The Tainted
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Back at the Mansion"A fantasy story following hunter Taya
3 total reviews
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
What a scene! You did a great job showing the tension. You could feel Brandy's fiery temper and Derek's outburst - it made for a really intense moment. I also love how you introduce this air of mystery around Demetri and Taya. The dialogue flows well and kept the momentum going. The characters' personalities really shine through. I'm looking forward to seeing how this journey to Tal will unfold!
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What a scene! You did a great job showing the tension. You could feel Brandy's fiery temper and Derek's outburst - it made for a really intense moment. I also love how you introduce this air of mystery around Demetri and Taya. The dialogue flows well and kept the momentum going. The characters' personalities really shine through. I'm looking forward to seeing how this journey to Tal will unfold!
Comment Written 16-Oct-2024
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Good plot development.
"Haha it seems Dave is in favor, and I'll diligently follow my partner." - This sentence is a comma after 'Haha' and maybe a semicolon instead of a comma after 'favor' since both sides are complete sentences.
"I will also come." Brandy, who had been silent the whole time, quietly replied. - Maybe a comma instead of a period after 'come'.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2024
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Good plot development.
"Haha it seems Dave is in favor, and I'll diligently follow my partner." - This sentence is a comma after 'Haha' and maybe a semicolon instead of a comma after 'favor' since both sides are complete sentences.
"I will also come." Brandy, who had been silent the whole time, quietly replied. - Maybe a comma instead of a period after 'come'.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2024
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Thank you for the edits!
Comment from jim vecchio
Sounds like they may meet up soon. QA very good continuation. There were two small typos tht would make it perfect when revised: "Tal...that's the village by the mountain. They don't normally accept new hunters. I'll admit that Demetri is as could as one can get" I believe could is the wrong word.
Also: "he's already taken the imitative to train others." Do you mean initiative?
Sorry to point these out. I make typos all the time. You are a great writer.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2024
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Sounds like they may meet up soon. QA very good continuation. There were two small typos tht would make it perfect when revised: "Tal...that's the village by the mountain. They don't normally accept new hunters. I'll admit that Demetri is as could as one can get" I believe could is the wrong word.
Also: "he's already taken the imitative to train others." Do you mean initiative?
Sorry to point these out. I make typos all the time. You are a great writer.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2024
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No I appreciate! This is the best part of reviews, the chance to be better
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Everyday I learn from the FS reviewers.