Ghost
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "Deeper"Biography/Supernatural
16 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
(I think, rather than naivete you were perhaps hoping against hope that someone would help you. Just one edit, Lea. - Again the truth just (out) of reach
Well done,
cheers
valda
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2023
  |
(I think, rather than naivete you were perhaps hoping against hope that someone would help you. Just one edit, Lea. - Again the truth just (out) of reach
Well done,
cheers
valda
Comment Written 07-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2023
-
Perfect, thank you so much for seeing these edits. I appreciate everyone of them because they can only help and i'm grateful for them! I'm glad you're here with me thank you my friend!
Comment from lyenochka
You wrote this very poetically and I liked how you took us back to your teenage self. It sounds like you went through some trauma but got taken back to be with your grandparents. Was there some abuse? Perhaps the doctor was talking to a parent?
This sounds like a huge effort to write this book. You might consider putting a book balloon on this. I've never done it but I heard that it's a way that every chapter would give some incentive to the reviewer.
"I did an eternal exam, (external?)
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2023
|
You wrote this very poetically and I liked how you took us back to your teenage self. It sounds like you went through some trauma but got taken back to be with your grandparents. Was there some abuse? Perhaps the doctor was talking to a parent?
This sounds like a huge effort to write this book. You might consider putting a book balloon on this. I've never done it but I heard that it's a way that every chapter would give some incentive to the reviewer.
"I did an eternal exam, (external?)
Comment Written 05-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2023
-
Thank you so much for your kind review. And for your suggestions, you're welcome to go into my port. Folio in there, you'll see a book called "Ghost". It has the all the chapters that go with the one you've just read. If you're interested, I should tell you though some of them are disturbing to read. Thank you for stopping in and reading. I appreciate that very much. I hope you have the best day!
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Very nicely written.
How old were you here?
The normal procedure is when having a physical exam. - This sentence needs rewritten for clarity. Maybe simply lose the 'is' and join it to the previous sentence.
Right through the front door where three small girls carrying the lies. - 'were' instead of where?
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
|
Very nicely written.
How old were you here?
The normal procedure is when having a physical exam. - This sentence needs rewritten for clarity. Maybe simply lose the 'is' and join it to the previous sentence.
Right through the front door where three small girls carrying the lies. - 'were' instead of where?
Best wishes.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
-
They start pelvic exams at the age of fourteen here. Thank you again for popping in, you have amazing reviews, skills and what's the problem understanding what you're trying to say? I thank you again for your compassion and you're support and we're hanging in there. I went ahead and maybe edit. Thank you again for that, have a great day!"
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
This is an excellent story. You share very personal feelings and events and I especially love how you use a voice from the child within you. I can't help but do the same.You use expressive words and imagery to foreshadow problems ahead for readers. I've wondered a lot, having been a teacher for nearly 30 years, and I've had to advocate for and defend my students however I could if necessary. I always tried to main a mutual respect with them so they could approach me with any concerns and the would know id believe them. Your open and honest relationship with your readers creates an engaging and safe place to share your serious story. that will draw in a readers. Thank you.
Best wishes,
Alexandra
A possible edit note:
Tree leaves of with (use one not both) emerald-
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
|
This is an excellent story. You share very personal feelings and events and I especially love how you use a voice from the child within you. I can't help but do the same.You use expressive words and imagery to foreshadow problems ahead for readers. I've wondered a lot, having been a teacher for nearly 30 years, and I've had to advocate for and defend my students however I could if necessary. I always tried to main a mutual respect with them so they could approach me with any concerns and the would know id believe them. Your open and honest relationship with your readers creates an engaging and safe place to share your serious story. that will draw in a readers. Thank you.
Best wishes,
Alexandra
A possible edit note:
Tree leaves of with (use one not both) emerald-
Comment Written 27-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
-
I have very thorough, kind and compassionate comments. You ask me.
And most of all, thank you for stopping in for a read hanging in with me on this journey. I hope you have the best day!
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Lea,
while I'm glad that you were able to spend the night in a bed again, and had access to a good meal and even a check up from the doctor, I fear I would be suspicious too. I wonder why your sister is there. How did she get there and why? Being intact- I suppose the doctor was checking to see if you were still a virgin, I don't know. Why he would need to relate such info to your grandmother though is a mystery. Perhaps so she knows that you weren't sexually abused at home. Well done gal.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
|
Hello Lea,
while I'm glad that you were able to spend the night in a bed again, and had access to a good meal and even a check up from the doctor, I fear I would be suspicious too. I wonder why your sister is there. How did she get there and why? Being intact- I suppose the doctor was checking to see if you were still a virgin, I don't know. Why he would need to relate such info to your grandmother though is a mystery. Perhaps so she knows that you weren't sexually abused at home. Well done gal.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
Comment Written 27-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
-
I told him yes when the doctor said I was intact. He meant I was still a Virgin. Do I have to check for that? But in order for her to get the information. Because she was not my legal guardian she had to say that I'm mentally disturbed. The rabbit hole goes really deep. I hope you're doing well Tom, are you having a good all is well in tom's world? Thank you again for your fine review always happy to see you and your kind comment. I really hope you're doing good, thank you again!
Comment from damommy
I wonder what's next. At least you're not ill, just worn out and mal-nourished. I'm with you. Why was it so important for that gynecological exam? And are they trying to prove you have mental illness?
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
|
I wonder what's next. At least you're not ill, just worn out and mal-nourished. I'm with you. Why was it so important for that gynecological exam? And are they trying to prove you have mental illness?
Comment Written 26-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
-
First, my grandmother was wondering if I was still a virgin. that I wasn't involved in any sexual activity.
And get the information she wanted. She told the doctor I was mentally ill. I was disturbed as she put it manipulation for sure.
They say we had false memory syndrome. But it's pretty funny when all 3 girls have the same false memory. I don't know about these people. Thank you for coming to write about many things and brought up some relevant questions of which I am completely digging into. I appreciate it as always. The questions make me think which makes for a better story. I hope you have a great night.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This chapter covers a medical examination which was probably supposed to reassure the family members more than you. It sounds like everything that could be reached was examined. I noticed other reviewers pointed out some edits.
I will only point out one:
naivety
I usually see it spelled: naivete.
However, I noticed on some Internet searches that they have come to be more interchangeable than before. With all the stuff that you had gone through, I wouldn't say you were inexperienced, but you were innocent of the evil motives of others. I am going to assume that 'perpetuate the lie' means that abuse or neglect was still part of their pattern of living. The disassociation that seems to come from a third person point of view introduction shows to me that you are still more comfortable thinking of these awful times as being apart and separate from you.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
|
This chapter covers a medical examination which was probably supposed to reassure the family members more than you. It sounds like everything that could be reached was examined. I noticed other reviewers pointed out some edits.
I will only point out one:
naivety
I usually see it spelled: naivete.
However, I noticed on some Internet searches that they have come to be more interchangeable than before. With all the stuff that you had gone through, I wouldn't say you were inexperienced, but you were innocent of the evil motives of others. I am going to assume that 'perpetuate the lie' means that abuse or neglect was still part of their pattern of living. The disassociation that seems to come from a third person point of view introduction shows to me that you are still more comfortable thinking of these awful times as being apart and separate from you.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
-
You're pretty smart, eh, and you understand things very well. I'm still happy for that, and pleased that people can relate, thank you. I I appreciate you hanging in there with me. Pointing things out and offering your support and I'll say it again. Thank you so much, I am so appreciative. Have a great day.
Comment from LJbutterfly
A warm bath and a hot breakfast should give anyone feelings of being loved. However, you know your grandmother, and know not to relax and trust her. She was probably looking for the doctor to say you had mental problems. Throughout all of this, you may not have had all the answers, but you remained alert, observant, and clear thinking. Following your gut feelings, you will eventually understand everything that happened.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
|
A warm bath and a hot breakfast should give anyone feelings of being loved. However, you know your grandmother, and know not to relax and trust her. She was probably looking for the doctor to say you had mental problems. Throughout all of this, you may not have had all the answers, but you remained alert, observant, and clear thinking. Following your gut feelings, you will eventually understand everything that happened.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
-
Yes you hit the nail on the head and how very right you are. As you will see end upcoming chapters the whole goes very deep, thank you for coming along on the ride. I appreciate you so very much and your time and kind comments. I hope your day is great!
Comment from Chuck Keller
Impressive work once again, Lea.
To probe so deeply into the very private thoughts of this character let's the reader able to relate and makes her relatable.
Thank you for always sharing such great writing.
I also loved the ending:
Good luck with that
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
|
Impressive work once again, Lea.
To probe so deeply into the very private thoughts of this character let's the reader able to relate and makes her relatable.
Thank you for always sharing such great writing.
I also loved the ending:
Good luck with that
Comment Written 26-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
-
Thank you, chuck, I'm so happy to have you along for the ride. Happy to see your name and you're reviewing come up gives me a smile. I feel appreciate your comments as well. They're very insightful. I'm glad you like it and hope it helps anyone who needsed. That is my call, thank you again. I hope to try out with you soon. Have an awesome night!
Comment from Rachelle Allen
The dark foreboding looms like a storm cloud here. Really well done. All the healthy breakfasts in the world won't cure this level of tension and unease. You've shown it perfectly; it's palpable. Dread, suspicion and distrust are what's really being served up as the main courses. Ugh.
Here's a few fixes to make:
* "Time to get up now efer" should read: "Time to get up now, Efer." Then let us in on that name, because we are unfamiliar with what "Efer" means.
* wiped up the counter AND the dining room table
* Leaves [of trees] greeted me with a green dappled smile. "Of trees" not necessary.
* quickly shut the door and say [SAT] quickly [department of redundancy department. Delete second 'quickly.'] down in a seat.
*They continue to perpetuate the lie, but why? I would change this to "They perpetuate this lie still today. But at least now I understand the underpinnings of why. Back then, I was naive to the trap they were laying."
*It was again rearing It's [should be its. It's is a contraction for the words it is. This pronoun doesn't use an apostrophe when you're looking to make it possessive. This is like with his and hers. That's how you can double-check yourself. If you could use 'his' instead, then its won't need an apostrophe.
*I would also change the latter part of the sentence this way: "staring me in the face, chiding, "Ha ha ha. Got you again."
Really chilling, well-done chapter. Just the briefest of sighs of relief...then back on the the horror ride.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2023
|
The dark foreboding looms like a storm cloud here. Really well done. All the healthy breakfasts in the world won't cure this level of tension and unease. You've shown it perfectly; it's palpable. Dread, suspicion and distrust are what's really being served up as the main courses. Ugh.
Here's a few fixes to make:
* "Time to get up now efer" should read: "Time to get up now, Efer." Then let us in on that name, because we are unfamiliar with what "Efer" means.
* wiped up the counter AND the dining room table
* Leaves [of trees] greeted me with a green dappled smile. "Of trees" not necessary.
* quickly shut the door and say [SAT] quickly [department of redundancy department. Delete second 'quickly.'] down in a seat.
*They continue to perpetuate the lie, but why? I would change this to "They perpetuate this lie still today. But at least now I understand the underpinnings of why. Back then, I was naive to the trap they were laying."
*It was again rearing It's [should be its. It's is a contraction for the words it is. This pronoun doesn't use an apostrophe when you're looking to make it possessive. This is like with his and hers. That's how you can double-check yourself. If you could use 'his' instead, then its won't need an apostrophe.
*I would also change the latter part of the sentence this way: "staring me in the face, chiding, "Ha ha ha. Got you again."
Really chilling, well-done chapter. Just the briefest of sighs of relief...then back on the the horror ride.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2023
-
Hi, yeah, you know what's something must have happened when I was writing this one out maybe my editor was off or something. I went ahead and made all this changes. A whole bunch of different changed and rewrote so it should be much better. I checked my Grandma program and read now as suggestive hope. You're having a greathank you for the fabulous. Review and for the time you took to point these out to me. And I took all of these edit changes and did them and took a look at my program 2 of them. Something fish here so thanks for pointing it all out. Thank you for your review and I hope you're having the best of days!
