Panpipes
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Panpipes - Chapter 21"A Novella
24 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Great chapter Tony, starting off with a little light banter before all the action started for Ayesha and Steve. You're going well with this story and these characters. Steve has been a good addition.
Cheers
Valda
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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Great chapter Tony, starting off with a little light banter before all the action started for Ayesha and Steve. You're going well with this story and these characters. Steve has been a good addition.
Cheers
Valda
Comment Written 27-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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Many thanks, Valda, for your encouragement and the accolade of a sixth star. Most motivating. I shall have to get down to writing the next chapter! A happy Easter to you. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from lyenochka
Wow! This has really become a Thriller novel. And I'm glad that Ayesha has the presence of mind to defend herself with teeth. Hopefully, the police will sort out who was the real villain and victim in Steve's case. Great job!
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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Wow! This has really become a Thriller novel. And I'm glad that Ayesha has the presence of mind to defend herself with teeth. Hopefully, the police will sort out who was the real villain and victim in Steve's case. Great job!
Comment Written 27-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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Many thanks for your continued encouragement, Helen. Most motivating. I shall have to get down to writing the next chapter! A happy Easter to you. All good wishes, Tony
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Blessings on your Easter weekend, too! I'm hoping to at least of my grandchildren with us this weekend.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
A very exciting chapter. It sounds like a movie. I like Steve. He is talented, handsome, and has a good sense of humor. I hope Ayesha is okay.
Well done
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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A very exciting chapter. It sounds like a movie. I like Steve. He is talented, handsome, and has a good sense of humor. I hope Ayesha is okay.
Well done
Comment Written 27-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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Many thanks for your continued encouragement, Gypsy. Most motivating. Now I shall have to get down to writing the next chapter! Steve is naturally modelled on the author himself! LOL
A happy Easter to you. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from phill doran
This continues to tick over nicely, Tony.
I enjoy the humour, the banter is 'real' and it breaks the cut-and-thrust of the scene(s) well.
Not a single SPAG over which to drool or on which to dwell, so I will seek comfort in the last refuge of the critic; personal opinion.
I don't think 'Run! Go like the wind' works. "Run!" certainly, but there's a whiff of Mills & Boon in the cliche (it reminds me of Spinal Tap, the satirical rock band, whose supposed first album was "Break Like The Wind")
And then I think the police stumbling on the alleyway fracas might encounter "...seeing the apparentlylifeless figure of Dave..."
As I say, personal opinion to make me feel as though I have purpose.
I wish you well with this continuing tale.
cheers
phill
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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This continues to tick over nicely, Tony.
I enjoy the humour, the banter is 'real' and it breaks the cut-and-thrust of the scene(s) well.
Not a single SPAG over which to drool or on which to dwell, so I will seek comfort in the last refuge of the critic; personal opinion.
I don't think 'Run! Go like the wind' works. "Run!" certainly, but there's a whiff of Mills & Boon in the cliche (it reminds me of Spinal Tap, the satirical rock band, whose supposed first album was "Break Like The Wind")
And then I think the police stumbling on the alleyway fracas might encounter "...seeing the apparentlylifeless figure of Dave..."
As I say, personal opinion to make me feel as though I have purpose.
I wish you well with this continuing tale.
cheers
phill
Comment Written 27-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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Thanks, Phill. Yes, Brett also mentioned the lifeless body. I changed it in Word but forgot to transfer the change to FS. I agree, too, about the whiff of Mills and Boon. I'm pleased to say that Ayesha is no longer flying or breaking wind. These are the kinds of observations that make your reviews so welcome.
Comment from rspoet
Hello Tony,
An excellent action filled chapter for sure. Steve must be trained in martial arts, but he can't avoid the thematic use of coincidence as the police appear at the moment he grabs the knife. Haven't they ever heard of taxis. Much safer than walking ten minutes with thugs trailing them. :)
Ayesha enters the Vibe Hotel. I hope there are good vibes in that hotel.
We've wandered a long way from the main theme of Bapit and the elephant,
but all's well that ends well. Perhaps she'll get safely to the Day Street police station.
Good use of suspence/tension throughout the chapter.
Best wishes.
Robert
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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Hello Tony,
An excellent action filled chapter for sure. Steve must be trained in martial arts, but he can't avoid the thematic use of coincidence as the police appear at the moment he grabs the knife. Haven't they ever heard of taxis. Much safer than walking ten minutes with thugs trailing them. :)
Ayesha enters the Vibe Hotel. I hope there are good vibes in that hotel.
We've wandered a long way from the main theme of Bapit and the elephant,
but all's well that ends well. Perhaps she'll get safely to the Day Street police station.
Good use of suspence/tension throughout the chapter.
Best wishes.
Robert
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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Many thanks, Robert, for your encouragement and the accolade of a sixth star. Most motivating. Now, I shall have to get down to writing the next chapter! You're right about a taxi being safer, but it was probably quicker to walk that distance. However, if I end up cutting down all this Sydney nonsense and get on with the main plot, I may use the taxi option.
A happy Easter to you and Pam. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from estory
This was a really good chapter. The dialogue was top notch, really crisp and the tension pulled the reader in while the action, especially at the end, held the reader firm. I liked the conversation between the two goons setting up their kidnapping attempt. You created lots of suspense. The kidnapping scene was really intense, great visuals there, it read like a TV scene. Lots of polish on this as well. This would make a great TV script. Looks like Steve is getting arrested and there's plenty of suspense to wonder what happens next. estory
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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This was a really good chapter. The dialogue was top notch, really crisp and the tension pulled the reader in while the action, especially at the end, held the reader firm. I liked the conversation between the two goons setting up their kidnapping attempt. You created lots of suspense. The kidnapping scene was really intense, great visuals there, it read like a TV scene. Lots of polish on this as well. This would make a great TV script. Looks like Steve is getting arrested and there's plenty of suspense to wonder what happens next. estory
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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Many thanks, estory, for your encouragement and the accolade of a sixth star. Most motivating. Now I shall have to get down to writing the next chapter! A happy Easter to you. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from Cindy Warren
Who would have thought getting to a police station would be so much trouble? But I think if I was worried about being followed, I would have called the police and had them send a couple of officers out. I definitely wouldn't have been walking.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
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Who would have thought getting to a police station would be so much trouble? But I think if I was worried about being followed, I would have called the police and had them send a couple of officers out. I definitely wouldn't have been walking.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
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Thanks for your comments, Cindy. As it turns out, walking wasn't a great decision. I'm not sure what level of response they'd have got to 'I think I'm being followed' though.
Wishing you a very happy Easter. All good wishes, Tony.
Comment from Pam (respa)
This is an excellent chapter, Tony. I wasn't sure what to expect from the last one, but this one worked out a little differently than I had thought. You do a good job with many twists and turns in the plot, sometimes literally, as characters are running down side streets or making it into a posh hotel for protection.
Steve seems to have a good plan and is a capable opponent. Jimmy sneaks away, avoiding the officers, and for now, Ayesha has made it into the elevator, and who knows who will be on the rooftop bar.
Very well done.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
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This is an excellent chapter, Tony. I wasn't sure what to expect from the last one, but this one worked out a little differently than I had thought. You do a good job with many twists and turns in the plot, sometimes literally, as characters are running down side streets or making it into a posh hotel for protection.
Steve seems to have a good plan and is a capable opponent. Jimmy sneaks away, avoiding the officers, and for now, Ayesha has made it into the elevator, and who knows who will be on the rooftop bar.
Very well done.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
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Thanks for your comments about this chapter, Pam, and for your continued support. I'm delighted you thought it worth a sixth star. Wishing you a very happy Easter. All the best, Tony.
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You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, Tony. Wishing you a very Happy Easter, too. Love your profile pic. What kind of birds are they?
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Kookaburras!
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Thanks!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
As ever a lively chapter, full of good humour in the beginning as Ayesha and Steve hide in the shrubbery and then a rather tense fight ensues in which Dave seems to come off the worst for wear and Jimmy escapes up a side street. Steve is definitely the hero of the piece. Some excellent dialogue here and a gripping episode. Thanks for sharing, Tony. Take care Debbie
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
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As ever a lively chapter, full of good humour in the beginning as Ayesha and Steve hide in the shrubbery and then a rather tense fight ensues in which Dave seems to come off the worst for wear and Jimmy escapes up a side street. Steve is definitely the hero of the piece. Some excellent dialogue here and a gripping episode. Thanks for sharing, Tony. Take care Debbie
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
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Thanks for your continued support and encouragement, Debbie. Greatly appreciated. Wishing you all the best for Easter. Tony
Comment from Jacob1395
That was a really tense ending and I liked how you ended it on a cliffhanger leaving us wondering what is going to happen to Ayesha next. I could really feel the fear in this piece. Another excellent chapter Tony. I enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
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That was a really tense ending and I liked how you ended it on a cliffhanger leaving us wondering what is going to happen to Ayesha next. I could really feel the fear in this piece. Another excellent chapter Tony. I enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
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Thanks, Jacob. I appreciate your encouraging comments. Wishing you a happy Easter. All the best, Tony.
