2024 Gypsy's Free Verse
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "An Unforgettable Night".
15 total reviews
Comment from Caroline M England
Really evocative poem, and very sensory. I love the contrast of the cataclysmic weather events against the mundane of the salted peanuts and the sweet wine. I also love the image of the lazy light taking its time to get there.
My one suggestion would be to try re-writing this poem in the present tense, I think it might bring another element of immediacy to the poem and make it more powerful - maybe have a play and see what you think. These are the verbs I would change....
Wake
Don't
Drink
Takes
Rumbles
Will
Is
Interested in how you think this works.
Well done Gypsy!
Best wishes
Caroline
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2024
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Really evocative poem, and very sensory. I love the contrast of the cataclysmic weather events against the mundane of the salted peanuts and the sweet wine. I also love the image of the lazy light taking its time to get there.
My one suggestion would be to try re-writing this poem in the present tense, I think it might bring another element of immediacy to the poem and make it more powerful - maybe have a play and see what you think. These are the verbs I would change....
Wake
Don't
Drink
Takes
Rumbles
Will
Is
Interested in how you think this works.
Well done Gypsy!
Best wishes
Caroline
Comment Written 24-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2024
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Hello, Caroline,
I appreciate your kind review and feedback.
I get what you are saying. With haiku I always write in the present tense but free verse you can write in any tense.
I chose past tense because she is recalling an unforgettable moment in time. (*÷*)
Gypsy hugs
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My pleasure. I look forward to reading more of your work. 😊
Comment from June Sargent
This is a beautiful free verse highlighting all the elements that made this one night unforgettable. It involves the senses - taste of peanuts and wine. Scent of Old Spice. I enjoyed the read.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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This is a beautiful free verse highlighting all the elements that made this one night unforgettable. It involves the senses - taste of peanuts and wine. Scent of Old Spice. I enjoyed the read.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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Thank you very much for your excellent review and kind words.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from GWHARGIS
This radiated with scents, smells and tastes . The euphoric feeling of being so wrapped up in someone. I liked the line about the thunder foretelling of lightning that never arrived. That was one of those sentences that made me think. Loved this. Gretchen
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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This radiated with scents, smells and tastes . The euphoric feeling of being so wrapped up in someone. I liked the line about the thunder foretelling of lightning that never arrived. That was one of those sentences that made me think. Loved this. Gretchen
Comment Written 23-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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Thank you, Gretchen, I appreciate your kind review. Have a wonderful day.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from patcelaw
This is very well written, and it has presented in a very, very lovely presentation. I wish you the very best with all of your writing. May you have a wonderful week and may God really richly bless you. Patricia.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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This is very well written, and it has presented in a very, very lovely presentation. I wish you the very best with all of your writing. May you have a wonderful week and may God really richly bless you. Patricia.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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Thank you, Patricia, I appreciate your kind review. Have a wonderful day.
Gypsy hugs
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You?re welcome
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You?re welcome
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I think you hit all five senses in this poem. I didn't count, but I feel you did.
This poem is filled with love and innocent passion. I loved reading and the presentation was wonderful.
and All Spice aftershave (Did you mean Old Spice??)
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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I think you hit all five senses in this poem. I didn't count, but I feel you did.
This poem is filled with love and innocent passion. I loved reading and the presentation was wonderful.
and All Spice aftershave (Did you mean Old Spice??)
Comment Written 23-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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Thank you for catching old spice, I don't know how I got it confused.
Thank you, Barbara, I appreciate your kind review. Have a wonderful day.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from shelley kaye
love storms! i actually find them relaxing...
this was a great free verse about an unforgettable storm of passion...
excellent imagery and smooth flow of well-chosen words...
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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love storms! i actually find them relaxing...
this was a great free verse about an unforgettable storm of passion...
excellent imagery and smooth flow of well-chosen words...
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
Comment Written 23-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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Thank you, Shelley, I appreciate your kind review. Have a wonderful day.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from dovemarie
Dear Gypsy, wonderful romantic free verse, spending the night with a man, sharing fruits and snacks together. Good contrast between dark and light, thunder and lightning. Great pictures too! Could you tell me how I could get pictures from pinterest put on my poems? Currently I sometimes use Fan Art and only Pixabay. Dove
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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Dear Gypsy, wonderful romantic free verse, spending the night with a man, sharing fruits and snacks together. Good contrast between dark and light, thunder and lightning. Great pictures too! Could you tell me how I could get pictures from pinterest put on my poems? Currently I sometimes use Fan Art and only Pixabay. Dove
Comment Written 23-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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for pictures from Pinterest, go to their site at ( pinterest.com ) and on the top click on the SEARCH box, write the name of any picture you want. (*=*) they have a great selection of free pictures, no worries of copy rights. I don't like any words on my pictures, it distracts the reader from the visual effect. That is why I don't use FanArt, besides, their selection is limited, in Pinterest you will find many pictures. You can open an account if you like to save all the pictures you like, or just visit without an account.
Thank you, Dove, I appreciate your kind review. Have a wonderful day.
Gypsy hugs
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Thanks Gypsy for telling me how to use pinterest. I will try it! Dove
Comment from LateBloomer
Hi Gypsy, your poem is filled with vivid imagery from the scent of Old Spice to the splitting thunder. Of course, midnight snacks are always fun too. Great presentation and photo. Well done. Xo. M
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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Hi Gypsy, your poem is filled with vivid imagery from the scent of Old Spice to the splitting thunder. Of course, midnight snacks are always fun too. Great presentation and photo. Well done. Xo. M
Comment Written 23-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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Thank you, Margaret, I appreciate your kind review. Have a wonderful day.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
When you mentioned, Trutti Fruitti, it reminds me of the song from years ago. Look up Little Richard's song, Tutti Frutti. It was a popular song back in our day. Your poem does create a liking for snacks and a streak of lightning. But lightning can cause lots of damage to a person.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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When you mentioned, Trutti Fruitti, it reminds me of the song from years ago. Look up Little Richard's song, Tutti Frutti. It was a popular song back in our day. Your poem does create a liking for snacks and a streak of lightning. But lightning can cause lots of damage to a person.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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Thank you, Rosemary, I appreciate your kind review. Have a wonderful day.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Douglas Goff
Another exquisite love piece. There are some moments in time that we really do wish would last forever. Some that come to
mind for me were the births of my children when I held them for the first time. When I swam face to face with a sea turtle off Hawaii. When my father-in-law looked at me with pride one particular time.
Anyways, I shot off track. Great piece. I did wonder if you meant 'Old Spice' cologne and not 'all spice'.
Good stuff!
Douglas
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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Another exquisite love piece. There are some moments in time that we really do wish would last forever. Some that come to
mind for me were the births of my children when I held them for the first time. When I swam face to face with a sea turtle off Hawaii. When my father-in-law looked at me with pride one particular time.
Anyways, I shot off track. Great piece. I did wonder if you meant 'Old Spice' cologne and not 'all spice'.
Good stuff!
Douglas
Comment Written 23-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024
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It's a romance poem but if it was in general, the birth of my children would be at the top; visiting my family in Spain with my ex-husband would probably be second, I thought he was the one, boy was I wrong. I was deeply in love so every day with him was a special day to remember. However, this poem is not about him. I am a passionate and romantic woman in love with being in love.
Thank you, Douglas, I appreciate your kind review. Have a wonderful day.
Gypsy hugs
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Those are awesome memories!