The Secret
Keeping a secret21 total reviews
Comment from Lea Tonin1
This is a really great poem. I'm the voting booth and I hadn't read yours yet. So I thought well this is worth a good read. I liked it so much. And it speaks of the human condition and how we sometimes fail and need to be dusted off and picked up again. Sometimes there are things we can't do it, it's a chick's fault where they may myself, it's more about, but it caused more harm than good, that is, I appreciate the dilemma you are in. I appreciate you just told me what you're trying to say well with the stars it received. Hope you have a great day!
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2023
This is a really great poem. I'm the voting booth and I hadn't read yours yet. So I thought well this is worth a good read. I liked it so much. And it speaks of the human condition and how we sometimes fail and need to be dusted off and picked up again. Sometimes there are things we can't do it, it's a chick's fault where they may myself, it's more about, but it caused more harm than good, that is, I appreciate the dilemma you are in. I appreciate you just told me what you're trying to say well with the stars it received. Hope you have a great day!
Comment Written 20-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2023
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Thanks, Lea. As we get older, we sometimes accumulate more secrets. This is not a good idea.
Comment from jake cosmos aller
wonderful poem about dark secrets many of us have that we might take to the grave with us, or forget as dementia sets in. I like how you dance around the secret and never let on what exactly is it? a companion piece would reveal it and that is how I would have written this.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2023
wonderful poem about dark secrets many of us have that we might take to the grave with us, or forget as dementia sets in. I like how you dance around the secret and never let on what exactly is it? a companion piece would reveal it and that is how I would have written this.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2023
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Thanks, Jake. I'll think about revealing the secret.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Hi secret writer. Your poem reaches into the mind of a woman with a secret so haunting it keeps her awake, intruding into her days. With dementia, she may forget...or she might just tell on herself.
Great job!
Best of luck in the contest,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2023
Hi secret writer. Your poem reaches into the mind of a woman with a secret so haunting it keeps her awake, intruding into her days. With dementia, she may forget...or she might just tell on herself.
Great job!
Best of luck in the contest,
Rhonda
Comment Written 19-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2023
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Thanks, Rhonda. Secrets are never good for insomnia.
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True!
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It?s you, Paul! So glad to see who wrote the poem. It was great!
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Thanks fore the pat on the back, Rhonda.
Comment from Douglas Goff
Interesting. Very interesting. I had expected you to blow us out with something silly at the end but you actually brought us in on a smooth landing and never revealed the secret.
Well done. Well done, indeed!
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2023
Interesting. Very interesting. I had expected you to blow us out with something silly at the end but you actually brought us in on a smooth landing and never revealed the secret.
Well done. Well done, indeed!
Comment Written 19-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2023
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Thanks, Doug. I don't know if dementia is a smooth landing, but at least it's a landing.
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Good point.
Comment from Eleri
I am intrigued now as to what the secret is. The alternate rhyming in this poem is good and it is generally well written. However the rhythm is a bit inconsistent. I think that I would have tried to make each line have approximately the same number of syllables as that makes a poem much easier to read out loud with a good flow. Nevertheless I do wish you all the best in the contest
Eleri
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2023
I am intrigued now as to what the secret is. The alternate rhyming in this poem is good and it is generally well written. However the rhythm is a bit inconsistent. I think that I would have tried to make each line have approximately the same number of syllables as that makes a poem much easier to read out loud with a good flow. Nevertheless I do wish you all the best in the contest
Eleri
Comment Written 19-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2023
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Thanks, Eleri. Something that might help you is that the poem is written in iambic heptameter. I don't like really long lines, so each heptad is stretched over two lines.
Comment from Sally Law
Wonderfully penned and illustrated poem of the deep secret. Yes, dementia may wipe it out as I have cared for a relative with Alzheimer's. It's different with every one though.
Sending you my best today as always, and my very best wishes for the upcoming contest.
Sally :))
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2023
Wonderfully penned and illustrated poem of the deep secret. Yes, dementia may wipe it out as I have cared for a relative with Alzheimer's. It's different with every one though.
Sending you my best today as always, and my very best wishes for the upcoming contest.
Sally :))
Comment Written 19-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2023
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Thanks, Sally. I really like the star of David on your picture.
Comment from Terry Broxson
Dang, this puts a whole new face on temptation. I think it would be very tempting to want to share a deep, dark secret. But one that eats at your mind is a tough one. Excellent. Terry.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2023
Dang, this puts a whole new face on temptation. I think it would be very tempting to want to share a deep, dark secret. But one that eats at your mind is a tough one. Excellent. Terry.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2023
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Thanks, Terry. I have gotten in trouble more than once by telling a person a secret and telling them not to tell anyone else. Sure enough, in a few days, almost everybody knows.
Comment from Janis Miller
I love the silliness and suspense in this poem. I think there are a few areas I might have written different just for the sake of flow.
Comma: I have a deep, dark
All inquiries that I've had.... Reads better. I have had, slows the reading down.
The secret's locked inside my brain but (now) it's wanting out.
It seems I can't unwind
That has been bugging me
These were the speed bumps I found reading it through the first time where the flow of the poem changed. When I played with words a bit, these suggestions made it more of a consistent flow.
Just suggestions. But I do love the overall content of the poem. It made me giggle.
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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2023
I love the silliness and suspense in this poem. I think there are a few areas I might have written different just for the sake of flow.
Comma: I have a deep, dark
All inquiries that I've had.... Reads better. I have had, slows the reading down.
The secret's locked inside my brain but (now) it's wanting out.
It seems I can't unwind
That has been bugging me
These were the speed bumps I found reading it through the first time where the flow of the poem changed. When I played with words a bit, these suggestions made it more of a consistent flow.
Just suggestions. But I do love the overall content of the poem. It made me giggle.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2023
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I appreciate the suggestions, Janis. I'll take a look.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a clever, well rhymed and metered poem and such a delight to read, it should be a winner for the contest, a talented write from a talented pen, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2023
This is a clever, well rhymed and metered poem and such a delight to read, it should be a winner for the contest, a talented write from a talented pen, love Dolly x
Comment Written 19-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2023
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Thanks, Christine. One of the few benefits of dementia.
Comment from Claire Tennant
What a way to reveal a tale of woe. Very cleverly written. Can you hear me giggling? The rhyme runs well, the tension builds, and the thoughts are clear. Very well done.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2023
What a way to reveal a tale of woe. Very cleverly written. Can you hear me giggling? The rhyme runs well, the tension builds, and the thoughts are clear. Very well done.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2023
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Thanks, Claire. Tension, yes tension!!!