A Dragon To Vanquish
To save an endangered village, a great foe must be defeated.11 total reviews
Comment from Navada
Congratulations on your win - I see now how that happened! This is so imaginative and gripping. I loved the interaction of the team of warriors and the different skills they brought to the fight. I also enjoyed the dragon's ability to talk! Great work! :)
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2023
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Congratulations on your win - I see now how that happened! This is so imaginative and gripping. I loved the interaction of the team of warriors and the different skills they brought to the fight. I also enjoyed the dragon's ability to talk! Great work! :)
Comment Written 31-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2023
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Thank you!! I appreciate you as always!!
I was shocked when I woke up this morning and saw that I won!! Such a great gift!!
I?m glad you enjoyed my story :)
Happy new year!!
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Congratulations on your win, fantasy writer! It was a really good tale. You had a powerful dragon enemy and powerful heroes. I like the freezing element to the defeat and the fact that you ended with work still left to be done.
Great action with an element of the old and innovative in your approach.
Take care,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2023
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Congratulations on your win, fantasy writer! It was a really good tale. You had a powerful dragon enemy and powerful heroes. I like the freezing element to the defeat and the fact that you ended with work still left to be done.
Great action with an element of the old and innovative in your approach.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment Written 31-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2023
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I have read thoroughly through a lot of the old so I?m glad that comes through!!
I appreciate your complimentary review. I?m not good at self esteem so I truly love you folks :)
Happy new year!!
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That doesn't come through in your writing. You seem very confident, as well you should be!!
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It?s easy to hide behind a story!! Thank you!! I?ve been pushing myself lately!!
I appreciate you :)
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Good for you. We're all behind you!
Comment from Julie Helms
What a fantastic story and well deserving of the award. Congratulations! It was so descriptive I could feel the heat from the Dragon!
I did want to offer a few incredibly minor suggestions
1. ...felt her ankle twist slightly. Tasha could feel the ...
You have two forms of 'feel' here back to back. I would change one. Actually I try to avoid the word at all. (Her ankle twisted and the air heated up, is just more direct.)
2....a old stone woodshed... should be 'an old'
Beautifully done and I look forward to checking out more of your work! Julie.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2023
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What a fantastic story and well deserving of the award. Congratulations! It was so descriptive I could feel the heat from the Dragon!
I did want to offer a few incredibly minor suggestions
1. ...felt her ankle twist slightly. Tasha could feel the ...
You have two forms of 'feel' here back to back. I would change one. Actually I try to avoid the word at all. (Her ankle twisted and the air heated up, is just more direct.)
2....a old stone woodshed... should be 'an old'
Beautifully done and I look forward to checking out more of your work! Julie.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much!! I love constructive critiques!! I?ll check out your suggestions after the new year!!
Happy new year!!
Comment from Sarah Sandison
I chose to read this as it is so far away from my type of reading and I wanted to challenge myself with reviewing something of a genre I don't particularly like. I thoroughly enjoyed this! Your writing is full of detail, yet easy to understand and create a picture in your mind, particularly of the dragon. I was not expecting the dragon to speak so that was a good surprise when it did. Well done. A great story :)
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2023
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I chose to read this as it is so far away from my type of reading and I wanted to challenge myself with reviewing something of a genre I don't particularly like. I thoroughly enjoyed this! Your writing is full of detail, yet easy to understand and create a picture in your mind, particularly of the dragon. I was not expecting the dragon to speak so that was a good surprise when it did. Well done. A great story :)
Comment Written 31-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2023
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Thank you for the high praise! It?s awesome to be reviewed (and enjoyed) by a skeptic!! I feel like maybe this is how ghost hunters feel when they?ve turned someone to a believer!!
I really appreciate you!! Happy new year!
Comment from Contests
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2023
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 A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry. |
Comment Written 31-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2023
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Oh my gosh this is amazing!!
I just won a national veterans contest too!!
Thank you! Happy new year!!
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Great story! And a really good picture/image.
as the dragon fell toward his friends. - 'dove' toward his friends would sound more ominous
"nearby." followed with "Alan scanned the area nearby" - echoed wording. Maybe 'proximate' area?
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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Great story! And a really good picture/image.
as the dragon fell toward his friends. - 'dove' toward his friends would sound more ominous
"nearby." followed with "Alan scanned the area nearby" - echoed wording. Maybe 'proximate' area?
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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Thank you for the pointers and critique!!
Sometimes you just write a line and know it needs a change, but the change eludes you lol!
I appreciate you, glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from Thesis
This was a fun read. Your band of characters all contributed to the demise of the dragon, who became overconfident from his past experiences with humans. Introducing the new characters as you did gave the story depth and allowed a combined attack based on their powers. Having the dragon speak was a plus. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2023
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This was a fun read. Your band of characters all contributed to the demise of the dragon, who became overconfident from his past experiences with humans. Introducing the new characters as you did gave the story depth and allowed a combined attack based on their powers. Having the dragon speak was a plus. Nicely done.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2023
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Thank you for the awesome review!!
I appreciate the compliments, sir!
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You did a very good job with this story. People saving themselves and their world from a fire breathing enemy always make a good story if well told. You have done that. We don't really know any of these heroes, but we become invested in their success. I didn't understand one sentence: The burst of flames burned ????????
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2023
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You did a very good job with this story. People saving themselves and their world from a fire breathing enemy always make a good story if well told. You have done that. We don't really know any of these heroes, but we become invested in their success. I didn't understand one sentence: The burst of flames burned ????????
Comment Written 24-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2023
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Looking at it pointed out, I see the issue. It didn?t come across as intended. I?ll reword that. Thank you!!
Thank you very much for the great review! I appreciate you!
Comment from Jacob1395
This was an intense scene and I could sense the danger the dragon posed, although it also did seem quite fun to the characters to be tackling this beast. When you go through your writing, try and look at how you can show us what's happening more, as there does seem to be quite a bit of telling, particularly in the opening. Try and describe the scales on the dragons body to really make us picture it, and how enormous is the dragon, does it rise up like a mountains suddenly gained wings (that descriptions probably not quite right, but I hope you know what I mean). Also, what can the characters smell, can they smell burning from the fire? Can they see people running in fear? How does it feel to be holding the staff, does it make Richard tremble? But overall I really enjoyed it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2023
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This was an intense scene and I could sense the danger the dragon posed, although it also did seem quite fun to the characters to be tackling this beast. When you go through your writing, try and look at how you can show us what's happening more, as there does seem to be quite a bit of telling, particularly in the opening. Try and describe the scales on the dragons body to really make us picture it, and how enormous is the dragon, does it rise up like a mountains suddenly gained wings (that descriptions probably not quite right, but I hope you know what I mean). Also, what can the characters smell, can they smell burning from the fire? Can they see people running in fear? How does it feel to be holding the staff, does it make Richard tremble? But overall I really enjoyed it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2023
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Thank you for your review.
Stories are tricky when you write them against a word count for a contest or some other reason. Some submissions are by specific word count, so you have to pick and choose which way to take the story for a specific publisher.
In some cases details are vague to encapsulate the entirety of the story being told in a short way.
Some of my work is much more detailed, and because of this it becomes more of a snapshot rather than a time lapse or it is quite long, which doesn?t seem to go over well here.
I appreciate your review, take care.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Hi just a small suggestion for this sentence:"They had decided a distraction was necessary if their friends were to going to escape with their lives." They had decided a distraction was necessary so their friends could make it alive. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest and with your writings.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2023
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Hi just a small suggestion for this sentence:"They had decided a distraction was necessary if their friends were to going to escape with their lives." They had decided a distraction was necessary so their friends could make it alive. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest and with your writings.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2023
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I like that. I think it?s a little cleaner.
I will make that change thank you.
I appreciate the compliments on my work! Thank you so much!
