Trained to Forget
A cost for humility28 total reviews
Comment from nor84
This is well-written and the characters' feelings are clearly identified. I have one suggestion to offer, and that is the use of character names. In this piece of slightly less than a thousand words, I saw approximately fifteen uses of the character name "Dora."
Additionally, there were only two characters in the scene, but they often refer to each other by name in dialogue sections. We don't normally do that in real life, and it sort of stands out. There were several repeats of the male character' s name as well.
I hope this critique has been useful to you, but if not, there is no need to reply.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2024
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This is well-written and the characters' feelings are clearly identified. I have one suggestion to offer, and that is the use of character names. In this piece of slightly less than a thousand words, I saw approximately fifteen uses of the character name "Dora."
Additionally, there were only two characters in the scene, but they often refer to each other by name in dialogue sections. We don't normally do that in real life, and it sort of stands out. There were several repeats of the male character' s name as well.
I hope this critique has been useful to you, but if not, there is no need to reply.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2024
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Hi Nor, I often use their names repeatedly for effect in my fictional pieces, especially if it's a love story. It works for some and not for others. When I get someone that critiques this way I use it as a barometer and will usually go back in and tone it down. So, I do thank you for this critique, nor84. Don't feel it's not appreciated or welcome. Best, JohnC
Comment from lancellot
This is well written, and it has a sad theme, especially for those who recall and lost people in wars. I think a bigger theme here is how to move on, when and perhaps the value of hanging on to the past and dead.
Interesting read.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2024
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This is well written, and it has a sad theme, especially for those who recall and lost people in wars. I think a bigger theme here is how to move on, when and perhaps the value of hanging on to the past and dead.
Interesting read.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2024
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Thank you, Lance. It's nice to have you stop by now and again to review my work. I'm a fan! Best, JohnC
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a heartfelt and brief filled post about deep loss and sadness and many will identify with your words here as we lose our sons and daughters, Fathers and Mothers, husbands and wives to war, a moving post, love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2024
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This is a heartfelt and brief filled post about deep loss and sadness and many will identify with your words here as we lose our sons and daughters, Fathers and Mothers, husbands and wives to war, a moving post, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 01-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2024
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Thank you, Dolly for the great review and kind words. I love having you stop by to read my work.
Comment from Baltimore Born
This was a very powerful story. The conversation between the two was very enlightening. I got to say this story was very heart touching. The conversation between the two characters is probably what is discussed between a veteran returning from war and their spouse. Excellent dialogue between the two throughout the story. Nice job.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2024
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This was a very powerful story. The conversation between the two was very enlightening. I got to say this story was very heart touching. The conversation between the two characters is probably what is discussed between a veteran returning from war and their spouse. Excellent dialogue between the two throughout the story. Nice job.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2024
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Thank you so much, BB, for the great review and for the generous sixth star.
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You are welcome.
Comment from derek campbell
Wow such an amazing writer you are I love everything about it your really good I Can't wait to see more of your amazing skills but next time try and express your feeling a bit more deeper on certain areas but other then that really good stuff can't wait to read more of your magic keep it up
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2024
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Wow such an amazing writer you are I love everything about it your really good I Can't wait to see more of your amazing skills but next time try and express your feeling a bit more deeper on certain areas but other then that really good stuff can't wait to read more of your magic keep it up
Comment Written 01-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2024
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Your review and your stars are super contradictory, and if nothing else, I was curious about your rating; is it a mistake, or are you sure this piece only deserves three stars? If you're sure, so be it, but if not, would you consider reviewing the rating rules and getting back to me?
Thanks for stopping by! I hope when you have a better understanding of how things work here, you'll come back and review me again. Until then...
Comment from jim vecchio
This is my third try at this. I keep losing the page, so I'll go quickly. Wish I had more stars to offer. This was a wonderful, bittersweet tale of love and war and I hope Man never reaches the point where he can feel comfortable about taking a life. As Clint Eastwood said, "You take away all that he is, and all that he's ever gonna be."
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2024
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This is my third try at this. I keep losing the page, so I'll go quickly. Wish I had more stars to offer. This was a wonderful, bittersweet tale of love and war and I hope Man never reaches the point where he can feel comfortable about taking a life. As Clint Eastwood said, "You take away all that he is, and all that he's ever gonna be."
Comment Written 29-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2024
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Hi, Jim, thank you for the great review and the honorable mention of the sixth star.
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Wish I had it! You have to post on Sunday!
Comment from Mintybee
This was full of humanity and sadness. The twist at the end was foreshadowed in how cold Dora was at the beginning. I was wondering when we'd get back to that. I'm glad the character is able to find some closure and move on.
Mintybee
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2024
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This was full of humanity and sadness. The twist at the end was foreshadowed in how cold Dora was at the beginning. I was wondering when we'd get back to that. I'm glad the character is able to find some closure and move on.
Mintybee
Comment Written 29-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2024
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Thank you, Mintybee, for the great review and kind words. All are much appreciated.
Comment from Julie Helms
This is a very touching conversation between Dora and her wise, wise husband. Excellent observations about the hell that war is, and how it affects those fighting it, and affects the loved ones of those fighting it.
I liked the twist/reveal at the end. I had a little hint of it when she pulled up that patch of grass. Very well done story. Thanks for sharing! Julie.
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2024
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This is a very touching conversation between Dora and her wise, wise husband. Excellent observations about the hell that war is, and how it affects those fighting it, and affects the loved ones of those fighting it.
I liked the twist/reveal at the end. I had a little hint of it when she pulled up that patch of grass. Very well done story. Thanks for sharing! Julie.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2024
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Thank you for the great review, Julie! It's appreciated. Yeah, that part is what gave it away for most. I'm happy you enjoyed it.
Comment from Wendy G
A very interesting and thoughtful write, all the more poignant because his death is implied but not stated. And the point about being trained to forget the very humanness of the enemy is particularly relevant and meaningful. Well done.
Wendy
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2024
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A very interesting and thoughtful write, all the more poignant because his death is implied but not stated. And the point about being trained to forget the very humanness of the enemy is particularly relevant and meaningful. Well done.
Wendy
Comment Written 28-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2024
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Thank you, Wendy, for the great review. I'm pleased you enjoyed it.
Comment from Mrs. KT
Incredibly moving, John, and much enjoyed.
I did have a bit of foreboding when Dora "pulled up a swatch of grass and soil near her shoe." (I love hints like that!)
If I may, this paragraph seems a bit unsettled -
Branson made a sweeping motion in the air with his palm.("So, whether these men died in the milliseconds of their benevolence or perhaps their humanness, whatever their case may be." They all died for their cause, Dora.) I WOULD JOIN THESE THOUGHTS TOGETHER; OTHERWISE THE CLAUSE BEGININNG WITH 'SO' IS A FRAGMENT. Don't take that away from them because you feel sad for me." Branson shifted on the bench and looked at his wife's vanward gaze. "You said you were proud of me. Well, allow the pride to work its magic, Dora. Allow it to bury the grief and the guilt. Will you do that?"
Thank you for sharing, John
Warmly,
diane
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2024
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Incredibly moving, John, and much enjoyed.
I did have a bit of foreboding when Dora "pulled up a swatch of grass and soil near her shoe." (I love hints like that!)
If I may, this paragraph seems a bit unsettled -
Branson made a sweeping motion in the air with his palm.("So, whether these men died in the milliseconds of their benevolence or perhaps their humanness, whatever their case may be." They all died for their cause, Dora.) I WOULD JOIN THESE THOUGHTS TOGETHER; OTHERWISE THE CLAUSE BEGININNG WITH 'SO' IS A FRAGMENT. Don't take that away from them because you feel sad for me." Branson shifted on the bench and looked at his wife's vanward gaze. "You said you were proud of me. Well, allow the pride to work its magic, Dora. Allow it to bury the grief and the guilt. Will you do that?"
Thank you for sharing, John
Warmly,
diane
Comment Written 28-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2024
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Ahh, yes, I see what you mean, Diane. I'll make that change. You have the eyes of an eagle, my dear lady.
Thank you, Diane, for the great review and critique. It's comforting to know that folks have your back. You always come through for me.
Grateful in Upstate!
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My pleasure, John!
I loved your story!
diane
