Ribbons in the Wind
Free verse poem about betrayal13 total reviews
Comment from BenThrone
Congratulations on receiving an Honorable Mention in the "Betrayal Poetry" site contest. That is certainly a very tough accolade to accomplish. This poem certainly conveys the pain of breakups well. I particularly like the last line ("and even the creek is tired of trying to sing"). If you have the time, I would be curious to know what you think of the poem I submitted, "The Bicycle".
One small editorial suggestion/query: is the misspelling of "apples" in the second line intentional (ie a slang term or regionalism) or a typo? If the former you might want to incorporate an explanatory note.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024
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Congratulations on receiving an Honorable Mention in the "Betrayal Poetry" site contest. That is certainly a very tough accolade to accomplish. This poem certainly conveys the pain of breakups well. I particularly like the last line ("and even the creek is tired of trying to sing"). If you have the time, I would be curious to know what you think of the poem I submitted, "The Bicycle".
One small editorial suggestion/query: is the misspelling of "apples" in the second line intentional (ie a slang term or regionalism) or a typo? If the former you might want to incorporate an explanatory note.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024
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Oh, my goodness. I did not notice that. It probably had an 'i' inserted when I cut and pasted from Microsoft Word, or something. It's fixed now! Proof positive we all need proofreaders, ha ha. I will look at your poem soon.
Comment from June Sargent
I really like the imagery of love as nourishing raindrops falling upon apples. Without it, the tree simply withered. A poignant free verse that should do well in the contest
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2024
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I really like the imagery of love as nourishing raindrops falling upon apples. Without it, the tree simply withered. A poignant free verse that should do well in the contest
Comment Written 04-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2024
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Thank you for your super review!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Fine metaphors to describe betrayal here Crystie and I enjoyed your free-write describing the torture of betrayal and how it can destroy us on the inside, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2024
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Fine metaphors to describe betrayal here Crystie and I enjoyed your free-write describing the torture of betrayal and how it can destroy us on the inside, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 03-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2024
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Thank you so much for your kind review.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is a lovely free verse filled with delightful images of innocence and love, infusing nature with wonder and beauty. Sadly, betrayal seems to have undone all that was once so perfectly harmonious. I particularly love the third stanza and that final stamp of sorrow in the last line. Well done and a strong contender. So good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2024
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This is a lovely free verse filled with delightful images of innocence and love, infusing nature with wonder and beauty. Sadly, betrayal seems to have undone all that was once so perfectly harmonious. I particularly love the third stanza and that final stamp of sorrow in the last line. Well done and a strong contender. So good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 02-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2024
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Thank you for your super review! It definitely covers the whole range of emotions in the poem.
Comment from w.j.debi
Excellent descriptions and strong verbs take the reader on a journey from the beauty of love to the heartache felt after a break-up. It is the same world, but viewed from a different lens it loses its luster and the joy dissipates.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2024
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Excellent descriptions and strong verbs take the reader on a journey from the beauty of love to the heartache felt after a break-up. It is the same world, but viewed from a different lens it loses its luster and the joy dissipates.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2024
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Thank you for such a perceptive review.
Comment from lyenochka
Your free verse poem is always so moving. Loved your metaphor of those bright life-giving memories made gray by the betrayal of breakup. Hope this does well in the contest!
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2024
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Your free verse poem is always so moving. Loved your metaphor of those bright life-giving memories made gray by the betrayal of breakup. Hope this does well in the contest!
Comment Written 02-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2024
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Thank you for your very nice review. Thank you for spending time to personalize it, too.
Comment from Lea Tonin1
Agreed in here here breakups are always tougher when they betray you cheat on you by whatever the case may be very well written call him I must say and very good entry for the betrayal poetry contest I see no issues with grammar or aesthetic subject matter or sentence structure. I find submission for the contest I wish you best to lock it hope your day is amazing!
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2024
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Agreed in here here breakups are always tougher when they betray you cheat on you by whatever the case may be very well written call him I must say and very good entry for the betrayal poetry contest I see no issues with grammar or aesthetic subject matter or sentence structure. I find submission for the contest I wish you best to lock it hope your day is amazing!
Comment Written 02-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2024
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Thank you so much for an enthusiastic review!
Comment from patcelaw
This is a very well written poem about betrayal it is very true that betrayal can leave a person almost like they're a dry arid desert in their soul. I wish for you the very best in the contest. I also wish you a very happy and prosperous new year.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2024
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This is a very well written poem about betrayal it is very true that betrayal can leave a person almost like they're a dry arid desert in their soul. I wish for you the very best in the contest. I also wish you a very happy and prosperous new year.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2024
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Thank you so much for your friendly review.
Comment from karenina
This is the most eloquent patchwork of alliterative vignettes, spelling
out heartache that I've read in a long time.
Your alliteration is phenomenal and the gloom of lost promises rivals Sylvia Plath.
I'd encourage you to shop this around for publication.
You've started the new year with a nearly perfect poem!
Karenina
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2024
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This is the most eloquent patchwork of alliterative vignettes, spelling
out heartache that I've read in a long time.
Your alliteration is phenomenal and the gloom of lost promises rivals Sylvia Plath.
I'd encourage you to shop this around for publication.
You've started the new year with a nearly perfect poem!
Karenina
Comment Written 02-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2024
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You made my day! Thank you for an enthusiastic review. It is very much appreciated.
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I bet there's a publisher out there looking for this!
Comment from Bill Schott
This poem, Ribbons in the Wind, speaks so well about how all the simple fun, amplified by being with someone you love, can become just a simple place with no character at all.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2024
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This poem, Ribbons in the Wind, speaks so well about how all the simple fun, amplified by being with someone you love, can become just a simple place with no character at all.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2024
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Thank you for a great review that really sums it all up well.
