Comment from cupa tea

Excellent

Poor person. But an easy to follow story. Well told and should do well in the contest. I didn't see anything to correct. It flowed well. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 27-Apr-2024

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reply by the author on 27-Apr-2024

Thanks for the read and review!

Comment from cupa tea

Excellent

Poor person. But an easy to follow story. Well told and should do well in the contest. I didn't see anything to correct. It flowed well. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 27-Apr-2024

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reply by the author on 28-Apr-2024

Thanks so much!

Comment from Julie Helms

Excellent

Why is it the future never looks good in stories?! It could be sterile and all AI, or Mad Max style, but never pleasant. A great story with excellent detail that kept me gripped and reading to the end.

Please put on the cloths provided
(Is this supposed to be clothes?)

Best of luck!
Julie

 Comment Written 26-Apr-2024

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reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024

Thanks so much for pointing that out!

Comment from Sharon Elwell

Excellent

Great work! It really helps that your grammar doesn't create any problems. There were a couple of questions for me as a reader.
"I followed with uncanny silent footsteps." Were the protagonists' steps uncanny? Couldn't get that.
"Someone stepped forward." We don't find out until the next paragraph that it's a woman who may or may not be human. I thought it would help to say, "A woman" or "a nondescipt woman" stepped forward so that the reader doesn't supply an imagined figure and then find out later its a woman.
"...cloths provided." Do you mean "clothes?"
"How come mine feels..." sees like a question that should end with a question mark.
Hope this helps. Hope our hearts keep working...

 Comment Written 26-Apr-2024

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reply by the author on 26-Apr-2024

Thanks so much for the helpful review!