Duty
A evil stepmother who wishes to pawn off her stepdaughter.4 total reviews
Comment from karenina
Welcome to FanStory. I see "Pamusart" has given you a most thorough review with some fine suggestions. I enjoyed the story as a whole, but I am weak in the art of "dialogue only" writing, so I defer to others to help you with any glitches (if there are any).
I did notice a little typo here: " I don't owe you anything ng stepmother."
(eliminate the extra "ng)
Enjoy your writing experience!
Karenina
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2024
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Welcome to FanStory. I see "Pamusart" has given you a most thorough review with some fine suggestions. I enjoyed the story as a whole, but I am weak in the art of "dialogue only" writing, so I defer to others to help you with any glitches (if there are any).
I did notice a little typo here: " I don't owe you anything ng stepmother."
(eliminate the extra "ng)
Enjoy your writing experience!
Karenina
Comment Written 04-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2024
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I have gotten some excellent feedback to help me. Thank you for reading and taking time to leave me feedback about my writing. I definitely didn't noticed the typo error but I did remove the ng. Thanks again.
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I'm infamous for not seeing my own typos. Thanks to reviewers I'm able to get to them and correct!
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I'm the same. The feedback truly helps
Comment from Pamusart
Hi, Samantha. I hope you are well.
Welcome to fan story I'm sure you'll be a good addition
This looks like a good entry for the contest. Good luck with that!!
I actually reviewed you last night and then something happened to fan story and I got kicked off and I couldn't get back to that review. I spent a lot of time on the review trying to help you improve your story. I hope you appreciate it.
Sounds like Dolly is like the stepmother in Cinderella
Is there going to be a sequel? Is this first chapter you're writing for something that's going to become a novel or maybe you just wrote this to the contest.
Yes, you should write a book because you have one chapter completed already. The next chapter would be Catherine and Vanessa and getting to where they need to go and all their adventures during that time and that same time looking at Katherine's parents and other relatives. A joy to read.
That's probably what it is.
Here did you mean too good?
" "Katheryn says she is good to marry an older rich man.""
Here it should be fed
" you, clothed you, and feed you"
Here it should be anything
" This is my life. I don't owe you nothing stepmother.""
Here Should be who loves me
This looks like a good entry for the contest. Good luck with that!!
" me from my real family that loves me.""
I enjoyed reading your story
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2024
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Hi, Samantha. I hope you are well.
Welcome to fan story I'm sure you'll be a good addition
This looks like a good entry for the contest. Good luck with that!!
I actually reviewed you last night and then something happened to fan story and I got kicked off and I couldn't get back to that review. I spent a lot of time on the review trying to help you improve your story. I hope you appreciate it.
Sounds like Dolly is like the stepmother in Cinderella
Is there going to be a sequel? Is this first chapter you're writing for something that's going to become a novel or maybe you just wrote this to the contest.
Yes, you should write a book because you have one chapter completed already. The next chapter would be Catherine and Vanessa and getting to where they need to go and all their adventures during that time and that same time looking at Katherine's parents and other relatives. A joy to read.
That's probably what it is.
Here did you mean too good?
" "Katheryn says she is good to marry an older rich man.""
Here it should be fed
" you, clothed you, and feed you"
Here it should be anything
" This is my life. I don't owe you nothing stepmother.""
Here Should be who loves me
This looks like a good entry for the contest. Good luck with that!!
" me from my real family that loves me.""
I enjoyed reading your story
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2024
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I really appreciate the time you spent giving me a review and pointers to improve my own writing. I feel honored. This story is an dialogue only for a contest I entered. My main goal is to get better with editing and proofreading my own work in time. The feedback you provided my story put me one step in the right directions.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Congrats on your first post! It's a good one! You've written a dramatic and intense scene involving Katheryn, her stepmother and stepsister. The tension and conflict are palpable! The dialogue and emotions are well written. You've managed to capture the power struggle within the family. The ending leaves a strong sense of defiance and determination from Katheryn and Vanessa. Well done!
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2024
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Congrats on your first post! It's a good one! You've written a dramatic and intense scene involving Katheryn, her stepmother and stepsister. The tension and conflict are palpable! The dialogue and emotions are well written. You've managed to capture the power struggle within the family. The ending leaves a strong sense of defiance and determination from Katheryn and Vanessa. Well done!
Comment Written 02-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2024
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Thank you so much.
Comment from Thesis
Hi Samantha. Welcome to Fanstory. Since this is your first post, it would be a good idea for you to edit your post. I see your story is actually shown here twice, so you need to delete one so the reader doesn't have to read it twice. Also, I would think about changing you line from "I don't owe you nothing step-mother", to "I don't owe you anything step-mother."
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2024
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Hi Samantha. Welcome to Fanstory. Since this is your first post, it would be a good idea for you to edit your post. I see your story is actually shown here twice, so you need to delete one so the reader doesn't have to read it twice. Also, I would think about changing you line from "I don't owe you nothing step-mother", to "I don't owe you anything step-mother."
Comment Written 01-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2024
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I didn't even notice that. Thank you for pointing that out.
