Sudden Death
2nd Place Finish10 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
You did a great job with the characters and I could feel like I was in the room and the smell! I like the humor that you added even though you ended with a really grim finale for the poor fast-food addict.
Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2024
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You did a great job with the characters and I could feel like I was in the room and the smell! I like the humor that you added even though you ended with a really grim finale for the poor fast-food addict.
Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 25-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2024
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I dont think this one went well, but, it was a fun write up! Blessings!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is a difficult challenge which you've achieved well with excellent characters and descriptive detail, plus humour and managing to squeeze all those prompt words in. I'm impressed. A strong contender! Good luck Debbie
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024
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This is a difficult challenge which you've achieved well with excellent characters and descriptive detail, plus humour and managing to squeeze all those prompt words in. I'm impressed. A strong contender! Good luck Debbie
Comment Written 24-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024
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I would have thought so. It sank quicker than the Titanic. But, there is only three entries, so I shall rise to the podium like the mighty Phoenix! Ha. I write for fun.
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Goodness, playing cards, and losing is surely a writer's block; I wouldn't be able to think for sure. And then after losing money, you must go and get therapy; at least I would. Gambling the night away is fun if you win but not if you lose.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Goodness, playing cards, and losing is surely a writer's block; I wouldn't be able to think for sure. And then after losing money, you must go and get therapy; at least I would. Gambling the night away is fun if you win but not if you lose.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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True dat! And there?s only three entries so I?m at least getting third! Ha!
Comment from Julie Helms
Excellent story, and you managed to make that list of required words fit in seamlessly. I loved the twist at the end!
Some hyphens for you:
first name bases (first-name basis)
46 ounce Big Gulp (46-ounce Big Gulp)
forty-five year old man (forty-five-year-old man)
after brushing off some lint and fuzz balls, shoved the entire octopus looking conglomeration into his mouth (Eww, nasty!! Octopus-looking)
the other men know it was a 'tell (knew)
on call workaholic (on-call workaholic)
You got my vote. :-)
Julie
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Excellent story, and you managed to make that list of required words fit in seamlessly. I loved the twist at the end!
Some hyphens for you:
first name bases (first-name basis)
46 ounce Big Gulp (46-ounce Big Gulp)
forty-five year old man (forty-five-year-old man)
after brushing off some lint and fuzz balls, shoved the entire octopus looking conglomeration into his mouth (Eww, nasty!! Octopus-looking)
the other men know it was a 'tell (knew)
on call workaholic (on-call workaholic)
You got my vote. :-)
Julie
Comment Written 23-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Thanks, Julie. Seems to be flailing, but it was a fun idea!
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I am often mystified by voting results.
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Ha! Somebody told me I was like AC/DC in a retirement home. I think they were trying to discourage me from being on FS but I actually took it as a compliment.
Comment from Jim Wile
Great story. Not many clues about G's identity until the end. Maybe I should have guessed it when he said his first stop was probably going to be right there. I like the way you bolded all the requirements for the story.
I loved your descriptions of the different players, especially Bobby. Great caricature of a John Candy-like character who suffered a similar fate.
An entertaining, well-crafted story.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Great story. Not many clues about G's identity until the end. Maybe I should have guessed it when he said his first stop was probably going to be right there. I like the way you bolded all the requirements for the story.
I loved your descriptions of the different players, especially Bobby. Great caricature of a John Candy-like character who suffered a similar fate.
An entertaining, well-crafted story.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Needed some editing, but we?ll see how she goes!
Comment from LJbutterfly
Wow! You cleverly made this card game detailed, realistic and interesting. Your story also includes a bit of suspense even though the reader suspects what is going to happen to Bobby. You kept the reader challenged and engaged to find out how and when Bobby would meet his demise. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Wow! You cleverly made this card game detailed, realistic and interesting. Your story also includes a bit of suspense even though the reader suspects what is going to happen to Bobby. You kept the reader challenged and engaged to find out how and when Bobby would meet his demise. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Thank you. My editing sucks. Still, it was a fun idea.
Comment from Gunner Lil
You did do a great job with this.
An easy read that had this reader wanting more. Excellent description of all the characters. Very good dialogue that moved the story along.
Was it. 'We shall' or "I shall finish the game" from Young Guns?
Good Luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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You did do a great job with this.
An easy read that had this reader wanting more. Excellent description of all the characters. Very good dialogue that moved the story along.
Was it. 'We shall' or "I shall finish the game" from Young Guns?
Good Luck in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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It was both. That was tricky. In the second one when they are coming out of the Pueblo and everyone is getting shot Emilio yells that at Doc. We shall. Fun contest.
Comment from RJ Heritage
Very well written story a d quite believable as well. You obviously have played this game before. I liked how you kept each person in character, that you established early. This really gives the story authenticity. Great storyline as well. I am even wondering if Death was actually there at the game.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Very well written story a d quite believable as well. You obviously have played this game before. I liked how you kept each person in character, that you established early. This really gives the story authenticity. Great storyline as well. I am even wondering if Death was actually there at the game.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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They call G Grim Reaper in the end. Fun idea. Death at a poker game.
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Indeed it is?
RJ
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Indeed it is?
RJ
Comment from Baltimore Born
This is a well-written story. All of the words and phrases required for this contest are there. Good description of the characters and scene. The story was easy to read and captivating. Nice job.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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This is a well-written story. All of the words and phrases required for this contest are there. Good description of the characters and scene. The story was easy to read and captivating. Nice job.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Thanks! Only three in the contest so everybody is a winner!
Comment from jmdg1954
Author...
You provided a good story with the required words and quote.
The story was believable and felt almost TV like.
Best of luck in the contest.
John
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Author...
You provided a good story with the required words and quote.
The story was believable and felt almost TV like.
Best of luck in the contest.
John
Comment Written 21-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Thanks, John. Only three entries, so I shall be on the podium. Teehee
