Trapped
A short story for the Trapped Contest5 total reviews
Comment from Mike Stevens
Another fine story, Hull....and an excellent study of human nature in an unusual and stressful conditions, and often, as here, paints a less than flattering portrait
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Another fine story, Hull....and an excellent study of human nature in an unusual and stressful conditions, and often, as here, paints a less than flattering portrait
Comment Written 26-May-2024
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Well done on your second place! This is a really tense scenario and you skilfully develop your story so that even your reader is experiencing the claustrophobia of that elevator. Every twitch going on in there, every lurch, every irritation, all building up relentlessly to that totally unproductive outlet of hysteria. And then relief! And an amusing ending, enabling us to breathe again:) Excellent! Debbie
reply by the author on 13-May-2024
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Well done on your second place! This is a really tense scenario and you skilfully develop your story so that even your reader is experiencing the claustrophobia of that elevator. Every twitch going on in there, every lurch, every irritation, all building up relentlessly to that totally unproductive outlet of hysteria. And then relief! And an amusing ending, enabling us to breathe again:) Excellent! Debbie
Comment Written 13-May-2024
reply by the author on 13-May-2024
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Thank you so much!
Comment from Neonewman
I hate to admit it, but I'd be the guy on the left. I steer clear of confined places. I can ride an elevator with lots of mirrors and only a couple of occupants.
Great story, I was enveloped until the doors opened and only then was I able to breathe again.
Best of luck in the contest.
God bless
Steve
reply by the author on 11-May-2024
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I hate to admit it, but I'd be the guy on the left. I steer clear of confined places. I can ride an elevator with lots of mirrors and only a couple of occupants.
Great story, I was enveloped until the doors opened and only then was I able to breathe again.
Best of luck in the contest.
God bless
Steve
Comment Written 11-May-2024
reply by the author on 11-May-2024
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Thank you so much for the read and review.
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my pleasure.
Comment from tfawcus
This is a fine piece of visceral writing. You handle the rising tension in a way that makes it real for your readers. Specific behavioural details such as the occupants' wider-than-usual stance help bring us into the scene. I imagine this will be a strong contender in the contest. Well done.
reply by the author on 11-May-2024
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This is a fine piece of visceral writing. You handle the rising tension in a way that makes it real for your readers. Specific behavioural details such as the occupants' wider-than-usual stance help bring us into the scene. I imagine this will be a strong contender in the contest. Well done.
Comment Written 10-May-2024
reply by the author on 11-May-2024
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Thank you so much!
Comment from RodG
This story is full of suspense from start to finish. You do a superb job of setting the scene with the narrator entering the elevator with six strangers and later another. Then your focus shifts from passenger to passenger and we sympathize with the claustrophobic man. Tension builds as the elevator does not move and the lights go out and everyone aboard begins to panic. The last scene is exceptional as we witness the retransformation when the elevator moves and finally the doors open. Because the scenario is so realistic, I am giving you six stars. This should be a winner. Rod
reply by the author on 10-May-2024
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This story is full of suspense from start to finish. You do a superb job of setting the scene with the narrator entering the elevator with six strangers and later another. Then your focus shifts from passenger to passenger and we sympathize with the claustrophobic man. Tension builds as the elevator does not move and the lights go out and everyone aboard begins to panic. The last scene is exceptional as we witness the retransformation when the elevator moves and finally the doors open. Because the scenario is so realistic, I am giving you six stars. This should be a winner. Rod
Comment Written 10-May-2024
reply by the author on 10-May-2024
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Wow! Thank you so very much!
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You are very welcome.
