The Fix
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "The Fix - Chapter Seven"A mother fights to prove her son's innocence
11 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That's excellent news! I'm sure with the reporter and Lucie, whose dad is an ex cop, will help all they can to find the real killer. This is superb writing, my friend. I'm really enjoying it. :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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That's excellent news! I'm sure with the reporter and Lucie, whose dad is an ex cop, will help all they can to find the real killer. This is superb writing, my friend. I'm really enjoying it. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Thank you Sandra, I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from tfawcus
A glimmer of hope here for Stacey. I hope all works out and the reporter comes on board with the idea.
A good mix of conversation and internal dialogue in the chapter.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2024
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A glimmer of hope here for Stacey. I hope all works out and the reporter comes on board with the idea.
A good mix of conversation and internal dialogue in the chapter.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2024
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Thank you Tony, I?m really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This is great news for Stacey, considering that Lucie is actually willing to help someone but warns her they need to 'proceed with caution.' A suggestion:
Thank me when we get your son released from prison. I hope this will happen, but, I can't promise anything.
I think I would take the comma out after 'but' because unless she pauses for a couple of seconds, it is a conjunction that doesn't need a comma after it. You have two independent clauses there joined by the conjunction 'but' between them, in other words.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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This is great news for Stacey, considering that Lucie is actually willing to help someone but warns her they need to 'proceed with caution.' A suggestion:
Thank me when we get your son released from prison. I hope this will happen, but, I can't promise anything.
I think I would take the comma out after 'but' because unless she pauses for a couple of seconds, it is a conjunction that doesn't need a comma after it. You have two independent clauses there joined by the conjunction 'but' between them, in other words.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Thank you. I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Daylily
This is another excellent chapter providing more information as a new friendship is being formed based on an alarming situation.
re:
She clamps her hands together.......... But, the way how the police
-- use either the way the police or how the police but not both
also, for:
That's what made the case seem so watertight in the eyes of the other people, who I was on the jury with, but not with me.' --- It would be much better to say in the eyes of the other jury members, but not with me.
It is always good to delete unnecessary words because readers will then be more likely to stay with a story since unnecessary words bog down the flow.
re: Have you . . . I hope you don't mind me asking, but have you had experience working in the police before? (with the police before)
Also: ...........the police went about their investigation, it doesn't sit right with me.
To be correct, say: ...............the police went about their investigation doesn't sit right with me. (delete the comma and the word the)
re: She shakes her head. 'Not me, no, but, my father, he was a police officer.' -- Not me, no, but my father was a police officer.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2024
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This is another excellent chapter providing more information as a new friendship is being formed based on an alarming situation.
re:
She clamps her hands together.......... But, the way how the police
-- use either the way the police or how the police but not both
also, for:
That's what made the case seem so watertight in the eyes of the other people, who I was on the jury with, but not with me.' --- It would be much better to say in the eyes of the other jury members, but not with me.
It is always good to delete unnecessary words because readers will then be more likely to stay with a story since unnecessary words bog down the flow.
re: Have you . . . I hope you don't mind me asking, but have you had experience working in the police before? (with the police before)
Also: ...........the police went about their investigation, it doesn't sit right with me.
To be correct, say: ...............the police went about their investigation doesn't sit right with me. (delete the comma and the word the)
re: She shakes her head. 'Not me, no, but, my father, he was a police officer.' -- Not me, no, but my father was a police officer.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2024
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Thank you, I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
That a juror disbelieves her own verdict should give the story juice.The highlights go before the mew chapter not after. Having to troll upsets people. I like the flow of the piece. Karen
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2024
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That a juror disbelieves her own verdict should give the story juice.The highlights go before the mew chapter not after. Having to troll upsets people. I like the flow of the piece. Karen
Comment Written 20-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2024
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Thanks.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is good. Stacey has some real hope now so that she's no longer fighting this on her own. Your story is very readable with good pace, Jacob, and we can now see an opening perhaps for Stacey to prove Joshua's innocence. The question about Lucie working in the police -I don't think she'd be allowed on the jury if she had. I like your precis of the background to the story. Well done! Debbie
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2024
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This is good. Stacey has some real hope now so that she's no longer fighting this on her own. Your story is very readable with good pace, Jacob, and we can now see an opening perhaps for Stacey to prove Joshua's innocence. The question about Lucie working in the police -I don't think she'd be allowed on the jury if she had. I like your precis of the background to the story. Well done! Debbie
Comment Written 19-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2024
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Hi debbie, Lucie wasn?t working with the police but her father did many years ago. I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
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No I know, Jacob. I was just questioning the need for the question in the first place when you can't serve on the jury if you're in the police force. (just being pedantic:)
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
"But, the way how the police went about their . . ." - drop "how"
The sentence that starts "I hope you don't mind me asking . . ." You follow it up with "I ask" It seems redundant to me, since we already know she's asking.
Having a journalist dig into some of the story is a great addition to this story, Jacob. I think it's creative.
A good chapter, and I love that a man is writing about three women who are working together to change something big. Good for you!
Look forward to the next chapter.
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2024
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"But, the way how the police went about their . . ." - drop "how"
The sentence that starts "I hope you don't mind me asking . . ." You follow it up with "I ask" It seems redundant to me, since we already know she's asking.
Having a journalist dig into some of the story is a great addition to this story, Jacob. I think it's creative.
A good chapter, and I love that a man is writing about three women who are working together to change something big. Good for you!
Look forward to the next chapter.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 19-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2024
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Thank you Pam, I?m really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from BethShelby
I don't know about jury trials in England, but here the foreman vote counts as one of the twelve. If this girl was so sure he was innocent her vote would have hung the jury and they would have had to declare a mistrial. Is it different in other places or did she just not want to go against the majority? I'm enjoying the story.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2024
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I don't know about jury trials in England, but here the foreman vote counts as one of the twelve. If this girl was so sure he was innocent her vote would have hung the jury and they would have had to declare a mistrial. Is it different in other places or did she just not want to go against the majority? I'm enjoying the story.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2024
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Thank you Beth, if the majority of the members of the jury agree then they must go with that decision, even if someone in the group doesn't. It's only a hung jury if it's split down the middle.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Lucie is getting help to prove her son's innocence. I'm glad finally somebody is on her side. I can't wait to see how you're going to play this out. I am enjoying reading.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2024
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Lucie is getting help to prove her son's innocence. I'm glad finally somebody is on her side. I can't wait to see how you're going to play this out. I am enjoying reading.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2024
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Thank you Barbara, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a terrible situation to be in and Stacey must not give up on her son who she believes is innocent of the crime. I enjoyed your dialogue and your realistic approach to this heart-rendering story Jacob, love Dolly x x x
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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2024
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This is a terrible situation to be in and Stacey must not give up on her son who she believes is innocent of the crime. I enjoyed your dialogue and your realistic approach to this heart-rendering story Jacob, love Dolly x x x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2024
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Thank you Dolly, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
