They Know
He's been found out.11 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Oh my goodness this sent chills down my spine as this man's life is over in a flash and his concerned wife has no idea what she will be facing, a hard hitting story for the contest, love Dolly x
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Oh my goodness this sent chills down my spine as this man's life is over in a flash and his concerned wife has no idea what she will be facing, a hard hitting story for the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 02-Nov-2023
Comment from Wendy G
Well, I guess he is not okay at all, and is never going to be. You built up the tension well leaving the reader to wonder what he was guilty of. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
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Well, I guess he is not okay at all, and is never going to be. You built up the tension well leaving the reader to wonder what he was guilty of. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 02-Nov-2023
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Wow. How did you do that so perfectly? Sixty of the most well-chosen words for a story that included everything: intrigue, shame, hopelessness, excitement, fear and remorse. You are seriously good, Mystery Contestant. I haven't read all the selections yet, but this certainly seems like the one to beat!! Good luck! xo
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Wow. How did you do that so perfectly? Sixty of the most well-chosen words for a story that included everything: intrigue, shame, hopelessness, excitement, fear and remorse. You are seriously good, Mystery Contestant. I haven't read all the selections yet, but this certainly seems like the one to beat!! Good luck! xo
Comment Written 01-Nov-2023
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Oops! You've included quite a story here and I'm feeling quite dizzy just looking at the visual. Your 60 word dash is well expressed with a great ending. Well done and good luck! Debbie
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Oops! You've included quite a story here and I'm feeling quite dizzy just looking at the visual. Your 60 word dash is well expressed with a great ending. Well done and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 01-Nov-2023
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
This entry for the 60 WORD DASH writing prompt contest is funny in a dark humor kind. I didn't see it coming.
Good flash fiction form and word count.
Good luck in the contest.
Gypsy
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This entry for the 60 WORD DASH writing prompt contest is funny in a dark humor kind. I didn't see it coming.
Good flash fiction form and word count.
Good luck in the contest.
Gypsy
Comment Written 01-Nov-2023
Comment from Mia Twysted
What an impact. Then, to have the text come in as he was falling. Nothing he could do about it now. Maybe she would have forgiven him, stayed by his side? Heartbreaking. And you are going to be hard to beat.
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What an impact. Then, to have the text come in as he was falling. Nothing he could do about it now. Maybe she would have forgiven him, stayed by his side? Heartbreaking. And you are going to be hard to beat.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2023
Comment from Daylily
Very original and clever. The twist at the end was not at all expected. It is not easy to use a specific number of words to tell a story--and you have succeeded with excellence.
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Very original and clever. The twist at the end was not at all expected. It is not easy to use a specific number of words to tell a story--and you have succeeded with excellence.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2023
Comment from Douglas Goff
That is a sad little state of affairs. Shouldn't have killed that hooker last Saturday night, or robbed the bank, or embezzled that million. Ahhh so many questions, so few answers.
Good piece. Keeps the readers guessing!
D
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That is a sad little state of affairs. Shouldn't have killed that hooker last Saturday night, or robbed the bank, or embezzled that million. Ahhh so many questions, so few answers.
Good piece. Keeps the readers guessing!
D
Comment Written 01-Nov-2023
Comment from JSD
Hmm. An intriguing and quite clever little Flash, although I am not that sure you could read a text on the way down! Still, a good idea and I wish you luck with the contest.
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Hmm. An intriguing and quite clever little Flash, although I am not that sure you could read a text on the way down! Still, a good idea and I wish you luck with the contest.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2023
Comment from kiwisteveh
Not a bad idea but I think you bombed the ending. Surely he's not reading the text message as he falls. Everything else is from his point of view, so this really has to be too, but it's just not possible.
You could keep the story basically the same but just switch the whole thing to third person (Eye of God) narration...
Good luck.
Steve
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Not a bad idea but I think you bombed the ending. Surely he's not reading the text message as he falls. Everything else is from his point of view, so this really has to be too, but it's just not possible.
You could keep the story basically the same but just switch the whole thing to third person (Eye of God) narration...
Good luck.
Steve
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2023
