Batteries Concluded
Haven't posted in a long time. Just saying hi...6 total reviews
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Welcome back, David. It's been a while. I have saved a six for you. I doubt you will find very many of your fans still active. People come and go. You are a very talented poet and it is always a pleasure to read your poetry. Perfectly done! Nancy:)
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2023
  |
Welcome back, David. It's been a while. I have saved a six for you. I doubt you will find very many of your fans still active. People come and go. You are a very talented poet and it is always a pleasure to read your poetry. Perfectly done! Nancy:)
Comment Written 06-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2023
-
Hi Nancy. Thank you so much for the six and the kind words.
Comment from Gloria ....
Hey David, great to "see" you again and with a perfectly written poem in iambic heptameter with your signature internal rhymes that work so very well.
It has been a long, long time, but if this is an example, your poetry has only aged like fine wine.
Looking forward to reading more. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2023
 |
Hey David, great to "see" you again and with a perfectly written poem in iambic heptameter with your signature internal rhymes that work so very well.
It has been a long, long time, but if this is an example, your poetry has only aged like fine wine.
Looking forward to reading more. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 06-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2023
-
Hi Gloria! Thanks so much! Yes, still writing, although not as much.
Comment from rama devi
David! What a delightful surprise. I am no longer very active here but I do visit occasionally. Glad my visit coincided with yours, and welcome back!
While the theme and subject are depressing, the delivery is masterful and great to read aloud, especially with those creative internal rhymes (draining and waning - good pairing with the assonance of Maimed sounding like another rhyme!)
So well voiced:
I once believed in lovers, in the brightness of their charms,
The warmth beneath the covers, and the safety of their arms--
The internal rhyme of prism and cynicism plus the words devastating and dissipating sharing alliteraiton, assonance and consonance...makes these two lines simply superb to read aloud:
But now, inside the prism of a devastating truth,
I cling to cynicism and my dissipating youth.
Utterly outstanding lines, both phonically and with meaning and imagery:
The price of love is greater than the currency I hold,
Which scraped a gaping crater where my heart had harbored gold.
Unique, imaginative and well voiced:
I only taste the bitter, as I feast on dreams of loss,
Discarding hope like litter in a matte expanse of dross.
Your rhymes continue to prove outstanding and inventive here as well:
I shut my eyes, succumbing to the sense of overload,
A merciful benumbing of my heart, where love was stowed.
Great AHA effect with the final one percent:
There's nothing left but leaving, once the batteries are spent,
No gnashing teeth or grieving, just a final one percent...
Pitch perfect closing note, giving the reader a sense of release from the intensity too:
...And then, with dark prevailing, I at last can claim my peace--
No feeling, fault, or failing--just the freedom of release.
You've kept your 'chops', my friend. Hope you'll post more often!
Warmest welcome back.
Best,
rd
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2023
|
David! What a delightful surprise. I am no longer very active here but I do visit occasionally. Glad my visit coincided with yours, and welcome back!
While the theme and subject are depressing, the delivery is masterful and great to read aloud, especially with those creative internal rhymes (draining and waning - good pairing with the assonance of Maimed sounding like another rhyme!)
So well voiced:
I once believed in lovers, in the brightness of their charms,
The warmth beneath the covers, and the safety of their arms--
The internal rhyme of prism and cynicism plus the words devastating and dissipating sharing alliteraiton, assonance and consonance...makes these two lines simply superb to read aloud:
But now, inside the prism of a devastating truth,
I cling to cynicism and my dissipating youth.
Utterly outstanding lines, both phonically and with meaning and imagery:
The price of love is greater than the currency I hold,
Which scraped a gaping crater where my heart had harbored gold.
Unique, imaginative and well voiced:
I only taste the bitter, as I feast on dreams of loss,
Discarding hope like litter in a matte expanse of dross.
Your rhymes continue to prove outstanding and inventive here as well:
I shut my eyes, succumbing to the sense of overload,
A merciful benumbing of my heart, where love was stowed.
Great AHA effect with the final one percent:
There's nothing left but leaving, once the batteries are spent,
No gnashing teeth or grieving, just a final one percent...
Pitch perfect closing note, giving the reader a sense of release from the intensity too:
...And then, with dark prevailing, I at last can claim my peace--
No feeling, fault, or failing--just the freedom of release.
You've kept your 'chops', my friend. Hope you'll post more often!
Warmest welcome back.
Best,
rd
Comment Written 05-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2023
-
it was worth posting just to get your amazing analysis, my friend. Thank you so much.
-
What a huge compliment. Thanks! :-)))
Comment from tfawcus
So good to see your writing again, David. Fluid as ever and a joy to read, even through the darkness. As good a poem about the twilight years as I have ever read. Wishing you all the best for Christmas. Tony
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2023
|
So good to see your writing again, David. Fluid as ever and a joy to read, even through the darkness. As good a poem about the twilight years as I have ever read. Wishing you all the best for Christmas. Tony
Comment Written 05-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2023
-
Thank you so much, Tony. I appreciate it. Happy Holidays.
Comment from Wendyanne
Wow I was only thinking about you yesterday as I have returned after a lengthy stay away!! How weird!! I see your writing is just as wonderful as it used to be!! So glad you're back if only temporarily!!
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2023
|
Wow I was only thinking about you yesterday as I have returned after a lengthy stay away!! How weird!! I see your writing is just as wonderful as it used to be!! So glad you're back if only temporarily!!
Comment Written 05-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2023
-
Thank you so much, Wendy. So good to hear from you.
Comment from jim vecchio
Thank you for dropping by with this very interesting package. I unwrapped it and can certainly identify with the dissipating youth but not the cynicism. My heart is numb where love was stored, but that's because my wife passed away. I still find love through the characters in my stories, though, I admit, that's a poor substitute.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2023
|
Thank you for dropping by with this very interesting package. I unwrapped it and can certainly identify with the dissipating youth but not the cynicism. My heart is numb where love was stored, but that's because my wife passed away. I still find love through the characters in my stories, though, I admit, that's a poor substitute.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2023
-
Thank you so much, Jim. I'm so sorry for your loss.
-
Thank you for your kind words!
