Surprise!
Not what the thief expected12 total reviews
Comment from Stephen Wendt
Very funny story, I like twists in stories. When it seems to be going one way, then forces a new view on it. I could tell it was going to be that way, just wasn't sure what would be in the box. Brad Pitt "What's in the Box!!"
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reply by the author on 27-May-2024
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Very funny story, I like twists in stories. When it seems to be going one way, then forces a new view on it. I could tell it was going to be that way, just wasn't sure what would be in the box. Brad Pitt "What's in the Box!!"
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-May-2024
reply by the author on 27-May-2024
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Thank you.
Comment from Jill D
Lol! This is brilliant and the unexpected twist at the end is very clever, I didn't see it coming. Note to self!!.. Do not nag my other half.. Lol.
All the best.
Jill:)
reply by the author on 23-May-2024
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Lol! This is brilliant and the unexpected twist at the end is very clever, I didn't see it coming. Note to self!!.. Do not nag my other half.. Lol.
All the best.
Jill:)
Comment Written 23-May-2024
reply by the author on 23-May-2024
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Hahaha....thanks so much for reading. :)
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Hahaha....thanks so much for reading. :)
Comment from LJbutterfly
Haha! Surprise, indeed. I would love to see the face of the porch pirate who took the box. This is quite a creative and well written story that should do well in the contest. Best wishes.
reply by the author on 21-May-2024
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Haha! Surprise, indeed. I would love to see the face of the porch pirate who took the box. This is quite a creative and well written story that should do well in the contest. Best wishes.
Comment Written 21-May-2024
reply by the author on 21-May-2024
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Thank you, l really appreciate this nice review. :)
Comment from Mia Twysted
I love the twist at the end. In the box was the head of his wife. Now what will happen when the person who stole the box opens it up? You've given the reader something to things about.
reply by the author on 21-May-2024
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I love the twist at the end. In the box was the head of his wife. Now what will happen when the person who stole the box opens it up? You've given the reader something to things about.
Comment Written 21-May-2024
reply by the author on 21-May-2024
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Thank you for this great review...it's very appreciated. :)
Comment from Bill Schott
This one-hundred-word story, Surprise!, has the proper word count and anticipates the suspected thrill that the porch pirate will have when he finds the purloined package involves a capital crime.
reply by the author on 21-May-2024
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This one-hundred-word story, Surprise!, has the proper word count and anticipates the suspected thrill that the porch pirate will have when he finds the purloined package involves a capital crime.
Comment Written 21-May-2024
reply by the author on 21-May-2024
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Thank you so much for reading my story. :)
Comment from Thesis
Lol, well it will certainly be a surprise for the thief upon opening. The setting and circumstances regarding his forgetfulness contribute to the displacement of the box. The thief would have a hard time explaining to the authorities how they obtained the head. Good job.
reply by the author on 21-May-2024
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Lol, well it will certainly be a surprise for the thief upon opening. The setting and circumstances regarding his forgetfulness contribute to the displacement of the box. The thief would have a hard time explaining to the authorities how they obtained the head. Good job.
Comment Written 21-May-2024
reply by the author on 21-May-2024
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Thank you for reading and for this great review. :)
Comment from Nathan Allen
This is a delightful poem that packs a punch. The opening lines paint a relatable picture of aging memory, cleverly contrasted with Paul's meticulous packing. The poem's strength lies in its unexpected twist. The dark humor of the "porch pirate" stealing the "nagging wife's head" is both shocking and strangely satisfying. In just a few lines, the poem delivers a complete story with a laugh-out-loud ending, leaving the reader with a smile. I liked the sassy nature of the whole thing.
reply by the author on 21-May-2024
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This is a delightful poem that packs a punch. The opening lines paint a relatable picture of aging memory, cleverly contrasted with Paul's meticulous packing. The poem's strength lies in its unexpected twist. The dark humor of the "porch pirate" stealing the "nagging wife's head" is both shocking and strangely satisfying. In just a few lines, the poem delivers a complete story with a laugh-out-loud ending, leaving the reader with a smile. I liked the sassy nature of the whole thing.
Comment Written 21-May-2024
reply by the author on 21-May-2024
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Thank you so much for this terrific review.l appreciate it more then you know. :)
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
If I had been a Fed Ex man and had to open this box, I think I'd scream so everyone would hear me. You know the artist carved heads for artistry, is this what kind of a head you had in your box? I sure hope so!
reply by the author on 21-May-2024
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If I had been a Fed Ex man and had to open this box, I think I'd scream so everyone would hear me. You know the artist carved heads for artistry, is this what kind of a head you had in your box? I sure hope so!
Comment Written 21-May-2024
reply by the author on 21-May-2024
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Sadly, no. It was his wife's real head. He just couldn't take it anymore. :) thank you for reading.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Well this is a bit gruesome but excellent, especially as we've all had something sneakily removed from our porch at some stage. I wondered why he was so happy cleaning the garage. Great name for the thief too! Well done and good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 21-May-2024
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Well this is a bit gruesome but excellent, especially as we've all had something sneakily removed from our porch at some stage. I wondered why he was so happy cleaning the garage. Great name for the thief too! Well done and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 21-May-2024
reply by the author on 21-May-2024
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Thank you for this great review and fir taking the time to read my story. :)
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
The unsuspecting tone of your writing. And the casual mention of a "quick nap" did not set up what was coming! When the porch pirate steals the box containing his wife's head - well it was a head turner! The abrupt shift from ordinary domesticity to dark crime was shocking. Your skillful storytelling and ability to have the story turn on a dime is great. Especially since you had so few words to accomplish this.
reply by the author on 21-May-2024
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The unsuspecting tone of your writing. And the casual mention of a "quick nap" did not set up what was coming! When the porch pirate steals the box containing his wife's head - well it was a head turner! The abrupt shift from ordinary domesticity to dark crime was shocking. Your skillful storytelling and ability to have the story turn on a dime is great. Especially since you had so few words to accomplish this.
Comment Written 21-May-2024
reply by the author on 21-May-2024
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Wow! Thanks so much for this fantastic review. It's very appreciated. :)