The Fix
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "The Fix - Chapter Eight"A mother fights to prove her son's innocence
10 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Oh dear. Mum's can be so nosey, can't they? Lol. Now she has told Joshua that she knows about this new girlfriend, he's going to have a problem trying to keep it a secret. On to the next part! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Oh dear. Mum's can be so nosey, can't they? Lol. Now she has told Joshua that she knows about this new girlfriend, he's going to have a problem trying to keep it a secret. On to the next part! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Thank you Sandra, I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from tfawcus
It's interesting getting a bit of background on the mother-son relationship here. The undercurrent between Joshua and his sister provides an edge to the situation. All most believable.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2024
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It's interesting getting a bit of background on the mother-son relationship here. The undercurrent between Joshua and his sister provides an edge to the situation. All most believable.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2024
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Thank you Tony, I?m pleased that you enjoyed it. Sorry for the late reply.
Comment from Daylily
You are writing a very good story that stays very interesting. That is really good. I am eager to read more.
Just one thing I noticed:
'Um, well, yeah, I've sort of being (been) seeing someone,' he says. '
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2024
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You are writing a very good story that stays very interesting. That is really good. I am eager to read more.
Just one thing I noticed:
'Um, well, yeah, I've sort of being (been) seeing someone,' he says. '
Comment Written 11-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2024
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Thank you, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This chapter seems like the ordinary kind on conversation that a normal young man would have with his sister and mother. It appears to exist to help bolster the mother, Stacey, in her belief that her son was indeed normal and had nothing to gain from the murder. I kind of think I would lengthen this chapter with yet another incident that helps prove the son really has no murderous tendencies. Maybe even a flashback to another girlfriend he may have had.
Very little suggestions:
'But don't get your hopes up too much, Mum, we've only been on a couple of dates.'
I think I would put a period after Mum. That is because you have two independent clauses here.
Joshua looks into his plate of food and I can see his cheeks have tinged red.
Same thing goes here. I would put a comma after food. That is because you have two independent clauses there.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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This chapter seems like the ordinary kind on conversation that a normal young man would have with his sister and mother. It appears to exist to help bolster the mother, Stacey, in her belief that her son was indeed normal and had nothing to gain from the murder. I kind of think I would lengthen this chapter with yet another incident that helps prove the son really has no murderous tendencies. Maybe even a flashback to another girlfriend he may have had.
Very little suggestions:
'But don't get your hopes up too much, Mum, we've only been on a couple of dates.'
I think I would put a period after Mum. That is because you have two independent clauses here.
Joshua looks into his plate of food and I can see his cheeks have tinged red.
Same thing goes here. I would put a comma after food. That is because you have two independent clauses there.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thank you, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
This kind of conversation is exactly why we never pressed my kids for information when they were dating.
A very short chapter, Jacob. In fact, I wonder if it is too short; we get into the conversation, then it's over.
Thanks for some backstory and author's notes to remind folks what is going on.
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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This kind of conversation is exactly why we never pressed my kids for information when they were dating.
A very short chapter, Jacob. In fact, I wonder if it is too short; we get into the conversation, then it's over.
Thanks for some backstory and author's notes to remind folks what is going on.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thank you Pam, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Hi Jacob! Great to catch up again on your story. We know now about Joshua being involved with someone called Susannah but nothing else at the moment. It seems the only one Stacey can rely upon for help is Lucie. Small edit in your notes - 2nd line of which she know he is innocent.
Your chapter reads clearly and immerses the reader back into this intriguing question: if Joshua didn't commit the offence, then who did? Thanks for sharing. Debbie
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Hi Jacob! Great to catch up again on your story. We know now about Joshua being involved with someone called Susannah but nothing else at the moment. It seems the only one Stacey can rely upon for help is Lucie. Small edit in your notes - 2nd line of which she know he is innocent.
Your chapter reads clearly and immerses the reader back into this intriguing question: if Joshua didn't commit the offence, then who did? Thanks for sharing. Debbie
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thank you Debbie, I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from BethShelby
It is good to know some of the background on this story. I've not seen anything you've written recently. Now we know they there is a sister and she doesn't seem to have the best of relationships with her mother.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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It is good to know some of the background on this story. I've not seen anything you've written recently. Now we know they there is a sister and she doesn't seem to have the best of relationships with her mother.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thank you Beth, I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing. I can't wait to read more. I'm interested in your book cover. You do the cover before you publish the book? For me the cover is the last thing I complete. LOL
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2024
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Thank you for sharing. I can't wait to read more. I'm interested in your book cover. You do the cover before you publish the book? For me the cover is the last thing I complete. LOL
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2024
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Thank you Barbara, I normally find the image on canva, it?s just so I can have something to post for an image. I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Well. I went on holiday for a week, and missed at least two chapters... this one was good except for the way you stand back from the narrator by saying blah, blah I say. It pulls the reader away from the action; you could try reading a couple of other peoples stuff for ideas. GiraffmanG, Fleedlflump (in the eternal flame section) and Humpwhistle if his work is still available are all masters of dialogue. Having said that, i'm still hooked - I really like the flashback style. kay
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2024
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Well. I went on holiday for a week, and missed at least two chapters... this one was good except for the way you stand back from the narrator by saying blah, blah I say. It pulls the reader away from the action; you could try reading a couple of other peoples stuff for ideas. GiraffmanG, Fleedlflump (in the eternal flame section) and Humpwhistle if his work is still available are all masters of dialogue. Having said that, i'm still hooked - I really like the flashback style. kay
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2024
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Thank you.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
We learn here that Joshua has a girlfriend, I am not sure how she is connected with this incident, but maybe the facts will fall into place over time, a fine post Jacob, love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2024
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We learn here that Joshua has a girlfriend, I am not sure how she is connected with this incident, but maybe the facts will fall into place over time, a fine post Jacob, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2024
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Thank you Dolly.
