Ghost
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "Reality"Biography/Supernatural
9 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
You did leave us at a cliffhanger so it's lucky for me I will be reading on. I loved the description as you looked out of the tent on first aking. Shows great strength that you remember the beauty not just the beast.
Cheers
Valda
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2023
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You did leave us at a cliffhanger so it's lucky for me I will be reading on. I loved the description as you looked out of the tent on first aking. Shows great strength that you remember the beauty not just the beast.
Cheers
Valda
Comment Written 30-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2023
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Thank you that's a wonderful compliment so appreciate that! We must notice the beauty in the world how else are we to compare from From what is good or pleasing to what is not. Once again, thank you for reading. I'm happy that you are now. I enjoy your reviews, your comments and your have a great night!
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello, Lea!
Have not been able to review much this week. Getting ready to read some of your latest offerings.
This piece is realistic and urgen.
I've taken the liberty to suggest a few edits:
* still had a couple of cans of Alpha Ghetti (a can of stew)and two pieces of bread.
*I wondered if they found out anything about my sister and/or what my parents were up to if anything.( And where my sister was I heard a young man's voice,) Disjointed = and where my sister was. I heard a young man's voice
"Hey guys, glad you came.""How come you're out here? We know where you're at." S said.
("Hey, guys. Glad you came.")
("How come you're out here?")
("We know where you're at.")
Every time a speaker speaks, start a new line...
*"Guys what's going on tell me now I know something's happened so spit it out, "I demanded. ("Guys! What's going on? Tell me now. I know something's happened so spit it out," I demanded)
Thank you for sharing!
diane
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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Hello, Lea!
Have not been able to review much this week. Getting ready to read some of your latest offerings.
This piece is realistic and urgen.
I've taken the liberty to suggest a few edits:
* still had a couple of cans of Alpha Ghetti (a can of stew)and two pieces of bread.
*I wondered if they found out anything about my sister and/or what my parents were up to if anything.( And where my sister was I heard a young man's voice,) Disjointed = and where my sister was. I heard a young man's voice
"Hey guys, glad you came.""How come you're out here? We know where you're at." S said.
("Hey, guys. Glad you came.")
("How come you're out here?")
("We know where you're at.")
Every time a speaker speaks, start a new line...
*"Guys what's going on tell me now I know something's happened so spit it out, "I demanded. ("Guys! What's going on? Tell me now. I know something's happened so spit it out," I demanded)
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment Written 21-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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Thank you, Diane, this is really helpful. I so appreciate people like yourself. Noticing stuff that needs editing or changing or tweaking in any way. These are the kinds of things that make great whiters possible. So I thank you so much for that and we're reading a lot. I completely am happy to see you. I hope that your day is amazing. Thank you again for the great review. And I will take those evidence into hand.!
Comment from Chuck Keller
Personal experience is sometimes difficult to express but you've done an excellent job.
The "cliffhanger" is intriguing and makes the reader want to know the whole story.
Well done!
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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Personal experience is sometimes difficult to express but you've done an excellent job.
The "cliffhanger" is intriguing and makes the reader want to know the whole story.
Well done!
Comment Written 20-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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Hi chuck, how are you? Thank you so much for your kind review. And you're welcome to read the whole story at any time. You wish said my portfolio a book called "Ghost" It's an autobio. Feel free to read it any time you wish. Interesting one of my best friends is named chuck. I haven't seen him in many years.
I welcome you and thank you again! I invite you to read more. I'll be putting out 2 more chapters today. Thank you again. I really hope your day is amazing!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Oh my goodness, you left us with a cliff hanger here Lea, your sister is very young and this is going to be rather upsetting, glad you will be treated to a MacDonalds meal as it sounds like you need building up, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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Oh my goodness, you left us with a cliff hanger here Lea, your sister is very young and this is going to be rather upsetting, glad you will be treated to a MacDonalds meal as it sounds like you need building up, love Dolly x
Comment Written 20-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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Hi Dolly thank you. Yes, not only do I wish to pass a message with writing, I also want to make it a page-turner if I can and try to write it best as I know how. I'm only a new writer, I have no training whatsoever. I just simply rolled with it and took all the advise i could get. Response, including yours has been really great. The gift of belief is truly precious. Thank you again for your kind review. Enjoy your day!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is word perfect, Lea! I love your imagery at the beginning with the clouds and sun peaking through inside you and the coat pattern of a fawn. Superb! Every word, every phrase you've written seems to have been selected so assiduously to convey in succinct form your current sense of being. And when your friends arrive, you're always on your guard, prioritising deep concerns before hunger needs. This is great writing and I'm with you there in the forest (if you need me:)) Debbie
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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This is word perfect, Lea! I love your imagery at the beginning with the clouds and sun peaking through inside you and the coat pattern of a fawn. Superb! Every word, every phrase you've written seems to have been selected so assiduously to convey in succinct form your current sense of being. And when your friends arrive, you're always on your guard, prioritising deep concerns before hunger needs. This is great writing and I'm with you there in the forest (if you need me:)) Debbie
Comment Written 20-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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Debbie, that is the most awesome review as I've seen. It's great, thank you for everything your kind comments. I'm glad you liked it.
And to be understood and believed. I think you do. Thank you!! Well, wishes to give and great constructive or oral. I should say suggestion for change, so really good. Thank you, have a great night!
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This is a continuation of an autobiography that includes a prolonged spell of homelessness. I guess Alpha Ghetti is something like canned spaghetti. I had not heard of it before. There are some little fixes in how the dialogue is punctuated.
For example:
"Some stuff happened since you were here last. I needed to change up my entrance and exit. We're gonna go separately this time." I answered.
I would change the period after separately this time to a comma.
It sounds like you have another cliff hanger here.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2023
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This is a continuation of an autobiography that includes a prolonged spell of homelessness. I guess Alpha Ghetti is something like canned spaghetti. I had not heard of it before. There are some little fixes in how the dialogue is punctuated.
For example:
"Some stuff happened since you were here last. I needed to change up my entrance and exit. We're gonna go separately this time." I answered.
I would change the period after separately this time to a comma.
It sounds like you have another cliff hanger here.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2023
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Thank you so much for your review and catching those little edits along the way. I appreciate that I certainly take them to heart. And I'm gonna have to make those changes. So thank you for your Eagle Eye. I very much appreciate it. I thank you too, for hanging in there and reading along with me. And offering your forgetting is a vacuum spaghetti only made in letters instead of noodles. And it has bright orange spaghetti sauce, but that's about the extent of it, it's orange.
Thanks for hanging in there and reading alongside and writing on the journey, appreciate all your comments and everything that you have to say, it's important. Other writers offering their thought. It is a gift not a Burden and therefore I am grateful for all that you have to say. And I hope you have a grand evening !and thanks again.
Comment from damommy
Gone or dead? I have a feeling she's dead. The fist made the wrong connection this time, and there's one less to torment. I'm hoping all this catches up with two so-called parents.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2023
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Gone or dead? I have a feeling she's dead. The fist made the wrong connection this time, and there's one less to torment. I'm hoping all this catches up with two so-called parents.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2023
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Oh, things will certainly happen definitely. That's from my sister, she did come up, but she's never been the same. She's damaged quite badly. Unfortunately, I will get into that very soon. Thank you for your fine review. I'm glad you're curious about months going to happen. I'll get into that too. It'll kind of climaxes with the exit of the park. To finding a new place to find in my sister but we'll get to that too, thank you again for reading, I hope that you continue and that you and even enjoyed this makes pleases me very much, and I'm quite happy to have you along reading. Thank you again!
Comment from T B Botts
Great job Lea!
I was glad that you mentioned the drawstring for your pants again. I was going to mention it last chapter but forgot. It gives us a view into how desperate the situation is for you. Eating canned spaghetti might keep starvation at bay, but not by much. I would think that if you spent too much time out there it would just be a matter of time before you started suffering health problems. I'm curious now about your sister. This is the middle one I assume? I hope she's going to be OK. Guess I'll find out.
Blessings,
TOm
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2023
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Great job Lea!
I was glad that you mentioned the drawstring for your pants again. I was going to mention it last chapter but forgot. It gives us a view into how desperate the situation is for you. Eating canned spaghetti might keep starvation at bay, but not by much. I would think that if you spent too much time out there it would just be a matter of time before you started suffering health problems. I'm curious now about your sister. This is the middle one I assume? I hope she's going to be OK. Guess I'll find out.
Blessings,
TOm
Comment Written 19-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2023
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Thank you again Tom!!
Comment from Rachelle Allen
OYYYYYYYYYYY!!! This is REALLY well done. First, you have us all happy because you've slept well, your nails are clean, your teeth are brushed, the sun is shining, you're meeting your friends, you're being careful with ingress and egress, you have cute reparte' with your friends, you're getting to go to McDonald's....then WHAM!! The knockout punch when it's least expected. I repeat: OYYYYYYYYYY!!!
My only edit for you is to make a new paragraph every time a different person is talking and to put a period in your preface after the words "she needs me" and then, of course, capitalize the T of 'Things.'
Superior job, Lea. You're doing wonderful things with this story; you honestly are. xo
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2023
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OYYYYYYYYYYY!!! This is REALLY well done. First, you have us all happy because you've slept well, your nails are clean, your teeth are brushed, the sun is shining, you're meeting your friends, you're being careful with ingress and egress, you have cute reparte' with your friends, you're getting to go to McDonald's....then WHAM!! The knockout punch when it's least expected. I repeat: OYYYYYYYYYY!!!
My only edit for you is to make a new paragraph every time a different person is talking and to put a period in your preface after the words "she needs me" and then, of course, capitalize the T of 'Things.'
Superior job, Lea. You're doing wonderful things with this story; you honestly are. xo
Comment Written 19-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2023
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Thank you so much, I'm so happy you liked this one. Yes, and thank you for the great conversation. It was nice chatting with you. Also, thank you for this awesome review again. It means a lot to me and I have truly grateful. Have yourself an awesome night.
