Ghost
Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "Revelation"Biography/Supernatural
10 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
You made me look bad!! Really, she still doesn't get it. She was bad and your writing is the therapy needed. I don't think I've said but one of my daughter's is a social worker and hears stories like yours every day of her working life. So sad that there are so many stories. Well done Lea.
Cheers
Valda
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2023
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You made me look bad!! Really, she still doesn't get it. She was bad and your writing is the therapy needed. I don't think I've said but one of my daughter's is a social worker and hears stories like yours every day of her working life. So sad that there are so many stories. Well done Lea.
Cheers
Valda
Comment Written 11-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2023
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Thanks again Valda! That's a very cool name you have. Well, I got out just as soon as I could in any way that I could. And unfortunately it was done in such a way that caused damage. Appreciate your wonderful comments, your compassion and you're a unique way of deliveri. Hope you have a wonderful day!
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Lea,
well done on this ongoing saga gal. It's hard to fathom that anyone could be so evil as to treat another person the way you and your sister were treated- by the very people who are supposed to love and care for you. I'm glad that neither of you were molested sexually, but I'm rather surprised that you weren't, given the foul treatment that you both received. Thanks for sharing. I hope the healing is ongoing.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
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Hello Lea,
well done on this ongoing saga gal. It's hard to fathom that anyone could be so evil as to treat another person the way you and your sister were treated- by the very people who are supposed to love and care for you. I'm glad that neither of you were molested sexually, but I'm rather surprised that you weren't, given the foul treatment that you both received. Thanks for sharing. I hope the healing is ongoing.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
Comment Written 28-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2023
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Yes, we had big fish to fry. It's true, never really got to be kids now that I'm older and my children are grown, perhaps I can be a kid now. Only if my body would cooperate LOL. Thank you for your awesome review. Tom. I really appreciate you all the good stuff. You have to say I really do hope you're having the best evening when you're relaxing and enjoying your favorite beverage. You're doing your favorite thing, have a great night!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
It sounds like doctors are gathering information to prosecute your Stepfather and your Mother for child neglect. How awful for your sister to have suffered like that Lea. Why would you starve a child? Your Stepfather sounds like a very evil man and I hope he is arrested for what he has done to the two of you Lea. As for your Mother saying that you made her look bad. I am afraid she was bad Lea for allowing this to happen to the two of you, there are no excuses. Your Mother should be full of apologies. I am glad you are publishing your book as people need to know what has happened. Another fine chapter, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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It sounds like doctors are gathering information to prosecute your Stepfather and your Mother for child neglect. How awful for your sister to have suffered like that Lea. Why would you starve a child? Your Stepfather sounds like a very evil man and I hope he is arrested for what he has done to the two of you Lea. As for your Mother saying that you made her look bad. I am afraid she was bad Lea for allowing this to happen to the two of you, there are no excuses. Your Mother should be full of apologies. I am glad you are publishing your book as people need to know what has happened. Another fine chapter, love Dolly x
Comment Written 27-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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You're absolutely right. My mother continues to play dumb and deny. I don't even bother with her anymore. She can live in her bubble and you know, sad. But we are, we are, thank you again. I still appreciate your insight. I appreciate you intellect appreciate your kind comments and reading along with me! Thank you!
Comment from JSD
So much hurt. So much pain. I'm amazed you still have any contact with your mother, but what a response! Thanks for carrying on and taking us with you. x
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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So much hurt. So much pain. I'm amazed you still have any contact with your mother, but what a response! Thanks for carrying on and taking us with you. x
Comment Written 27-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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Some of us have different ways. That's for sure our lives are apparently designed to teach us certain things.
OK, I learned! They can they can leave me alone now, LOL. I thank you again for stopping in and reading comments again. I have keep saying or meaning about to meet everything you say all of your insights, your the intuition's reading along with me and offering your thoughts. It's all amazing, thank you so much!
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Yeah, "you" made her look bad! Ugh.
This story is like an onion, and you are the master chef, expertly peeling away each layer and making us cry.
The deeper in we get here, the more painful it becomes. Like your escape into the woods, each step continues to be treacherous than the one before it. Your pacing is absolutely excellent. Super good work.
* Notice that in the parts where there are paragraphs, but the same person is still talking, you don't need more quotation marks. Doing that gives the impression that a DIFFERENT person is talking.
The story is great, Lea; you're doing an exceptional job with it.
Here are some edits:
* "So tell me what happened," I said to my sister. (then delete the "I said" at the end of that paragraph.
* ell me what happened after I was gone. Please." I asksd [asked]
* Sister's Story [apostrophe]
* It was such a long way to school. With no food, it felt even longer."
* "Sometimes, for days at a time, I went without food.
Every day I walked to school and back again, often without lunch. I began losing a lot of weight quickly. Then, one morning, I couldn't get up. I had no strength to stand. Dad tried to make me but I couldn't stand.
I heard Mom on the phone talking about me going to the hospital and maybe needing intervenous feeding.
It was quiet for a minute then followed by the rattling sound of the receiver being dropped back into the phone's cradle."
* It took me a couple of days to feel okay. So, now here we are, both of us."
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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Yeah, "you" made her look bad! Ugh.
This story is like an onion, and you are the master chef, expertly peeling away each layer and making us cry.
The deeper in we get here, the more painful it becomes. Like your escape into the woods, each step continues to be treacherous than the one before it. Your pacing is absolutely excellent. Super good work.
* Notice that in the parts where there are paragraphs, but the same person is still talking, you don't need more quotation marks. Doing that gives the impression that a DIFFERENT person is talking.
The story is great, Lea; you're doing an exceptional job with it.
Here are some edits:
* "So tell me what happened," I said to my sister. (then delete the "I said" at the end of that paragraph.
* ell me what happened after I was gone. Please." I asksd [asked]
* Sister's Story [apostrophe]
* It was such a long way to school. With no food, it felt even longer."
* "Sometimes, for days at a time, I went without food.
Every day I walked to school and back again, often without lunch. I began losing a lot of weight quickly. Then, one morning, I couldn't get up. I had no strength to stand. Dad tried to make me but I couldn't stand.
I heard Mom on the phone talking about me going to the hospital and maybe needing intervenous feeding.
It was quiet for a minute then followed by the rattling sound of the receiver being dropped back into the phone's cradle."
* It took me a couple of days to feel okay. So, now here we are, both of us."
Comment Written 26-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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Hi, yes, thank you, put a lot of thought in this one, and yes, I've already gone here and made changes to it and corrections and edits but having said that I'm always appreciating your suggestion, volleyball anyone who doesn't think so is not. Gonna be a great writer, so. Having shut up sending my love to you and my thanks as always.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This is strong content, all right. My favorite line was this one:
Rage was still sailing my ship so I had to calm myself before going out there for dinner.
I would put a comma after ship.
There is one section where the font goes really tiny.
Also there is an awkward sentence here:
"Oh." Was her only response?
I think you might mean something more like:
"Oh." I was taken off guard, if that was Oma's only question of the doctor.
There are also a few more run-on sentences, but those were logical and comprehensible anyway.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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This is strong content, all right. My favorite line was this one:
Rage was still sailing my ship so I had to calm myself before going out there for dinner.
I would put a comma after ship.
There is one section where the font goes really tiny.
Also there is an awkward sentence here:
"Oh." Was her only response?
I think you might mean something more like:
"Oh." I was taken off guard, if that was Oma's only question of the doctor.
There are also a few more run-on sentences, but those were logical and comprehensible anyway.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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Hello there and thank you again. You're amazing I have the edits complete
the ones suggested. You have a great eye and definitely switch things up. Thank you for reading revealing offering a comments. It's awesome i'd like to be challenged if I like to be told if I make a mistake i'd like suggestions I like it all you're kind of kind too. Thank you for that, and for hanging in there with me. On this journey, have a great day!
Comment from Jim Wile
I hate to say it, but your mother's reaction to your story was pretty shameful. No apology for not defending her daughters, just "You made me look bad." Jeez!
Your intuition is usually correct, so it seems like something is up. Is Oma to be trusted? It seems like you may have your doubts. It sounds like your sister also suffered quite an ordeal. I hope this is not heading where I suspect it may be heading.
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I found it a little difficult at times to identify who was talking--you or your sister. I think I figured it out, but there are things you can do to make it easier on the reader. For example, the following exchange:
"So tell me what happened? I mean I had to leave...I had to...you know I had to. I'm sorry." I said.
"I know." She said looking down at her fingers. "I just don't like to talk about it."
"We have to if only to keep going and not give up. Tell me what happened after I was gone. Please."
"I tried to find out. My friend called and asked for me and then asked for you. Dad said that neither of us lived there anymore. My other friend called to do the same thing and he said the line was disconnected."
could be made clearer by the following:
"So tell me what happened?" I asked my sister. "I mean I had to leave...I had to...you know I had to. I'm sorry."
"I know," she said, looking down at her fingers. "I just don't like to talk about it."
"We have to if only to keep going and not give up. Tell me what happened after I was gone. Please. I tried to find out. My friend called and asked for me and then asked for you. Dad said that neither of us lived there anymore. My other friend called to do the same thing and he said the line was disconnected."
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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I hate to say it, but your mother's reaction to your story was pretty shameful. No apology for not defending her daughters, just "You made me look bad." Jeez!
Your intuition is usually correct, so it seems like something is up. Is Oma to be trusted? It seems like you may have your doubts. It sounds like your sister also suffered quite an ordeal. I hope this is not heading where I suspect it may be heading.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I found it a little difficult at times to identify who was talking--you or your sister. I think I figured it out, but there are things you can do to make it easier on the reader. For example, the following exchange:
"So tell me what happened? I mean I had to leave...I had to...you know I had to. I'm sorry." I said.
"I know." She said looking down at her fingers. "I just don't like to talk about it."
"We have to if only to keep going and not give up. Tell me what happened after I was gone. Please."
"I tried to find out. My friend called and asked for me and then asked for you. Dad said that neither of us lived there anymore. My other friend called to do the same thing and he said the line was disconnected."
could be made clearer by the following:
"So tell me what happened?" I asked my sister. "I mean I had to leave...I had to...you know I had to. I'm sorry."
"I know," she said, looking down at her fingers. "I just don't like to talk about it."
"We have to if only to keep going and not give up. Tell me what happened after I was gone. Please. I tried to find out. My friend called and asked for me and then asked for you. Dad said that neither of us lived there anymore. My other friend called to do the same thing and he said the line was disconnected."
Comment Written 26-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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Hello there, thank you for your kind suggestions. And your catches. You've got an Eagle Eye and I appreciate because no one wants to put out a work. That isn't a good as a person can make it. So any edits or suggestions you have is very much welcomed by me. I know the feeling of disconnection and sometimes to keep your mind. In task that needs to be done, hopefully not the wrong time.
New comments are enciple, hope wisdom.
And an awesome review you have given and kind compassionate thought, thank you again. Enjoy your evening!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
No wonder you both find this odd. There is a lot of mystery around your treatment at the doctor's and, maybe, Oma has instigated that examination due to suspicion about your step-father's conduct. But the recognition that your sister is in the same boat is, in a perverse way, a comfort to you, I think. There's strength and self-belief in numbers. Some small edits:"Then a little thunder (rolled?) crossed her brow"; "the feeling of foreboding (voting)?.." Otherwise excellent, as ever. Debbie
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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No wonder you both find this odd. There is a lot of mystery around your treatment at the doctor's and, maybe, Oma has instigated that examination due to suspicion about your step-father's conduct. But the recognition that your sister is in the same boat is, in a perverse way, a comfort to you, I think. There's strength and self-belief in numbers. Some small edits:"Then a little thunder (rolled?) crossed her brow"; "the feeling of foreboding (voting)?.." Otherwise excellent, as ever. Debbie
Comment Written 26-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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Thank you, Debbie, want to have made those corrections again. Your Eagle eyes impressive and very helpful. To have to keep saying how grateful. I am for this support that I've received.
Always happy to see your review. I hope you have the best day!
Comment from BethShelby
I realize you are seeing something I'm not yet. The man seems to think he doesn't want to spend the money to feed you girls and apparently your mother feels she needs to please him so she goes along with it an gets you to your grandmothers. It seems she was willing to take you but you see something I'm not seeing. A lot of grandmothers have to end up raising their grandchildren because of a wicked step-dad. I can't wait to find out what i'm missing. Probably social service is paying them to keep you. They ususlly do.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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I realize you are seeing something I'm not yet. The man seems to think he doesn't want to spend the money to feed you girls and apparently your mother feels she needs to please him so she goes along with it an gets you to your grandmothers. It seems she was willing to take you but you see something I'm not seeing. A lot of grandmothers have to end up raising their grandchildren because of a wicked step-dad. I can't wait to find out what i'm missing. Probably social service is paying them to keep you. They ususlly do.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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You will find the upcoming Chapters very interesting I funny how You open a can of worms thank You again for stopping and reading offering your comments. Your insight is very keen. I appreciate that about you and I thank you for coming along on the right. Have the best updates I hope!
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
This is excellent work. Your presentation is very good. You use expressive words and colorful imagery that will draw in a readers. You are very brave to tell your story. That's not easy and it will be healthy to let out what you've gone through and get feedback.
Best wishes,
Alexandra
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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This is excellent work. Your presentation is very good. You use expressive words and colorful imagery that will draw in a readers. You are very brave to tell your story. That's not easy and it will be healthy to let out what you've gone through and get feedback.
Best wishes,
Alexandra
Comment Written 26-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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Thank you Alexandra kind and sweet of you to understand I know where I'm coming from. That takes an empathetic person to do so I appreciate it very much. I also am happy to receive your kind comment. Compassion support and you're really cool. Inside. I hope you have the best of days and thanks again!
