Two if by Sea
An unintended signal6 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
Your witty wee story is fun -- just one suggestion -- the verb tense shouldn't change = "It had been almost an hour, and a cold breeze was penetrating his coat, but suddenly there is a light from the tower. He springs to his saddle, and as he takes another look, his friend lights up a cigarette." Should be (was a light) & (sprang) & ( he took - omit "as") & (lit a cigarette).
Yesiree, smoking causes a LOT of problems! *grin*
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2024
  |
Your witty wee story is fun -- just one suggestion -- the verb tense shouldn't change = "It had been almost an hour, and a cold breeze was penetrating his coat, but suddenly there is a light from the tower. He springs to his saddle, and as he takes another look, his friend lights up a cigarette." Should be (was a light) & (sprang) & ( he took - omit "as") & (lit a cigarette).
Yesiree, smoking causes a LOT of problems! *grin*
Comment Written 07-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2024
-
Thanks, Dawn. You are right about the verb tense.
-
You are very welcome. :)
Comment from jessizero
I liked your take on the ride of Paul Revere. The lit cigarette mistaken for a signal was very funny. You told it well in just one hundred words. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
|
I liked your take on the ride of Paul Revere. The lit cigarette mistaken for a signal was very funny. You told it well in just one hundred words. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
-
Thanks, Jessi. I wonder if they had warning labels on cigarette packs back then.
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Hahaha. Oh my!! Talk about a potential catastrophe! Thanks to this story, I realize that there were many ways for that night to have gone wrong, weren't there? Very cute entry, Mystery Author. I bet this one gets to the Winner's Circle. Best of luck to you. xo
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
|
Hahaha. Oh my!! Talk about a potential catastrophe! Thanks to this story, I realize that there were many ways for that night to have gone wrong, weren't there? Very cute entry, Mystery Author. I bet this one gets to the Winner's Circle. Best of luck to you. xo
Comment Written 01-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
-
Thanks, Rachelle. Just think. That bad habit might have changed the outcome of the Revolutionary war.
-
Haa!! Very good point, indeed!!!!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
In a war situation, lighting up a cigarette can be catastrophic. I enjoyed your tale building up to the debacle here and wish you luck with the contest, love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
|
In a war situation, lighting up a cigarette can be catastrophic. I enjoyed your tale building up to the debacle here and wish you luck with the contest, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 01-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
-
Thanks, Christine. I wonder if he field stripped that cigarette.
Comment from Sallyo
I didn't count the words, but I'll take your word for it. This is fun, and it reminds me of a story an old WWI vet told me once... aside from that, I suggest you check the tense which changes abruptly from past tense to present.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
|
I didn't count the words, but I'll take your word for it. This is fun, and it reminds me of a story an old WWI vet told me once... aside from that, I suggest you check the tense which changes abruptly from past tense to present.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
-
Thanks for the review, Sally. I'll check your suggestion.
Comment from Wendy Rappeport
I love the art work. I wasn't sure about the meaning of the a?" meant. This seems important and would make the story easier to understand. It sounds like the lit cigarette sent the wrong message to Paul. Is that correct?
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2024
 |
I love the art work. I wasn't sure about the meaning of the a?" meant. This seems important and would make the story easier to understand. It sounds like the lit cigarette sent the wrong message to Paul. Is that correct?
Comment Written 01-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2024
-
I have gotten rid of the a?. I don't know where they came from. According to the poem, a second light was needed, so even though Paul saw the match, it was the correct signal.
