2024 Japanese Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 68 "Following the Sun"x
8 total reviews
Comment from LateBloomer
Hi Gypsy, your poem has great imagery and sensory appeal. I could see the entire scene. Of special note:
following the sun
she'll never embrace the moon,
(And they will never kiss)
Well done. Beautiful presentation. Xo. Margaret
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2024
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Hi Gypsy, your poem has great imagery and sensory appeal. I could see the entire scene. Of special note:
following the sun
she'll never embrace the moon,
(And they will never kiss)
Well done. Beautiful presentation. Xo. Margaret
Comment Written 15-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2024
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Thank you very much, Margaret 😊
Gypsy
Comment from Mark Schardine
She is elusive, and her constant motion means no one can keep up with her. It is interesting how the river rushes, a parallel to her own restlessness, and desire for more from life.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2024
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She is elusive, and her constant motion means no one can keep up with her. It is interesting how the river rushes, a parallel to her own restlessness, and desire for more from life.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2024
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Thank you very much, Mark
Gypsy
Comment from shelley kaye
oooh this was so sad, yet not sad. . .
so many emotions weave through these lines
however. . . june and moon are perfect rhymes and the form is not supposed to rhyme... but then you can always put aslash through the word never... because the rhyme flows very smoothly!
anyway, a great poem with great imagery
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2024
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oooh this was so sad, yet not sad. . .
so many emotions weave through these lines
however. . . june and moon are perfect rhymes and the form is not supposed to rhyme... but then you can always put a
anyway, a great poem with great imagery
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
Comment Written 13-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2024
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I never try to rhyme but sometimes they rhyme naturally, I don't force it. Technically, Gogyohka is a form that literally means "five-line poem." The gogyohka has very simple rules: The poem is comprised of five lines with one phrase per line. That's it. I know that in my directions I wrote it never rhymes, I am sorry about that. I should have written 'Rhymes that happen naturally are okay.
Thank you for taking the time to read and review my poem. Have a wonderful weekend.
Gypsy
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You're right the sun will never be able to embrace the moon or will she ever cool down. It would be disastrous for us if she did. You've presented us with a perfect presentation again. Thank you for sharing your talent with us.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2024
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You're right the sun will never be able to embrace the moon or will she ever cool down. It would be disastrous for us if she did. You've presented us with a perfect presentation again. Thank you for sharing your talent with us.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2024
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review my poem.
Gypsy
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Right now I wouldn't mind not being able to cool down! Here in the UK winter has never really gone away. But your lovely presentation and verse about the joys of this season are still a charming way to imagine:) Thanks Gypsy. Debbie
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2024
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Right now I wouldn't mind not being able to cool down! Here in the UK winter has never really gone away. But your lovely presentation and verse about the joys of this season are still a charming way to imagine:) Thanks Gypsy. Debbie
Comment Written 13-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2024
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Debbie,
Thank you for taking the time to read and review my poem. Have a wonderful weekend.
Gypsy
Comment from RJ Heritage
Perhaps her personality is one that is passionate and deliberate, rather than cautious and calculating. Seems like it speaks to a person that shows just who they are, like the boldness of the sun rather that the calma of the moon.
Varios ways to see these words.
RJ
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2024
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Perhaps her personality is one that is passionate and deliberate, rather than cautious and calculating. Seems like it speaks to a person that shows just who they are, like the boldness of the sun rather that the calma of the moon.
Varios ways to see these words.
RJ
Comment Written 13-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2024
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review my poem. Have a wonderful weekend.
Gypsy
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Have a great weekend also.
RJ
Comment from royowen
Another special post with a great theme and a great way of expressing it, you've done a splendid job with this post, the language is so good, an excellent work, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2024
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Another special post with a great theme and a great way of expressing it, you've done a splendid job with this post, the language is so good, an excellent work, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 13-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2024
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Thank you very much, Roy.
GYpsy
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Most welcome
Comment from lyenochka
Lovely poem ! I'm wondering if "she" is the personification of summer or a flower or a person who is much more drawn to the heat and brightness of the sun and doesn't ever need to rest or cool down.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2024
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Lovely poem ! I'm wondering if "she" is the personification of summer or a flower or a person who is much more drawn to the heat and brightness of the sun and doesn't ever need to rest or cool down.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2024
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It can be either one of the three. I was thinking of a woman.
Thank you very much, big sister.
Gypsy