Archie, The Grumpy Whale
Love on the high seas.37 total reviews
Comment from Sanku
What a nice whale! he drove away the storm.i loved the story of this grumpy whale ,much much better than the Classic Moby Dick. Thank you for sharing..
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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What a nice whale! he drove away the storm.i loved the story of this grumpy whale ,much much better than the Classic Moby Dick. Thank you for sharing..
Comment Written 14-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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Thanks so very much...fun with these little scribbles...Hope you are well.....Godspeed to you and yours....Stu Harrell
Comment from nomi338
A good deed done as an olive leaf can sometimes soothe an angered brow which in turn may result in a life saving "apology accepted" move. Sometimes we do things that are not well thought out. If we are given the chance to make things right we would be even bigger fools to not take advantage and to make sure to be more thoughtful in the future. I love the spirit and the voice in which this pleasing ditty was written and presented.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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A good deed done as an olive leaf can sometimes soothe an angered brow which in turn may result in a life saving "apology accepted" move. Sometimes we do things that are not well thought out. If we are given the chance to make things right we would be even bigger fools to not take advantage and to make sure to be more thoughtful in the future. I love the spirit and the voice in which this pleasing ditty was written and presented.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
Yikes....I am a scribbling, dribbling punditeer.....you sound like the real thing!......Best Wishes to you and yours going forward.....Stu Harrell
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You are most welcome, Sir Scribbling, dribbling, punditeer.
Comment from Gunner Lil
A very good poem that is well written. It is an easy read that has a nice pace and good flow.
I may have had the Frogmore stew in Beaufort, S.C. and not known it.
Enjoyed your poem. Thank you!
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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A very good poem that is well written. It is an easy read that has a nice pace and good flow.
I may have had the Frogmore stew in Beaufort, S.C. and not known it.
Enjoyed your poem. Thank you!
Comment Written 14-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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Thanks so very much....I spent my schoolboy summers throughout the Deep South....lots of yummy stuff....some hard to look at...but yummy nonetheless.....Best Wishes to you and yours....Stu Harrell
Comment from Rachelle Allen
The lilting, undeniably tempestuous rhythm you chose for this made me feel sea-tossed, so excellent work on that front. You kept your rhyming pattern nice and consistent and true, as well, so that it fun to read aloud, which, in my opinion, is the ONLY way to read poetry!
This was the only place where my musician's ear felt a hitch:
Now a tasty treat of the locals
Was a shrimpy tasty brew
and I think it's because 'tasty' was used twice so close together and also because that first line feels as if it has an extra beat. (Most of your other beginning lines have only eight syllabes) Maybe a one-syllable adjective instead? FINE? GREAT? VAST? RARE? STOCK?
Or, if you love 'tasty' there, maybe delete 'Now' so you'll have just eight syllables? Then on line two, you could substitute another word for 'tasty?': HEARTY, TANGY, SCRUMPTIOUS, FILLING, SPICY, BRINEY, SALTY?
Also - are you ready to kill me yet, Stu? I hope I'm not coming across obnoxiously here. It's just that I love the "bones" of this sea-faring adventure, but a couple of them are poking me. (Yikes, even I found THAT obnoxious!! Please forgive my lame-ass attempt at humor there...) But the word 'yummy' doesn't seem right to me. I'm picturing these rough-and-tough, sailor guys, having this incredibly amazing adventure -and meal - and then suddenly they become preschoolers and use the word "yummy." PLUMPED-UP? BUTTERED? SOFT, SWEET? STEAMING? [Can I just say; I LOVE the next part "corny cobs." Now THAT seemed like something a pirate-y kind of guy would say! I found that just perfect.]
Anyway, these are just my thoughts. Keep in mind that they have the potential of being worth exactly what you paid for them! Ha! Please know that I did love the way this captivated my imagination. You did a fine job taking me right onto that boat with you. So thanks for the early morning excursion, and good luck in the contest! xo
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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The lilting, undeniably tempestuous rhythm you chose for this made me feel sea-tossed, so excellent work on that front. You kept your rhyming pattern nice and consistent and true, as well, so that it fun to read aloud, which, in my opinion, is the ONLY way to read poetry!
This was the only place where my musician's ear felt a hitch:
Now a tasty treat of the locals
Was a shrimpy tasty brew
and I think it's because 'tasty' was used twice so close together and also because that first line feels as if it has an extra beat. (Most of your other beginning lines have only eight syllabes) Maybe a one-syllable adjective instead? FINE? GREAT? VAST? RARE? STOCK?
Or, if you love 'tasty' there, maybe delete 'Now' so you'll have just eight syllables? Then on line two, you could substitute another word for 'tasty?': HEARTY, TANGY, SCRUMPTIOUS, FILLING, SPICY, BRINEY, SALTY?
Also - are you ready to kill me yet, Stu? I hope I'm not coming across obnoxiously here. It's just that I love the "bones" of this sea-faring adventure, but a couple of them are poking me. (Yikes, even I found THAT obnoxious!! Please forgive my lame-ass attempt at humor there...) But the word 'yummy' doesn't seem right to me. I'm picturing these rough-and-tough, sailor guys, having this incredibly amazing adventure -and meal - and then suddenly they become preschoolers and use the word "yummy." PLUMPED-UP? BUTTERED? SOFT, SWEET? STEAMING? [Can I just say; I LOVE the next part "corny cobs." Now THAT seemed like something a pirate-y kind of guy would say! I found that just perfect.]
Anyway, these are just my thoughts. Keep in mind that they have the potential of being worth exactly what you paid for them! Ha! Please know that I did love the way this captivated my imagination. You did a fine job taking me right onto that boat with you. So thanks for the early morning excursion, and good luck in the contest! xo
Comment Written 14-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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Yikes....you are surely the real thing....all....repeating... all.. of my stuff needs tiny revision....they are beaten out on a legal pad with the idea that it may be a wider story..mission is a deadline and a posting date...thanks to Fan Story for letting me submit my hardscrabble verses...Godspeed to you and yours.....Stu Harrell
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I do all my initial writing on a legal pad, too. For whatever reason, that's how my creativity works best!
xoxo
Comment from gramalot8
What s fun well written poem. A great entry for the free form contest.
Thank goodness that grumpy whale found a treat in that stew he loves and ends up saving the day. Makes for good folklore.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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What s fun well written poem. A great entry for the free form contest.
Thank goodness that grumpy whale found a treat in that stew he loves and ends up saving the day. Makes for good folklore.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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Thanks so very much....I grew up with these little knickknack verses and have found them great stuff..."old and easily amused"...Ha!
Godspeed to you and yours....Stu Harrell
Comment from jake cosmos aller
wonderful lovely poem using traditional verse forms to illustrate a story about encountering a whale on the high seas who saves a ship from an incoming storm
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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wonderful lovely poem using traditional verse forms to illustrate a story about encountering a whale on the high seas who saves a ship from an incoming storm
Comment Written 13-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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Thanks so very much......All the best to you going forward...Stu Harrell
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is a fun verse in memory of Grumpy who wasn't harmed during the course of your write and, in fact, became a sailor's friend. Your free verse is original, characterful and includes some assured rhyme which adds fluency and appeal. Thanks for sharing, Stu, and good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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This is a fun verse in memory of Grumpy who wasn't harmed during the course of your write and, in fact, became a sailor's friend. Your free verse is original, characterful and includes some assured rhyme which adds fluency and appeal. Thanks for sharing, Stu, and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 13-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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Yikes....what a beautiful name....are you related to the actor from Master and Commander?...James D'Arcy....He had a great part.....Godspeed to you and yours....Stu Harrell
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Sadly no:)
Comment from Joanne Gill-Maddick
This is a nicely written poem. It has a great flow and rhyme. Huge was the wave he created
It drove the storm away
Now we raise a toast to his memory
Have done so til this day.awesome ð???
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2024
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This is a nicely written poem. It has a great flow and rhyme. Huge was the wave he created
It drove the storm away
Now we raise a toast to his memory
Have done so til this day.awesome ð???
Comment Written 13-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2024
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Thanks so very much....these have a sing song texture which I tried to catch here and there......Best Wishes to you and yours.....Stu Harrell
Comment from Heather Bagley
My dad was a sailor, and I could absolutely see this just being another sea tale. I can imagine some gruff-looking white-haired old man with a southern drawl scolding a young couple for doubting the story of Archie, then delving into a story about his time at sea.
Good luck in your contest!
~Heather
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2024
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My dad was a sailor, and I could absolutely see this just being another sea tale. I can imagine some gruff-looking white-haired old man with a southern drawl scolding a young couple for doubting the story of Archie, then delving into a story about his time at sea.
Good luck in your contest!
~Heather
Comment Written 13-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2024
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Thanks so very much....these are fun to scibble together.....altough admittedly a little roughly drawn...HAHA.....Best wishes to you and yours....Stu Harrell
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi Stu - it's nice to meet you!
Thank you for your service!
Your poetry made the whale come to life, and I loved this work. Thank you for sharing and teaching me about 'frogmore stew.'
~Mustang~
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2024
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Hi Stu - it's nice to meet you!
Thank you for your service!
Your poetry made the whale come to life, and I loved this work. Thank you for sharing and teaching me about 'frogmore stew.'
~Mustang~
Comment Written 13-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2024
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Thanks for your kind thoughts...I was '"a rather ordinary fellow surrounded by extraordinary men"....these are fun to sketch together...hope for the best and then hit submit.....All the best to you and yours.....Stu Harrell...PS what a neat name !!
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: ) Thank you! Once upon a time, there was a janitor in the building where I worked. When he saw the car I drove - a 2006 GT at that time, he dubbed me, 'Mustang Patty,' and the name has been mine since then.
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Now how cool is that?....You got me humming "Poke Salad Annie".....Godspeed.....Stu
