Adelaide's Angst
What secrets lurk in Gretchen's grandmother's past?8 total reviews
Comment from Teri7
This is a really great story you have penned for the Double-Blind challenge contest. You used great descriptive words and very good dialogue. I was right there wit you as I was reading each word. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2024
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This is a really great story you have penned for the Double-Blind challenge contest. You used great descriptive words and very good dialogue. I was right there wit you as I was reading each word. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
Comment Written 05-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2024
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Thank you so very much!
Comment from Wendy G
I enjoyed reading your well-written and imaginative story - perhaps because we are also working on our genealogy. It is always strange when coincidences like this happen. Best wishes for your contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2024
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I enjoyed reading your well-written and imaginative story - perhaps because we are also working on our genealogy. It is always strange when coincidences like this happen. Best wishes for your contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 05-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2024
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Thank you so much!
Comment from Scarbrems
What a haunting tale. I love the idea of that connection to a house and then discovering it was lived in by a relative.
Well written and absorbing.
If this is the 'scenario' contest, I think you are supposed to post the scenario you were given in the comments, but I am sure it doesn't matter.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2024
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What a haunting tale. I love the idea of that connection to a house and then discovering it was lived in by a relative.
Well written and absorbing.
If this is the 'scenario' contest, I think you are supposed to post the scenario you were given in the comments, but I am sure it doesn't matter.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 02-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2024
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I didn't realize the scenario had to be exact. Thank you for pointing that out.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Many thanks for entering once again. Just a quick reminder that you need to have the scenario you were given either as background information at the beginning or in the author notes. It's part of the judging criteria so folk can see how you met the brief.
I enjoyed the read. I made some notes as I read through:
"Perfect."
"Oma, what would you do with this huge place?" Brian asked the next morning.- there's a change of secene / time here. I would suggest to signofy this more prominently with something like a centred ~ or #.
There's a couple of these jumps mentioned above and I would signify each one more.
Adelaide is actually a name of German origin (not English) and means noble or of nobility.
"Good morning," Mr. P," she said - delete the middle speech marks here.
"Do you have your grandmother's full name," Ben asked - should probably have a question mark in here.
"Do you have your grandmother's full name," Ben asked. "You could go on one of the genealogical sites and maybe find her kin."
"Plus, they are also handy for tracing down relatives once you are on the site."
"You could also reach out on social media and see if you get a lead there."- this could all be handled in the same set of speech marks as nothing happens in between the dialogue and no other speakers are identified.
This doesn't actually meet the brief as there's no mention of an attic. The letter falls out of photos which were took from a box in a bedroom closet and not found in an old bureau.
Scenario: - Your character is clearing out the attic of a house they've just bought, and a lot of stuff was left behind. They find an old bureau and inside is a dusty letter and the writing is smudged but it is clearly their name on the envelope
It's an easy fix
GMG
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2024
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Hi there,
Many thanks for entering once again. Just a quick reminder that you need to have the scenario you were given either as background information at the beginning or in the author notes. It's part of the judging criteria so folk can see how you met the brief.
I enjoyed the read. I made some notes as I read through:
"Perfect."
"Oma, what would you do with this huge place?" Brian asked the next morning.- there's a change of secene / time here. I would suggest to signofy this more prominently with something like a centred ~ or #.
There's a couple of these jumps mentioned above and I would signify each one more.
Adelaide is actually a name of German origin (not English) and means noble or of nobility.
"Good morning," Mr. P," she said - delete the middle speech marks here.
"Do you have your grandmother's full name," Ben asked - should probably have a question mark in here.
"Do you have your grandmother's full name," Ben asked. "You could go on one of the genealogical sites and maybe find her kin."
"Plus, they are also handy for tracing down relatives once you are on the site."
"You could also reach out on social media and see if you get a lead there."- this could all be handled in the same set of speech marks as nothing happens in between the dialogue and no other speakers are identified.
This doesn't actually meet the brief as there's no mention of an attic. The letter falls out of photos which were took from a box in a bedroom closet and not found in an old bureau.
Scenario: - Your character is clearing out the attic of a house they've just bought, and a lot of stuff was left behind. They find an old bureau and inside is a dusty letter and the writing is smudged but it is clearly their name on the envelope
It's an easy fix
GMG
Comment Written 02-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2024
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Thanks. I did not realize we had to use the scenario word-for-word. I have no time to work on this until the afternoon, and then it may be too late. I'll know for next time.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Your story is beautifully written! You bring together mystery and history so well. The way you weave together past and present was perfect. I also thought the interplay between characters was excellent - it adds so much depth to the story. Well done!
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2024
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Your story is beautifully written! You bring together mystery and history so well. The way you weave together past and present was perfect. I also thought the interplay between characters was excellent - it adds so much depth to the story. Well done!
Comment Written 01-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2024
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Thank you very much!
Comment from Pamusart
Hi.
This looks like a good entry for the contest. Good luck with that.!
I have to admit that the ending was very confusing to me. Was it Gretchen who loved Adelaide? There's still a lot of mystery that hasn't been explained. Not that it has to be explained and maybe I'm just dense.
I dream of owning (used to dream is more like it) one of the houses I lived in as a child. I used to dream about secrets in the house that never existed. The.secrets never existed but the house still exists
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2024
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Hi.
This looks like a good entry for the contest. Good luck with that.!
I have to admit that the ending was very confusing to me. Was it Gretchen who loved Adelaide? There's still a lot of mystery that hasn't been explained. Not that it has to be explained and maybe I'm just dense.
I dream of owning (used to dream is more like it) one of the houses I lived in as a child. I used to dream about secrets in the house that never existed. The.secrets never existed but the house still exists
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2024
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For years, I lived in a small town on the Ohio River. There were many Victorian homes lining it, both on the Ohio Side and the WV side. They are so lovely, but too big to clean! I also have a good friend who lived in one for many years. Thanks for your comments.
Comment from Nicole Schmidt
This is a great read from start to finish. I like Gretchen and her seemingly upbeat and free spirit. She carries the story along very nicely. Strong read from start to finish.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2024
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This is a great read from start to finish. I like Gretchen and her seemingly upbeat and free spirit. She carries the story along very nicely. Strong read from start to finish.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2024
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Thank you for your kind comments!
Comment from royowen
What a lovely story, just an aside, our state's capital city is Adelaide, named after Queen Adelaide married to George 111 of England. If you sit in my seat there is no such thing as impossible, in fact, all things are possible, the miracles to keep us believing, so I love your story, beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2024
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What a lovely story, just an aside, our state's capital city is Adelaide, named after Queen Adelaide married to George 111 of England. If you sit in my seat there is no such thing as impossible, in fact, all things are possible, the miracles to keep us believing, so I love your story, beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
Comment Written 01-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2024
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The story is fiction as required, but my grandmother's name was Adelaide, which I think is quite beautiful.
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Yes indeed
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If I remember correctly, you live in Australia. There is a string of Adelaides in my mother's line and they are all from Cornwall. I'll look up Queen Adelaide. Didn't George III go nuts and that's why there was the Regency period??
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I think so, but not his wife
