The Fix
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Fix - Chapter Three"A mother fights to prove her son's innocence
16 total reviews
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Brilliant writing here in my opinion. I especially liked your use of terse and pithy sentences to create tension and push the action along. I will be looking out for chapter 5. kay
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2024
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Brilliant writing here in my opinion. I especially liked your use of terse and pithy sentences to create tension and push the action along. I will be looking out for chapter 5. kay
Comment Written 24-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2024
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Thank you for the six stars, I?m really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was a good start! But, perhaps it really was the best start, when Georgia discovers who Stacey is, she will either threaten her with the police, or, tell her she is on her son's side. I'm off to the next chapter. This is great writing, Jacob. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024
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That was a good start! But, perhaps it really was the best start, when Georgia discovers who Stacey is, she will either threaten her with the police, or, tell her she is on her son's side. I'm off to the next chapter. This is great writing, Jacob. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 24-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024
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Thank you Sandra, I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from tfawcus
Superb use of sentence variation to give the sense of urgency and near-panic. You also use incidental details such as the McDonald's cup and the busker well to establish the setting vividly in your readers's minds. Great cliffhanger at the end, too.
tumbling out of of the doors, (of of)
It's got; I hate to say it, dirtier. (Suggest the incidental clause might be better punctuated with em dashes)
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2024
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Superb use of sentence variation to give the sense of urgency and near-panic. You also use incidental details such as the McDonald's cup and the busker well to establish the setting vividly in your readers's minds. Great cliffhanger at the end, too.
tumbling out of of the doors, (of of)
It's got; I hate to say it, dirtier. (Suggest the incidental clause might be better punctuated with em dashes)
Comment Written 21-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2024
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Thank you for the six stars Tony, I?m really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Begin Again
Very well written and enjoyed, Jacob!
The suspense and the detailing of the following was perfect. Enough description to entertain the reader as they hop trains and follow the unbeaten path.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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Very well written and enjoyed, Jacob!
The suspense and the detailing of the following was perfect. Enough description to entertain the reader as they hop trains and follow the unbeaten path.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 20-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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Thank you Carol, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from John Ciarmello
This was a nail-biter, Jacob! As I read, I thought Stacey simply wanted to find out where Georgia lived. It was a shock when she went up the driveway and knocked on the door. This is a subtle hanger but a brilliant one!
Nice work here. Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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This was a nail-biter, Jacob! As I read, I thought Stacey simply wanted to find out where Georgia lived. It was a shock when she went up the driveway and knocked on the door. This is a subtle hanger but a brilliant one!
Nice work here. Best, JohnC
Comment Written 19-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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Thank you John, I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Cool. Stacey managed to tail her all the way. Now what, get turned in to the cops? Maybe go to jail?
Nicely written chapter. Suspensful enough for the action. Good work.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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Cool. Stacey managed to tail her all the way. Now what, get turned in to the cops? Maybe go to jail?
Nicely written chapter. Suspensful enough for the action. Good work.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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Thank you, I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from BethShelby
This is interesting how she have fainted on and now the girl can't exactly close the door on her as she might have done if she had realized it was the mother of the young man the jury she served on has just declared guilty. I'm anxious to see where this goes.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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This is interesting how she have fainted on and now the girl can't exactly close the door on her as she might have done if she had realized it was the mother of the young man the jury she served on has just declared guilty. I'm anxious to see where this goes.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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Thank you Beth, I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Daylily
You have an excellent grasp of what it takes to write a riveting first person story. The plot is intriguing and creative as well. It definitely holds interest. I am eager to read the next posting.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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You have an excellent grasp of what it takes to write a riveting first person story. The plot is intriguing and creative as well. It definitely holds interest. I am eager to read the next posting.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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Thank you for the six stars, I?m really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This chapter's pace makes me want to go back and read the other chapters. Stacey must have been very nervous to get this far. It sounds as if she fainted right as she wanted to ask something essential. Great way to keep reader interest.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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This chapter's pace makes me want to go back and read the other chapters. Stacey must have been very nervous to get this far. It sounds as if she fainted right as she wanted to ask something essential. Great way to keep reader interest.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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Thank you. I?m really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Oh my goodness this is quite an exciting chapter as following someone without them knowing is not easy and this lady was followed to her home and just as she answers the door, Stacey collapses! Another fine chapter Jacob, love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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Oh my goodness this is quite an exciting chapter as following someone without them knowing is not easy and this lady was followed to her home and just as she answers the door, Stacey collapses! Another fine chapter Jacob, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 19-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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Thank you Dolly, I?m really pleased that you enjoyed it.
