If I Was God
Sprucing up the planet33 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
Oh wow, I missed this one! Congratulations on the well-deserved win!
I do have one, small suggestion this time (because I am sure you will publish this jewel!!!) --
"The Devil would be alone in Hell," could be something like "Satan would live alone in hell..." for flawless meter, yes? It's the only line with 9 syllables -- the rest are 8, with proper syllable emphasis, IMO.
If you were God, could you grant me a money wish P-L-E-E-Z-E. (lol) Those lotteries in the U.S. A.-- WOW!
I don't have any sixes left this week, but this is certainly worthy of that rating.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
  |
Oh wow, I missed this one! Congratulations on the well-deserved win!
I do have one, small suggestion this time (because I am sure you will publish this jewel!!!) --
"The Devil would be alone in Hell," could be something like "Satan would live alone in hell..." for flawless meter, yes? It's the only line with 9 syllables -- the rest are 8, with proper syllable emphasis, IMO.
If you were God, could you grant me a money wish P-L-E-E-Z-E. (lol) Those lotteries in the U.S. A.-- WOW!
I don't have any sixes left this week, but this is certainly worthy of that rating.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
-
Thanks, Dawn. To keep the accent right, I'm going to change "The Devil" to "Old Scratch". That line was bothering me. I'm glad you gave me a jab.
Comment from Aiona
I'm so glad I still had 6 stars to give you! I love poems that rhyme, and make me smile. This poem has both of those qualities. I love the chosen rhyme scheme of aaab. I love the choice of the line for repetition. Just a very sweet poem.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2023
 |
I'm so glad I still had 6 stars to give you! I love poems that rhyme, and make me smile. This poem has both of those qualities. I love the chosen rhyme scheme of aaab. I love the choice of the line for repetition. Just a very sweet poem.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2023
-
Thanks for the kind words. Aiona.
Comment from zanya
A really enjoyable read surmising as to how things might be 'if I was God'- reminding us perhaps, of the many situations we need to fix in our present world - well done.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2023
|
A really enjoyable read surmising as to how things might be 'if I was God'- reminding us perhaps, of the many situations we need to fix in our present world - well done.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2023
-
Thanks for the review, zanya. You are right. The list is long.
Comment from LJbutterfly
You used repetition exceptionally well. It gave your poem depth and character while connecting each verse and strengthening your message. Your choices of things to change is admirable and would certainly make the world and life much better. I wish the things could happen, but since they can't, I'm sending you my best wishes for the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2023
|
You used repetition exceptionally well. It gave your poem depth and character while connecting each verse and strengthening your message. Your choices of things to change is admirable and would certainly make the world and life much better. I wish the things could happen, but since they can't, I'm sending you my best wishes for the contest.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2023
-
Thanks, Lorraine. Maybe there are a few smaller things that we can work on.
Comment from Janet Foor
I love your repeating poem. You would have your work to do but I love your plan.
I agree, the job isn't open but it's fun to dream. Dream on.
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2023
|
I love your repeating poem. You would have your work to do but I love your plan.
I agree, the job isn't open but it's fun to dream. Dream on.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 09-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2023
-
Thanks, Janet. I'm dreaming. Real life around the world is a nightmare.
Comment from jake cosmos aller
this was good -I like the refrain line if I were God = ties the poem together and moves it along. I like the references to all different problems facing the world and what God would do to solve them,
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
|
this was good -I like the refrain line if I were God = ties the poem together and moves it along. I like the references to all different problems facing the world and what God would do to solve them,
Comment Written 08-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
-
Thanks, Jake. I'm sure that I probably left out some problems.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
I love it. You did a superb job (in my very humble estimation).
I like the rhyming, very natural sounding. It feels good.
The sentiment is great. I especially like 'prosperity for one and all'. That would absolutely mortify those who aren't happy unless they have more than everyone else. (smiley face here)
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
|
I love it. You did a superb job (in my very humble estimation).
I like the rhyming, very natural sounding. It feels good.
The sentiment is great. I especially like 'prosperity for one and all'. That would absolutely mortify those who aren't happy unless they have more than everyone else. (smiley face here)
Comment Written 08-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
-
Thanks, Wayne. Good point about the prosperity line.
Comment from jenintorre
I wish you were god. Maybe you could make a better job than the present team and a better world than the present one. Your repetition is excellent in this poem.
Good luck in the competition. Jen.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
|
I wish you were god. Maybe you could make a better job than the present team and a better world than the present one. Your repetition is excellent in this poem.
Good luck in the competition. Jen.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
-
Thanks, Jen. I think I'm a little too old for the job, but I could maybe be an assistant.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Love the sentiments here, the metre and rhymes, the humour and most of all I love your repetition for this contest, I reckon this is a winner, I wish I had a six for you, I just loved it, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
|
Love the sentiments here, the metre and rhymes, the humour and most of all I love your repetition for this contest, I reckon this is a winner, I wish I had a six for you, I just loved it, love Dolly x
Comment Written 08-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
-
Thanks, Christine. Haven't had a winner for awhile.
-
You deserve to win with this post, very talented x x x
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice artwork and presentation.
-A well written poem with a good topic.
-Effective imagery and rhyme.
-The poem flows well from verse to verse,
and the repeating line is good.
-You paint a good word picture of
what the world would be like,
and it sounds like what it should be.
-I'd like to be a part of this world,
but as you indicate at the end
you'd have your work cut out.
-A very good entry; good luck in the contest.
-I look forward to seeing who you are.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
|
-Very nice artwork and presentation.
-A well written poem with a good topic.
-Effective imagery and rhyme.
-The poem flows well from verse to verse,
and the repeating line is good.
-You paint a good word picture of
what the world would be like,
and it sounds like what it should be.
-I'd like to be a part of this world,
but as you indicate at the end
you'd have your work cut out.
-A very good entry; good luck in the contest.
-I look forward to seeing who you are.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2023
-
Thanks, Pam. I'm probably too old for the job, anyway.
-
You're welcome!