk so you were listening to her gently.
It wasn't until the end that I realized that she had told you and maybe she was a news reporter. Or maybe she was being interviewed because she turned you guys in and she was a witness.
Time to call a hitman and wipe her out
Here. Do you want another l in cel? You know if it adjoins it should be plural. But that would screw up your rhyme. Did you consider having them both in the same cell? Anyway, in poetry everything goes
You could say each in an adjoining cell
" We now sit in an adjoining small cel"
I enjoyed reading your poem
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
We now sit in an adjoining small cel"
I enjoyed reading your poem
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2024
|
Hi, Karen
You have good rhyming, but no set meter although your flow still seems to be pretty much. Iambic back pentameter
You saved the surprise for the end. At first, I thought she was an infant baby and she had just learned to talk so you were listening to her gently.
It wasn't until the end that I realized that she had told you and maybe she was a news reporter. Or maybe she was being interviewed because she turned you guys in and she was a witness.
Time to call a hitman and wipe her out
Here. Do you want another l in cel? You know if it adjoins it should be plural. But that would screw up your rhyme. Did you consider having them both in the same cell? Anyway, in poetry everything goes
You could say each in an adjoining cell
" We now sit in an adjoining small cel"
I enjoyed reading your poem
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
We now sit in an adjoining small cel"
I enjoyed reading your poem
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2024
-
I went back and edited, cleared it up a bit I think. Thank you for the read and helpful ideas. I dropped the poem. Thanks again. Karen
Comment from kiwisteveh
Hi, Karen. It seems Elysie resembles you to some degree. Are you a detective too.
I liked the attention given to the formatting and rhyme scheme of your piece, but was a little disappointed that you simply skated over the details of the 'crime' and how the clever miss went about solving it, apart from being observant.
Two L's in cell! And can one cell be adjoining? Adjoining to what?
Steve
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2024
|
Hi, Karen. It seems Elysie resembles you to some degree. Are you a detective too.
I liked the attention given to the formatting and rhyme scheme of your piece, but was a little disappointed that you simply skated over the details of the 'crime' and how the clever miss went about solving it, apart from being observant.
Two L's in cell! And can one cell be adjoining? Adjoining to what?
Steve
Comment Written 06-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2024
-
I edited the cell, thanks for the heads up.She saw she heard she talked no big mystery there. Nothing to solve sweetie pie. I have been rather mild for a while, I will try to do something horrendous. Did you read "Lorelie"? That was rather shocking and graphic. :-)
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Good story and good rhyming scheme. This is very well written, and I couldn't help but sway as I read. Thank you for sharing this contest entry with and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2024
|
Good story and good rhyming scheme. This is very well written, and I couldn't help but sway as I read. Thank you for sharing this contest entry with and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2024
-
I love the flow of an almost limerick, I call them limericky. Thanks for the read. Karen
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, you certainly have a way with words. The poetry queen who can rhyme anything and tell a story as she goes along, line by line and verse by verse. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2024
|
Well, you certainly have a way with words. The poetry queen who can rhyme anything and tell a story as she goes along, line by line and verse by verse. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2024
-
Hey, this stuff has to come out of me you know, and I have written some duds. Hardly anyone is reviewing my retelling of Goldilocks and the three bears. I thought it was very good. Shows what I know. That's what I get for trying to be more serious. Nobody wants me serious. I am comic relief! :-)
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
I love that colloquialism "dropped the time" but it needs a note for us Brits, at least, (I had to look it up although I guessed - albeit a little inaccurately - its meaning.) A great, imaginative verse that kept me hooked throughout, waiting for the conclusion (although murder never came). You know too well the art of surprise. Well done and good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2024
|
I love that colloquialism "dropped the time" but it needs a note for us Brits, at least, (I had to look it up although I guessed - albeit a little inaccurately - its meaning.) A great, imaginative verse that kept me hooked throughout, waiting for the conclusion (although murder never came). You know too well the art of surprise. Well done and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 29-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2024
-
Some may not know that way back when, that phone calls were a dime, and in criminal circles it meant dropping a dime to tattle. Usually to the cops. Thanks for the read Karen
Comment from Neonewman
Oh, yeah! A woman scorned, they say. LOL. This was a well-crafted piece, my friend and I enjoyed the rhythm this poem offered. Thank you for sharing.
God bless,
Steve
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2024
|
Oh, yeah! A woman scorned, they say. LOL. This was a well-crafted piece, my friend and I enjoyed the rhythm this poem offered. Thank you for sharing.
God bless,
Steve
Comment Written 29-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2024
-
She gave clear, no room for wiggle instructions.
They did not pass go. And they did not have a get out of jail free card. She who must be obeyed delivered the blow! :-)
-
Right!
-
Rules are important. I usually follow them. Almost always. More often than not, Sometimes. Well.......
-
Same, except with the police. I like to see how far I can go with them, lol
-
You like the starkness of the decor? Never been, never wanna be. Karen
Comment from karenina
Kind of cute...like Dr. Seuss on "shrooms!"
Just kidding. I think you need breaks from unpacking and wouldn't it be a kick to win this contest?
Your imagination rocks!
Karenina
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2024
|
Kind of cute...like Dr. Seuss on "shrooms!"
Just kidding. I think you need breaks from unpacking and wouldn't it be a kick to win this contest?
Your imagination rocks!
Karenina
Comment Written 29-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2024
-
Two nit wits in search of a brain. Thank for the read. Karen
-
Always! My pleasure!
Comment from GWHARGIS
Lol. I found your anonymous phone call poem very fun. But I gotta hand it to you. You know what you expect and don't suffer fools. This was a lot of fun. How goes the unpacking? Gretchen
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2024
|
Lol. I found your anonymous phone call poem very fun. But I gotta hand it to you. You know what you expect and don't suffer fools. This was a lot of fun. How goes the unpacking? Gretchen
Comment Written 28-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2024
-
It goes slowly. I still insist that the boxes breed at night. All boxes are gone from the living room. All boxes are gone from the kitchen. But my room and big closet are full. When they are emptied then comes the organization. And hanging pictures. Karen
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is very amusing and you have a real talent for rhyming words. So many of the poems I read work hard at rhyming but the word that is used makes no sense in the poem. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2024
|
This is very amusing and you have a real talent for rhyming words. So many of the poems I read work hard at rhyming but the word that is used makes no sense in the poem. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2024
-
Thanks so much. I am going back to unpacking. Why do I need to write in the middle of all this? I will review you as soon as I can. Karen
