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Comment from Barry Penfold
A lovely poem Paul. Very well executed and rhymed nicely. I am just catching up on a few what may be called "errands". Also, thanks very much for your support during my time on the site.
Take care and enjoy the day.
Regards
Barry Penfold
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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A lovely poem Paul. Very well executed and rhymed nicely. I am just catching up on a few what may be called "errands". Also, thanks very much for your support during my time on the site.
Take care and enjoy the day.
Regards
Barry Penfold
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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Thanks for the review, Barry. This is one of the few poems that I have written lately. My muse is hiding.
Comment from Mary Vigasin
This is a stunning sonnet of always looking and moving down the road for something but not quite sure what. Then when tired of the road, and of not finding love he retraces his steps back home to find his love. So beautifully written.
Good luck in the contest.
Mary
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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This is a stunning sonnet of always looking and moving down the road for something but not quite sure what. Then when tired of the road, and of not finding love he retraces his steps back home to find his love. So beautifully written.
Good luck in the contest.
Mary
Comment Written 21-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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Thanks, Mary. No luck in the contest. Always good to hear from you. Have a merry Christmas,
Comment from Sugarray77
An excellent sonnet, Paul. I love the cadence and flow of the rhythm and the acute wanderlust that you wove in and out of your piece taking you directly home to your heart's desire. A lovely poem!
Melissa
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2023
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An excellent sonnet, Paul. I love the cadence and flow of the rhythm and the acute wanderlust that you wove in and out of your piece taking you directly home to your heart's desire. A lovely poem!
Melissa
Comment Written 21-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2023
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Thanks, Melissa. Home is usually best.
Comment from Verna Cole Mitchell
I enjoyed this very well done sonnet of your search for just the right place for yourself. I like how you wandered from place to place till you connected the dots to recognize your true love was "home."
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2023
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I enjoyed this very well done sonnet of your search for just the right place for yourself. I like how you wandered from place to place till you connected the dots to recognize your true love was "home."
Comment Written 21-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2023
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Thanks, Verna. Luckily. I never went on that search. I found my true love first.
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Good for you-me, too!
Comment from Daylily
This is a lovely poem about wandering afar only to wind up alone -- but then after returning home, found true love. This might well be the story of several people with wanderlust in their hearts, but then could only find what is really important when they reconnected with their roots of yesteryear.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2023
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This is a lovely poem about wandering afar only to wind up alone -- but then after returning home, found true love. This might well be the story of several people with wanderlust in their hearts, but then could only find what is really important when they reconnected with their roots of yesteryear.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2023
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Thanks for the review. I'm sure that this has happened to many people.
Comment from Ginda Simpson
I believe it is human nature that makes us want to pursue a dream, explore the unknown, but we are blessed when we realize that the treasure we seek is waiting for us at home. I really enjoyed this poem. Rhyming and flow made it a pleasure to read.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2023
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I believe it is human nature that makes us want to pursue a dream, explore the unknown, but we are blessed when we realize that the treasure we seek is waiting for us at home. I really enjoyed this poem. Rhyming and flow made it a pleasure to read.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2023
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Thanks, Ginda. I'm sure that this has happened many times.
Comment from Lisasview
Hi Paul,
I believe the contest is over and I do not know who has won yet.
Although you have put this in as a Sonnet ... it really isn't quite a Sonnet...
Yes, you have 10 syllable's per line... but what is needed is that there needs to be 3 verses, 4 lines each and a couplet at the end... As I look at it I believe you have the correct amount of lines but there is not space between the verses, not the ending couplet.
Not that I am a genius when it comes to writing Sonnets ( I have written several) I believe that one doesn't need to start each line with a capital letter..
Of course these are just my thoughts so ignore me if you want as I certainly never want to hurt any ones feeling...
So, I would say that this is truly a lovely romatic poem....
Lisasview
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2023
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Hi Paul,
I believe the contest is over and I do not know who has won yet.
Although you have put this in as a Sonnet ... it really isn't quite a Sonnet...
Yes, you have 10 syllable's per line... but what is needed is that there needs to be 3 verses, 4 lines each and a couplet at the end... As I look at it I believe you have the correct amount of lines but there is not space between the verses, not the ending couplet.
Not that I am a genius when it comes to writing Sonnets ( I have written several) I believe that one doesn't need to start each line with a capital letter..
Of course these are just my thoughts so ignore me if you want as I certainly never want to hurt any ones feeling...
So, I would say that this is truly a lovely romatic poem....
Lisasview
Comment Written 20-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2023
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Thanks, Lisa. I had this in the proper form, but when I posted it, it came out as you see it.
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Oh I just hate that..don't you... I have had that happen so many time on Fan Story but I just keep reediting until I see it comes out correctly...
What I suppose is important is that you know the form...
Lisa
Comment from Aiona
What a lovely sonnet. It's almost like the story of the musical "Pippin." He goes searching for glory and whatnot, and winds up going back home and marrying his sweetheart. This sonnet fits the abab cdcd efef gg rhyme scheme, and even has a volta in the 3rd stanza. The only line that doesn't have iambic pentameter is the 3rd line of the second stanza.
"That ideal life I've searched for, I can't find"
Perhaps it could be reworded?
Maybe something like
"Ideals that I've searched for, I can't find"
But I'm sure you can think of something better than I can.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2023
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What a lovely sonnet. It's almost like the story of the musical "Pippin." He goes searching for glory and whatnot, and winds up going back home and marrying his sweetheart. This sonnet fits the abab cdcd efef gg rhyme scheme, and even has a volta in the 3rd stanza. The only line that doesn't have iambic pentameter is the 3rd line of the second stanza.
"That ideal life I've searched for, I can't find"
Perhaps it could be reworded?
Maybe something like
"Ideals that I've searched for, I can't find"
But I'm sure you can think of something better than I can.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2023
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Thanks for the review, Aiona. "That", at the beginning of a line is usually a hard beat. That's probably what you are referring to. If you give it a soft beat to begin with, it works out okay.
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
a lovely poem about finding and searching for the right person. I usually like to write about romance but for some reason, it is difficult these days. Valentine's Day is not far away.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2023
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a lovely poem about finding and searching for the right person. I usually like to write about romance but for some reason, it is difficult these days. Valentine's Day is not far away.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2023
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Thanks for the review, Rosemary. I hope that romance has not given you an unpleasant experience.
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My novels were romantic, but I left the bed scenes out of the chapters. Didn't want to embarrass my children.
Comment from Gloria ....
This has a lovely wistful tone that weaves throughout to the find couplet with the announcement that true love is waiting there.
Fine iambic pentameter throughout and a most enjoyable read, and I most particularly enjoyed the thoughts connecting the dots.
Wishing you all the best with the voters. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2023
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This has a lovely wistful tone that weaves throughout to the find couplet with the announcement that true love is waiting there.
Fine iambic pentameter throughout and a most enjoyable read, and I most particularly enjoyed the thoughts connecting the dots.
Wishing you all the best with the voters. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 19-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2023
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Thanks, Gloria. Hope you have connected the dots.