Right in the Eye
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Right in the Eye, ch 15"The adventures and reaches of people with a divine
10 total reviews
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Was Ben on the bus when he saw San Quentin, or was he at the Greyhound station awaiting the next bus?
His father's Jones? If this is a character from another story, you might add the connection. I know I missed the last book, but I don't understand this reference.
There's those mashed potatoes again, lol! They have a place in the hearts of your characters - offers a common thread in the story.
I like that Sylvia and Ben's conversation was intimate from the start, sharing comments about age and "being up at least twice with what I've already had". It's as if they've known each other for years.
You're going to need to sketch out a family tree and post it as your image, lol!
I really enjoyed this first chapter of Ben's story. I think it's going to be very interesting - both the history and the new relationship between Ben and Sylvia. I would say that Ben is too old to marry, but he is a very young 81:-) Who knows what he's capable of?
Take care, Wayne.
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2024
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Was Ben on the bus when he saw San Quentin, or was he at the Greyhound station awaiting the next bus?
His father's Jones? If this is a character from another story, you might add the connection. I know I missed the last book, but I don't understand this reference.
There's those mashed potatoes again, lol! They have a place in the hearts of your characters - offers a common thread in the story.
I like that Sylvia and Ben's conversation was intimate from the start, sharing comments about age and "being up at least twice with what I've already had". It's as if they've known each other for years.
You're going to need to sketch out a family tree and post it as your image, lol!
I really enjoyed this first chapter of Ben's story. I think it's going to be very interesting - both the history and the new relationship between Ben and Sylvia. I would say that Ben is too old to marry, but he is a very young 81:-) Who knows what he's capable of?
Take care, Wayne.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 24-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2024
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Thank you.
Yes, I need to explain Jones. It's been too long since his last appearance.
The family tree, as well as Ben Paul's and Sylvia's availability is a bit formulaic, a bit of Nicholas Sparks. I was hoping I could get away with it.
Love them taters! (smiley face here)
Comment from lyenochka
Well with all that blushing going on, I'm thinking that Sylvia is quite attracted to Ben Paul. And conveniently both are single. Something tells me a romance is blossoming here as well as a mutual interest in Ben Persons!
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2024
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Well with all that blushing going on, I'm thinking that Sylvia is quite attracted to Ben Paul. And conveniently both are single. Something tells me a romance is blossoming here as well as a mutual interest in Ben Persons!
Comment Written 24-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2024
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Thank you.
I wondered if I was being a bit too formulaic.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is an interesting conjunction of the characters that want to know more about Ben Persons senior. They also seem to be interested in each other in another way. Good addition to the story of a Godly hero.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2024
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This is an interesting conjunction of the characters that want to know more about Ben Persons senior. They also seem to be interested in each other in another way. Good addition to the story of a Godly hero.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2024
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Thank you. I finally got back around to Ben Persons and his son Ben Paul. I wondered if I was being a bit too formulaic having them both single and attracted to one another.
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Sometimes it takes a lot of years to find just the right person to love.
Comment from Jim Wile
This was a fun chapter that branches off into a new direction for the story. Already we see a love interest beginning to form with the sweet and easily-blushing Sylvia. Nice.
So BP is also blessed with long life like Slim. It will be interesting hearing his backstory. Looking forward to it.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2024
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This was a fun chapter that branches off into a new direction for the story. Already we see a love interest beginning to form with the sweet and easily-blushing Sylvia. Nice.
So BP is also blessed with long life like Slim. It will be interesting hearing his backstory. Looking forward to it.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2024
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Thank you.
81 was old in the 1970s, but not that unheard of.
It took a while, but I finally got back around to Ben Paul (and Ben Persons)
Comment from Wendy G
This is a good way to link past and present. Your writing is clear. Ben Paul is now heading towatds the end of his life, and the interactions with Slim and Mary, along withSylvia will help him trace his background more fully while Slim will learn of both his devotion and that of his father. A complex and interesting plot.
Wendy
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2024
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This is a good way to link past and present. Your writing is clear. Ben Paul is now heading towatds the end of his life, and the interactions with Slim and Mary, along withSylvia will help him trace his background more fully while Slim will learn of both his devotion and that of his father. A complex and interesting plot.
Wendy
Comment Written 23-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2024
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Thank you.
It was slow going, but I wanted to get back to Ben Paul, and basically his father, Ben Persons, demonstrating the impact of his calling.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Breakfast is always a great way to start off the day, whether after walking or riding in a bus. But I don't know how young it will keep a person looking. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Breakfast is always a great way to start off the day, whether after walking or riding in a bus. But I don't know how young it will keep a person looking. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Thank you.
I was gonna say "keep him regular".
smiley face here
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LOL.
Comment from prettybluebirds
This is the first time I have encountered this story. It sounds like a good one, so maybe I should go to your profile and read some more. It is very well-written and interesting.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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This is the first time I have encountered this story. It sounds like a good one, so maybe I should go to your profile and read some more. It is very well-written and interesting.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Thank you. It's actually chapter 125. It began with One Man's Calling. I hate to dissuade you, though.
I'd be happy to try to give you a quick synopsis.
Comment from Sandollar
Even though I haven't read the preceding chapters, I feel this one can stand alone. You describe everything well with paragraphs like this one:
It was a chilly, May day; but Ben would tour the graveyard and then wait for the taxi driver to return. He wanted to see the Good Man stone. Then he would have plenty of time to check into his reserved room at the Creede Hotel on Main Street and his set meeting time with Sylvia Adams at the hotel restaurant. By the time he'd seen the marker and meditated on what it stood for ... what it meant to those who'd erected it, he walked the graveyard out, looking at the names that meant nothing to him. There was one small stone that might have been his father's Jones, Robert Jones 1836- 1903.
I felt like I could have been there. The theme of your chapter and the whole story is about Ben finding his roots. My mother died when I was eight months old so I never met her. I feel his pain. I found one error:
...There were more, but I took out the ones only having to do with us kids and our father. (Add the quotation mark to close the quote).
This was an excellent chapter. And I enjoyed reading and reviewing it.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Even though I haven't read the preceding chapters, I feel this one can stand alone. You describe everything well with paragraphs like this one:
It was a chilly, May day; but Ben would tour the graveyard and then wait for the taxi driver to return. He wanted to see the Good Man stone. Then he would have plenty of time to check into his reserved room at the Creede Hotel on Main Street and his set meeting time with Sylvia Adams at the hotel restaurant. By the time he'd seen the marker and meditated on what it stood for ... what it meant to those who'd erected it, he walked the graveyard out, looking at the names that meant nothing to him. There was one small stone that might have been his father's Jones, Robert Jones 1836- 1903.
I felt like I could have been there. The theme of your chapter and the whole story is about Ben finding his roots. My mother died when I was eight months old so I never met her. I feel his pain. I found one error:
...There were more, but I took out the ones only having to do with us kids and our father. (Add the quotation mark to close the quote).
This was an excellent chapter. And I enjoyed reading and reviewing it.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Thank you.
It's actually chapter 125. It began with One Man's Calling. I hate to dissuade you, though.
I'd be happy to try to give you a quick synopsis.
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Thank you. I will read if you do. But don't go to any bother.
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Ben Persons was a man who followed God's call. Miracles followed him. He was killed in CO, buried in a cave in. God restored him, but until after friends buried an empty box. He went to Chicago and fought gangsters, then to SF. Being a bit hasty and ahead of God, he was convicted of murder and sentenced to hang. God put him in the middle of a jailbreak. Ben escaped to Alaska after marrying a girl along the way. He died for real after killing the 'Bad Man of Alaska'. The story picked up in the boy (Tony) from Chicago who'd been mentored by Ben. Ben's widow and son helped 'Tony' kill gang ruffians. Tony and Ben had both been true men of God. Here, Slim awoke from a coma after 70 years. Ben had saved him in Creede, CO in 1886, spending days ministering to him while Slim was unconscious. Slim and his bride are in search of the God of the man who'd saved him so many years before. I attribute Slim's longevity and youthfulness to a miracle while cared for by Ben.
The action has been heavy on Christian values and miraculous events. Slim has now found Ben Paul, Ben Persons' son.
Hope that's enough 'gist' of the story.
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Yes, it is. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. I appreciate it, and it has piqued my interest.
Comment from jim vecchio
Sorry for the five. You deserve4 more. The tale gets better and more exiting. My writing is not as good as yours, but it's funny we both mentioned Silverton. I'd like to know the secret of the longevity. I have my suspicions, but I'll see. Love your work!
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Sorry for the five. You deserve4 more. The tale gets better and more exiting. My writing is not as good as yours, but it's funny we both mentioned Silverton. I'd like to know the secret of the longevity. I have my suspicions, but I'll see. Love your work!
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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No secret. Ben Persons prayed for him for about 2 days straight after rescuing him off a mountain and then carrying him first to a Dr. in Creede and then on to Denver where Slim spent 70+ years in a sort of coma.
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I do know that Prayer changes things or I wouldn't be here! More people need to learn the "secret" of prayer.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
This was very enjoyable. Your ability to create imagery and show emotions is excellent. I felt like I was right there alongside Ben and Sylvia, experiencing their conversations and discoveries firsthand. The dialogue flows naturally and feels real. For me it added depth and realism to the characters and their interactions.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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This was very enjoyable. Your ability to create imagery and show emotions is excellent. I felt like I was right there alongside Ben and Sylvia, experiencing their conversations and discoveries firsthand. The dialogue flows naturally and feels real. For me it added depth and realism to the characters and their interactions.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Thank you for your great review!
