Singing My Song
Growing old amid the song of my life13 total reviews
Comment from jessizero
I enjoyed this sonnet. I know I'm not too old, but I never thought I would live this long, so I can relate to the first part of this. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2024
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I enjoyed this sonnet. I know I'm not too old, but I never thought I would live this long, so I can relate to the first part of this. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2024
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Thanks so much for a great review, Jessi. Happy Easter.
Comment from Mark Jackson
A good Shakespearean Sonnet, I wasn't sure at first because looking at the first stanza silently and me don't look alike at all so it did not look like a sonnet at first impression. I am not good at pentameter myself but I think you seem to have chosen to abandon it at the end. I found the rhyming couplet to be a little clunky to read. i'll SEEK to SING my SONG with GOD'S good FA vour. un TIL it's TIME for ME to MEET my SAV iour. An extra syllable in each if those lines. Unless I am reading it wrong? Anyway 5 stars, it good.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2024
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A good Shakespearean Sonnet, I wasn't sure at first because looking at the first stanza silently and me don't look alike at all so it did not look like a sonnet at first impression. I am not good at pentameter myself but I think you seem to have chosen to abandon it at the end. I found the rhyming couplet to be a little clunky to read. i'll SEEK to SING my SONG with GOD'S good FA vour. un TIL it's TIME for ME to MEET my SAV iour. An extra syllable in each if those lines. Unless I am reading it wrong? Anyway 5 stars, it good.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2024
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Thank you for a good review with a careful analysis.
Comment from lyenochka
Fabulous sonnet which speaks of a life of faithful following the Lord and loving those He gave us to love. There's such a sweet contentment in this poem trusting Him and listening to Him our Song and salvation!
Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2024
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Fabulous sonnet which speaks of a life of faithful following the Lord and loving those He gave us to love. There's such a sweet contentment in this poem trusting Him and listening to Him our Song and salvation!
Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 31-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2024
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Thank you so much for a wonderful review. I am so very glad you liked it! A blessed Easter to you!
Comment from Wendy G
Very lovely thoughts here. Good you sing through life, even though in sad times the notes may waver - that is realistic and honest and makes the poem relatable. Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2024
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Very lovely thoughts here. Good you sing through life, even though in sad times the notes may waver - that is realistic and honest and makes the poem relatable. Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 31-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2024
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Thank you for your excellent review. I'm glad you understood my message. A blessed Easter to you.
Comment from patcelaw
I absolutely can identify with you on this beautifully written sonnet. I am looking forward to that day when I am meeting my savior. I will be 86 years of age in just a little over nine weeks. Have a happy Easter and God bless. Patricia.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2024
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I absolutely can identify with you on this beautifully written sonnet. I am looking forward to that day when I am meeting my savior. I will be 86 years of age in just a little over nine weeks. Have a happy Easter and God bless. Patricia.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2024
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I'm so glad you identify with my sonnet. I'm not surprised that we agree on so many things. We both love the Lord, and I was 86 in November! A blessed Easter to you, Patricia.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent poem about your faith and growing old. I can relate.
The free verse is not forced and flows well.
the structure makes sense, it draws on emotions and it presents strong images.
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason" -- Novalis
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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Excellent poem about your faith and growing old. I can relate.
The free verse is not forced and flows well.
the structure makes sense, it draws on emotions and it presents strong images.
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason" -- Novalis
Comment Written 30-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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Thanks so much, dear Gypsy for a great review.
Comment from SimianSavant
This a really beautiful work appropriate for the end of winter, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The cohesive narrative, form and rhyming all work really well. Visually, I'd get rid of the double line breaks. Everything else was great.
Since you are using the metaphor of singing, and I've been experimenting lately with phonics, here are a few ideas to open up the embouchure a bit on your piece.
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The thought when young, "I'd not grow old," was wrong, <= feels depersonalized (which maybe you intended?); reads as passive voice. I tried a bunch of alternate lines for your first one that flowed a little better and got the same meaning across, and I didn't find a solution that feels ideal, so I'm just leaving it with the last one that I tried.
IN DAYS OF SPRING, AN HOUR SEEMED SO LONG
YET age has slipped UPON me silently. <= this is questionable grammar on my part, but should project a little better since it makes the P shorter.
Although I'VE YET TO FINISH with my song, <= changed for resonance
I WONDER what NEW lyrics wait for me. <= got rid of "ing", which doesn't resonate
To reach so soon the winter season tune <= nice inner rhyme
Has SHAKEN ME WITH SADNESS AND surprise. <= I went with a stronger sense of sorrow here. Since you used "sadness" below, maybe you'll want a different word here though, like.
To know if benediction's COMING soon, <= "late" would imply that you already missed it, lol
I CANNOT know OR VENTURE TO surmise. <= switched to more open vowels
I SEARCH MY SOUL AND SING contentedly, <= "hum" doesn't resonate, so if you're not super attached to it, here's a potential alternative
THE SILVER [notes/sounds] that WAVER in their sadness, <= got rid of "Despite"
For love of God and my dear family
HAS made a wondrous melody of gladness. <= "of God and my dear family" is a prepositional phrase, so your verb (have) is a function of LOVE and should be "has", if we're being technical
I seek to sing my song with God's good favor <=got rid of "I'll" so that your vowel doesn't get cut off
Until it's time for me to meet my Savior.
I hope some or any of this is helpful to you. Thanks for the read, and happy Easter,
SS
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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This a really beautiful work appropriate for the end of winter, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The cohesive narrative, form and rhyming all work really well. Visually, I'd get rid of the double line breaks. Everything else was great.
Since you are using the metaphor of singing, and I've been experimenting lately with phonics, here are a few ideas to open up the embouchure a bit on your piece.
~~~
The thought when young, "I'd not grow old," was wrong, <= feels depersonalized (which maybe you intended?); reads as passive voice. I tried a bunch of alternate lines for your first one that flowed a little better and got the same meaning across, and I didn't find a solution that feels ideal, so I'm just leaving it with the last one that I tried.
IN DAYS OF SPRING, AN HOUR SEEMED SO LONG
YET age has slipped UPON me silently. <= this is questionable grammar on my part, but should project a little better since it makes the P shorter.
Although I'VE YET TO FINISH with my song, <= changed for resonance
I WONDER what NEW lyrics wait for me. <= got rid of "ing", which doesn't resonate
To reach so soon the winter season tune <= nice inner rhyme
Has SHAKEN ME WITH SADNESS AND surprise. <= I went with a stronger sense of sorrow here. Since you used "sadness" below, maybe you'll want a different word here though, like.
To know if benediction's COMING soon, <= "late" would imply that you already missed it, lol
I CANNOT know OR VENTURE TO surmise. <= switched to more open vowels
I SEARCH MY SOUL AND SING contentedly, <= "hum" doesn't resonate, so if you're not super attached to it, here's a potential alternative
THE SILVER [notes/sounds] that WAVER in their sadness, <= got rid of "Despite"
For love of God and my dear family
HAS made a wondrous melody of gladness. <= "of God and my dear family" is a prepositional phrase, so your verb (have) is a function of LOVE and should be "has", if we're being technical
I seek to sing my song with God's good favor <=got rid of "I'll" so that your vowel doesn't get cut off
Until it's time for me to meet my Savior.
I hope some or any of this is helpful to you. Thanks for the read, and happy Easter,
SS
Comment Written 30-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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Thank you very much for your kind remarks, for reviewing so carefully, and for your well-thought-out suggestions. I will consider them all.
Comment from Sally Law
I admire anyone who can write a sonnet, especially a spiritual one as lovely as this, my friend. Beautifully written and illustrated for the contest. I wish you all the best with this one.
Sal Xos
Happy Easter!
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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I admire anyone who can write a sonnet, especially a spiritual one as lovely as this, my friend. Beautifully written and illustrated for the contest. I wish you all the best with this one.
Sal Xos
Happy Easter!
Comment Written 30-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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Thanks so much, dear Sal! xoxo Happy Easter o you and your family.
Comment from Debi Pick Marquette
Awe, this is so beautiful, Verna. And it reminds me of a shirt I am wearing for our Easter gathering with kids and grandkids today. It says "God is still writing your story. Quit trying to steal the pen." Of course I know that you are a little farther along in age, but I know with my health I am still hoping that God is still writing my song or story to say more time here. I would like to watch all my grandkids grow up.
Your sonnet is absolutely wonderful and I wish you much good luck in the contest.
Love you, Sweetie and a Very Blessed Easter wishes to you and yours. Debi
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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Awe, this is so beautiful, Verna. And it reminds me of a shirt I am wearing for our Easter gathering with kids and grandkids today. It says "God is still writing your story. Quit trying to steal the pen." Of course I know that you are a little farther along in age, but I know with my health I am still hoping that God is still writing my song or story to say more time here. I would like to watch all my grandkids grow up.
Your sonnet is absolutely wonderful and I wish you much good luck in the contest.
Love you, Sweetie and a Very Blessed Easter wishes to you and yours. Debi
Comment Written 30-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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Thank you, my precious friend. I don't see this as the end of my life, just the winter season! Since we never know, I'm so glad we know the One who does. I hope you and yours have a blessed Easter.
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Just so you know that I wasn't thinking of you in that way either. I was talking about my health not about age. God bless you and have a wonderful Easter!
Comment from karenina
Hello, Verna!
I think this is a fine sonnet, and Lord knows, at seventy I can relate to every line! Well-rhymed and metered, with a consistent theme that builds upon itself with each stanza. Your closing envoi is lovely. (Also great advice!)
Seems we get to the winter of life in the blink of an eye, doesn't it?
Karenina
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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Hello, Verna!
I think this is a fine sonnet, and Lord knows, at seventy I can relate to every line! Well-rhymed and metered, with a consistent theme that builds upon itself with each stanza. Your closing envoi is lovely. (Also great advice!)
Seems we get to the winter of life in the blink of an eye, doesn't it?
Karenina
Comment Written 30-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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Thanks, Karenina, for a beautiful review. If we're writing from the heart, it's bound to come out. Some reviewers have seemed to think I'm dying (not presently so far as I have any idea). It's about growing old- and that I am - 86!
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My aunt is 89 and still driving herself around without any worries! She claims age is just a number ~~ and I do believe she's right! I'm so happy you're a healthy 86! Keep inspiring us!
Karenina
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Thanks, dear!
