Lair Of The Seductress
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Knockin"Book Four Wolf Bend Series
15 total reviews
Comment from Soledadpaz
A great start. You create the sense of a spooky and isolated lot, and then some eye candy stops by to mollify a grouchy guy. Some lethal eye candy, it appears.
A few thoughts:
Suggest: . . . even with the heavy (fog rolling in,)
Perhaps: . . . Bill had called in sick and he (had had) to take . . .
For clarity: . . . he had to cover Bill's overnight route.
Whoever was out there was too short (for him) to see.
Perhaps: a twenty-something red-headed honey . . .
Perhaps: She gazed up at him, instead of stared.
. . . slightly (opened) legs . . .
Completus sum sounds like Latin. She exists because she completed something?
Perhaps gives us his description from her point of view:
"Who the hell's knockin' on my door at this hour?" The truck driver looked about the lot and, even with the heavy fog rolling in, (he) could see there were no other vehicles in the desolate truck turn-out.
Then when she appears:
"Nice truck." She gazed up at him. (He appeared to be) in his mid-fifties, had a pot-belly, and wore a scraggly gray and black beard and mustache.
Then follow this with the description of the truck:
The semi was older, but he took good care of his dark-blue beauty. She may have minor road wear and tear, but her motor was clean and well-maintained.
Sol
Sol
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2024
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A great start. You create the sense of a spooky and isolated lot, and then some eye candy stops by to mollify a grouchy guy. Some lethal eye candy, it appears.
A few thoughts:
Suggest: . . . even with the heavy (fog rolling in,)
Perhaps: . . . Bill had called in sick and he (had had) to take . . .
For clarity: . . . he had to cover Bill's overnight route.
Whoever was out there was too short (for him) to see.
Perhaps: a twenty-something red-headed honey . . .
Perhaps: She gazed up at him, instead of stared.
. . . slightly (opened) legs . . .
Completus sum sounds like Latin. She exists because she completed something?
Perhaps gives us his description from her point of view:
"Who the hell's knockin' on my door at this hour?" The truck driver looked about the lot and, even with the heavy fog rolling in, (he) could see there were no other vehicles in the desolate truck turn-out.
Then when she appears:
"Nice truck." She gazed up at him. (He appeared to be) in his mid-fifties, had a pot-belly, and wore a scraggly gray and black beard and mustache.
Then follow this with the description of the truck:
The semi was older, but he took good care of his dark-blue beauty. She may have minor road wear and tear, but her motor was clean and well-maintained.
Sol
Sol
Comment Written 26-May-2024
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2024
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Thank you, Sol! I used a lot of these suggestions in my Word draft. You never fail to impress my friend!
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
OMG Never invite someone named Lilith to come into your house, your truck or whatever!! Crazy men! Consider me all in on this new book! I better check out the others. Good luck.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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OMG Never invite someone named Lilith to come into your house, your truck or whatever!! Crazy men! Consider me all in on this new book! I better check out the others. Good luck.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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My series has been called a Goose Bumps for adults. (Only by two people, but that still counts!)
This is Book 4 in the Wolf Bend Series. There will be one more book.
D
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Holy moly! I was going to read your story when I realized it wasn't your first one and had to go back.
This stuff is good. Not my normal reading choice, but good just the same. Karen
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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Holy moly! I was going to read your story when I realized it wasn't your first one and had to go back.
This stuff is good. Not my normal reading choice, but good just the same. Karen
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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Thanks, Karen. It is the fourth book in the Wolf Bend series. They are fun.
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I will eventually have to read it all you know. I am that way. But since it is no points it will take me a while. :-) Karen
Comment from jmdg1954
Phew. Glad I'm not a trucker. Not that I would partake in those extra curricular activities! No way!
He got what he deserved, I guess...
I have not read the previous books so hopefully I can keep up.
Cheers,
John
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2024
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Phew. Glad I'm not a trucker. Not that I would partake in those extra curricular activities! No way!
He got what he deserved, I guess...
I have not read the previous books so hopefully I can keep up.
Cheers,
John
Comment Written 14-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2024
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Hope so! The notes in Chapter two explain some things. Appreciate you taking the time to review!
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Intriguing thriller with a great betrayal, sex, and crime plot... somethingfor everybody lol.... wonderful dialog and character development. The story is very intense and engaging. You have a very creative mind.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2024
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Intriguing thriller with a great betrayal, sex, and crime plot... somethingfor everybody lol.... wonderful dialog and character development. The story is very intense and engaging. You have a very creative mind.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2024
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Appreciate your awesome comments, my friend. Your opinion is important to me as I so greatly respect your talent.
Douglas
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is definite horror in the night. It looks like Lilith is a cheating husband vigilante out to inflict punishment on men looking for a quick extra marital sexual encounter. She even makes them pay cash first. Question. What was the bright red light that erupted inside the cab?
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2024
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This is definite horror in the night. It looks like Lilith is a cheating husband vigilante out to inflict punishment on men looking for a quick extra marital sexual encounter. She even makes them pay cash first. Question. What was the bright red light that erupted inside the cab?
Comment Written 13-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2024
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Hi! So this Wolf Bend Series is like a Goose Bumps for adults. The adversaries in the first three books were all paranormal. Lilith did appear in book three as a secondary character, but in this book she is the nemesis. Hopefully you jump in again.
D
Comment from Navada
Wow! This is what you get when you decide to stray from the path and cheat on your wife. Serves you right, Bernie - you should have known better! The uttering of the spell and the bright red light at the end are intriguing and lead the reader to want to find out more.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2024
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Wow! This is what you get when you decide to stray from the path and cheat on your wife. Serves you right, Bernie - you should have known better! The uttering of the spell and the bright red light at the end are intriguing and lead the reader to want to find out more.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2024
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Yeppers. Hope you follow along. This one is going to be a bumpy ride!
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, I must say you sure had this old boy's attention, but now you have me afraid to pull into a truck stop. LOL. Great chapter, and I just wish I had a six to reward it properly. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2024
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Well, I must say you sure had this old boy's attention, but now you have me afraid to pull into a truck stop. LOL. Great chapter, and I just wish I had a six to reward it properly. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2024
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Thanks, Rick. Appreciate you!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Lilith is pure evil. Greg is going to have his hands full with her. I can't wait to read more. I WAS considering entering this contest with my new novel, but after reading this one, I am pretty sure I don't have a chance. I won't be finished with Seth and Emma for a while maybe I'll just wait. LOL Good luck with the contest.
just because the man's wife went into labor he had to cover the overnight route (OH MY!!! He should be a fun character to read about. Comma needed after 'labor,'.)
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2024
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Lilith is pure evil. Greg is going to have his hands full with her. I can't wait to read more. I WAS considering entering this contest with my new novel, but after reading this one, I am pretty sure I don't have a chance. I won't be finished with Seth and Emma for a while maybe I'll just wait. LOL Good luck with the contest.
just because the man's wife went into labor he had to cover the overnight route (OH MY!!! He should be a fun character to read about. Comma needed after 'labor,'.)
Comment Written 13-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2024
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Thanks, Barbara! I'm afraid poor Bernie may be done. Ha!
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Oh no. Did Bernie move on? You know to a world beyond? I feel as if I was left hanging. Now you need to elaborate? Are we to feel Meredith's rage? idk where this is heading and the only thought I had was the photo leading in, though right could have been of a honey in a black leather mini-skirt wearing stockings.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2024
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Oh no. Did Bernie move on? You know to a world beyond? I feel as if I was left hanging. Now you need to elaborate? Are we to feel Meredith's rage? idk where this is heading and the only thought I had was the photo leading in, though right could have been of a honey in a black leather mini-skirt wearing stockings.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2024
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HA! A honey in a leather mini-skirt. This book is more up your alley. We are back to Greg and Jenny. Hope you tag along, my friend!
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Until I read this piece I had forgotten what you wrote, but Greg and Jenny's names had me recall and I must say I am glad ... you are alive and somewhat well.
:-)