Revelations
5-7-5 Poem13 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is a hauntingly stirring post which tells a story of dark foreboding in this 5-7-5 verse form. Beautifully presented with your visual, it makes a strong, unsettling impact. Well done and good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2024
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This is a hauntingly stirring post which tells a story of dark foreboding in this 5-7-5 verse form. Beautifully presented with your visual, it makes a strong, unsettling impact. Well done and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 21-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2024
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Thanks, Debbie.
It's easy to feel this 'dark foreboding' these days, although I have to say I am usually a bit more upbeat than this!
Steve
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Steve,
I think a lot of people think of the earth as stationary, just spinning in one place for time's sake. But it is actually moving forward all the time as it orbits the Sun. In turn, our solar system spins in the Milky Way galaxy. So we are always venturing into unknown territory, "the abyss".
But is that why we tremble? Maybe it's because our world is going crazy. It seems so many things are wrong these days. Will we ever have peace?
Good Luck in the 5-7-5 contest!
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2024
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Hi Steve,
I think a lot of people think of the earth as stationary, just spinning in one place for time's sake. But it is actually moving forward all the time as it orbits the Sun. In turn, our solar system spins in the Milky Way galaxy. So we are always venturing into unknown territory, "the abyss".
But is that why we tremble? Maybe it's because our world is going crazy. It seems so many things are wrong these days. Will we ever have peace?
Good Luck in the 5-7-5 contest!
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 20-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2024
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Thanks, Kimbob.
Peace is elusive, isn't it? We are not bad, way down here in our Pacific paradise, but still not immune to the terrifying news that drifts in from the rest of the world.
Maybe next year!
Steve
Comment from QC Poet
A wonderfully written and thoughtful look at man's work into destroying what he can never build many civilizations tried to reach the heavens some legendary writings and artifacts seem to suggest they like us now have done unfortunately it has lead to self destruction for them and it seems we are headed for the same fate.
Thank you for Sharing your thought provoking entry and Good Luck to you in the contest
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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A wonderfully written and thoughtful look at man's work into destroying what he can never build many civilizations tried to reach the heavens some legendary writings and artifacts seem to suggest they like us now have done unfortunately it has lead to self destruction for them and it seems we are headed for the same fate.
Thank you for Sharing your thought provoking entry and Good Luck to you in the contest
Comment Written 19-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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Thanks, QC.
Yeah, it can look pretty grim at times. I am actually a little more upbeat than this poem would suggest and in any case there's not a lot we can do - except voting - to change the direction the world is going.
Steve
Comment from teafor2
Kiwisteveh: A lot of concern packed into these sparse seventeen syllables.
Depending on what vantage/view one is observing from, this could be
end up being an underwear changing event:) Awesome picture makes one feel small. teafor2
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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Kiwisteveh: A lot of concern packed into these sparse seventeen syllables.
Depending on what vantage/view one is observing from, this could be
end up being an underwear changing event:) Awesome picture makes one feel small. teafor2
Comment Written 19-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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Thank you! We don't like that kind of event, do we.
Fingers and toes all crossed for some more settledelections and other happenings around the globe in this significant year.
Steve
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You are welcome Steve...I agree w/you,
we don't need any more global warming
incidents:) teafor2
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Sadly it looks like those will continue. More often, more intense...
This is the new normal and we are cutting it very fine to even maintain at this new level.
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True that...So very true!
Comment from Chrissy710
Hi Steve
It seems like that at times doesn't it ?
A great 5-7-5 that states a lot in 3 short lines
A good entry for the contest
Lets hope we all see the light d
Sooner than later
Cheers Chris
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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Hi Steve
It seems like that at times doesn't it ?
A great 5-7-5 that states a lot in 3 short lines
A good entry for the contest
Lets hope we all see the light d
Sooner than later
Cheers Chris
Comment Written 19-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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Hey, Chris.
I'm actually a little more upbeat than this poem might suggest, although it's a little strange that my pen often seems to drift towards the dark.
Steve
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I will stay away from the abyss Cheers Chris
Comment from Sugarray77
Your very apt statement in this verse is amplified by the large, spinning earth you've chosen for the art. The climatic and scary satori gets a reaction from the reader and is hard to ignore. A very dramatic write, Steve. Wish you luck!
Melissa
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2024
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Your very apt statement in this verse is amplified by the large, spinning earth you've chosen for the art. The climatic and scary satori gets a reaction from the reader and is hard to ignore. A very dramatic write, Steve. Wish you luck!
Melissa
Comment Written 18-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2024
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Thanks, Melissa.
Dramatic is good in a poem, but maybe not so good if that's what we get in reality!
Steve
Comment from Jodi Ann Anderson
I really like this poem. It flows nice and has a great picture to go with it. I also think it could be interpreted in different ways. I see it as time is going so fast that it makes you tremble, Great job!
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2024
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I really like this poem. It flows nice and has a great picture to go with it. I also think it could be interpreted in different ways. I see it as time is going so fast that it makes you tremble, Great job!
Comment Written 18-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2024
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Hi, Jodi and welcome to FanStory - I hope you like it here.
Thanks for the kind words. Time certainly flies fast, especially when you're as old as me!
Steve
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Nice artwork and presentation, Steve.
-The syllable count is good, along with the topic.
-Effective imagery paints a good word picture
of the "crazy world," as well as reactions to that,
often feeling we've been left in the abyss.
-A good entry; good luck!!
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2024
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-Nice artwork and presentation, Steve.
-The syllable count is good, along with the topic.
-Effective imagery paints a good word picture
of the "crazy world," as well as reactions to that,
often feeling we've been left in the abyss.
-A good entry; good luck!!
Comment Written 18-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2024
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Many thanks, Pam!
keep away from the edge if you can!
Steve
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You are welcome, Steve, and I am doing my best to avoid the edge. Hope you are, too!!
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I'm hoping that if I'm laidback enough it won't matter if I'm near the edge because I'll fall the other way!
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Sounds good😊
Comment from Jesse James Doty
This metaphor works quite well and in case you didn't notice, you have no punctuation where there probably should be such as trembling, we gaze into the abyss. Just a suggestion. Otherwise, this is great!
Jesse
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2024
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This metaphor works quite well and in case you didn't notice, you have no punctuation where there probably should be such as trembling, we gaze into the abyss. Just a suggestion. Otherwise, this is great!
Jesse
Comment Written 17-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2024
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Thanks, Jesse.
i tend to be a bit relaxed re punctuation in these haiku-like forms, but I'll take another look.
Steve
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Just a suggestion.
Jesse
Comment from lyenochka
This sounds rather apocalyptic and certainly fits a the mindset of some these days. I like that you used the title "Revelations" although the Bible book title is a feminine singular noun, apokalypsis - but most people make it plural because there seems to be lots of visions in that book.
Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2024
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This sounds rather apocalyptic and certainly fits a the mindset of some these days. I like that you used the title "Revelations" although the Bible book title is a feminine singular noun, apokalypsis - but most people make it plural because there seems to be lots of visions in that book.
Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 17-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2024
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Thank you!
Yes, I was certainly thinking of the biblical book, but my Greek knowledge is zero! I'm good with Latin, though!
Steve
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I believe you are and probably can pun in Latin along with St. Jerome and his apple/malum.
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Ah, the old story of how the apple came to be the forbidden fruit!
I may have overstated my Latin expertise. I think recognising double meanings in a new language only comes after lots of study. I could possibly see simpler ones in French, but I was never fluent in Latin - not many people are!
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I only had to translate Catullus for my one Latin class in college. I was told by a Classics student that her mother's suitors wrote poetry in Latin to her. That was another epoch...! 😊
