Ghost
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Enough"Biography/Supernatural
31 total reviews
Comment from KjSilver
Very sad story! It is written well. I could feel the pain and despair. It breaks the heart.
Good luck in the contest!
Here are just some grammatical things:
Our world had narrowed to the end of a fist, broken sporadically with visits from the mans son. Man's*
so her {he*)took her by the back of the head and swung her by her hair,
So I told my friends, I told everyone at school, and told my teachers. I told anyone who would listen. (comma splice) Possible correction: So, I told my friends, everyone at school, and my teachers.
At times like that, we would sneak each other food at times like that. (Redundant use of 'at times like that)
The third incident occurred that evening while my two sisters were in bed, I asked the man who became my stepfather, if we could watch my favorite show, Man from Atlantis. (comma splice)
Even as young and small as I was. (doesn't make sense with the previous sentence)
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2024
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Very sad story! It is written well. I could feel the pain and despair. It breaks the heart.
Good luck in the contest!
Here are just some grammatical things:
Our world had narrowed to the end of a fist, broken sporadically with visits from the mans son. Man's*
so her {he*)took her by the back of the head and swung her by her hair,
So I told my friends, I told everyone at school, and told my teachers. I told anyone who would listen. (comma splice) Possible correction: So, I told my friends, everyone at school, and my teachers.
At times like that, we would sneak each other food at times like that. (Redundant use of 'at times like that)
The third incident occurred that evening while my two sisters were in bed, I asked the man who became my stepfather, if we could watch my favorite show, Man from Atlantis. (comma splice)
Even as young and small as I was. (doesn't make sense with the previous sentence)
Comment Written 09-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2024
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Hi thank you so much I was unable to respond before today I've been up in the mountains with few areas of cell reception so apologies for my late return thank you for your kind review and your edits suggestions they really mean a lot to me they are like gold how else do we learn without them till thank you again I hope you have the best day!
Comment from Brenda Strauser
This story is so sad. I could feel your pain throughout the story. Child abuse is so terrible. I also felt the sense of hopelessness in you and your sisters. Well done
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024
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This story is so sad. I could feel your pain throughout the story. Child abuse is so terrible. I also felt the sense of hopelessness in you and your sisters. Well done
Comment Written 09-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024
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Hi Brenda thank you so much for reading thank you for your time Thomas and for your insight I am grateful I appreciate you being here and offering your time and thoughts and for your fine rating and I thank you for that too I hope your day is amazing!
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Thank you
Comment from BethShelby
This is an extremely well written true and sad story which would be great for a contest, although not this one because of the limited work count. I was afraid the man was going to try to sexual abuse you. Hopefully in went no further than the kiss. I know all of you must need some serious therapy after being treated in this way. Children are so vulnerable to being in a family like the one you are describing.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2023
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This is an extremely well written true and sad story which would be great for a contest, although not this one because of the limited work count. I was afraid the man was going to try to sexual abuse you. Hopefully in went no further than the kiss. I know all of you must need some serious therapy after being treated in this way. Children are so vulnerable to being in a family like the one you are describing.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2023
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Thank you again for your wonderful and compassionate review! I so appreciate your support and your kind comments more than you know.
Yes, I knew it probably would be disqualified when I entered it because I did notice after I wrote it that it was a hundred words only and I went oh. So I looked at it and I went there's no way I could shorten this to 100 words with all that happened would not fit
so I let it go as is. I appreciate the kind words of yourself and others who have commented. I hope you have the best of days, and thank you again!
Comment from Sanku
I just don't have any words to express the horror I felt thinking of you and your sister going through all this .Why was the mother silent all the time ..The teachers could have called in the social service people?
please continue...
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2023
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I just don't have any words to express the horror I felt thinking of you and your sister going through all this .Why was the mother silent all the time ..The teachers could have called in the social service people?
please continue...
Comment Written 07-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2023
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Thank you very much for your kind review andwhore your compassion and your kind words. The support I have received is amazing and I thank you very much for it! This chapter is part of a book I'm writing called "Ghost" an auto bio. Feel free to read if you wish it's in my portfolio. No need to review, but if you feel like it and have time, you are welcome to do so. You're sanswers to your questions are in those few chapters. And offering your kind review and your compassionate remarks. Is all the answers to your questions are in those chapters. I hope you have the best of days!
Comment from oliver818
This is a a terrifying story- I really feel for those children and found it really hard to keep on reading. It's a necessary thing though- writing can't always be about happy kittens. Thanks for sharing this
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2023
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This is a a terrifying story- I really feel for those children and found it really hard to keep on reading. It's a necessary thing though- writing can't always be about happy kittens. Thanks for sharing this
Comment Written 07-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2023
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Thank you, I appreciate you stopping in and reading and offering your kind thoughts, compassion and support. I really do appreciate it.
This is part of an auto bio I am writing called "Ghost" which you are welcome to read. I hope you have the best of days and thank you so much again!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
What a harrowing story! I do hope you continue this. You will be disqualified from this contest because the maximum words you could use is between 98- 102, yours is 1,156. But the story is amazing. That it is true, is so sad. Well done for writing it, and as I said before, I do hope you continue to write your story. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2023
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What a harrowing story! I do hope you continue this. You will be disqualified from this contest because the maximum words you could use is between 98- 102, yours is 1,156. But the story is amazing. That it is true, is so sad. Well done for writing it, and as I said before, I do hope you continue to write your story. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 07-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2023
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Thank you so much, Sandra again for your fine review for stopping by and having a read. I also appreciate your compassion and your heart felt remarks. This would become part of a book I am writing an auto bio called "Ghost" You're more than welcome to read. It is a work in progress. Thank you again very much. I appreciate you stopping in and offering your thoughts and I will continue. There's no help for it now. LOL have a great day!
Comment from BermyBye50
Lea,
This is a sobering and chilling remembrance that tells a tragic true story of a day in the life of three abused children. You and your two sisters lived through a nightmare at ages 10, 8 and 5. You were all trapped in a a desperate and fear-filled existence.
You have me wondering how you and your sisters are doing today. I pray all three of you are doing well and have been able to put the past behind. I applaud you courage to share this story for the true story flash contest.
a few corrections:
He was mad about some infraction she had committed so her [he] took her by the back of the head
I asked the man who became my stepfather, if could we [if we could] watch my favourite [favorite] show
All the best,
Eugene
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2023
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Lea,
This is a sobering and chilling remembrance that tells a tragic true story of a day in the life of three abused children. You and your two sisters lived through a nightmare at ages 10, 8 and 5. You were all trapped in a a desperate and fear-filled existence.
You have me wondering how you and your sisters are doing today. I pray all three of you are doing well and have been able to put the past behind. I applaud you courage to share this story for the true story flash contest.
a few corrections:
He was mad about some infraction she had committed so her [he] took her by the back of the head
I asked the man who became my stepfather, if could we [if we could] watch my favourite [favorite] show
All the best,
Eugene
Comment Written 06-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2023
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Hi thank you Eugene, I appreciate the tips and I have since made the corrections. Thank you so much for that. I always appreciate it! I try my best not to associate much with ny family. Every time it costs me and costs my sisters too. Much will be revealed as we go along as I feel. It's a story that needs to be completed. You are welcome to look through the book called ghost. In my portfolio, it contains the preceding chapters. Thank you so much again, Eugene. I so appreciate your support your kind words and your empathetic comments. Thank you so much. I hope you have a great evening!
Comment from John W Walker
A poignant story so well done that it held me spellbound throughout. The story flows well from one situation to the next. The tragic circumstances under which the author finds herself and the struggles to escape to something better is breathtaking to say the least. My heart was pulling for them all. Well done!
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2023
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A poignant story so well done that it held me spellbound throughout. The story flows well from one situation to the next. The tragic circumstances under which the author finds herself and the struggles to escape to something better is breathtaking to say the least. My heart was pulling for them all. Well done!
Comment Written 06-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2023
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Thank you John! I will appreciate your compassion and your heart felt words. I thank you also for your kind review. And for your support, it is worth gold to me.
This is part of a book an autobio I'm writing. It's called "Ghost" speaks of my very traumatic life and how I became who I am today. Again I thank you for your kind review, and thank you for reading! I hope you have the best of days!
Comment from Jim Wile
What a horror you faced, Lea. So unfortunate and unfair for children to have to live this way with no help from the adults in their lives. I hope you continue writing this story since it is fascinating and I'm sure cathartic for you.
Some of the verbiage could be tightened up, but I'm sure it would occur to you in a second draft of this. For example, this pair of sentences:
Something that spoke to me within me that not even he could silence knew this was wrong despite all the guilt and the mind games my parents played. I still knew something was wrong.
could be shortened without losing the effect as follows:
"Despite the guilt and mind games my parents played, I knew this was wrong."
Quite a spell-binding story. - Jim
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2023
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What a horror you faced, Lea. So unfortunate and unfair for children to have to live this way with no help from the adults in their lives. I hope you continue writing this story since it is fascinating and I'm sure cathartic for you.
Some of the verbiage could be tightened up, but I'm sure it would occur to you in a second draft of this. For example, this pair of sentences:
Something that spoke to me within me that not even he could silence knew this was wrong despite all the guilt and the mind games my parents played. I still knew something was wrong.
could be shortened without losing the effect as follows:
"Despite the guilt and mind games my parents played, I knew this was wrong."
Quite a spell-binding story. - Jim
Comment Written 06-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2023
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Thank you, Jim, I very much appreciate your review. Your comments, your insightful. And you're compassion so little of it left in the world these days that we must embrace it when it comes. And yes, I will continue to write because the cork has been popped and the deluge is coming. I also believe that bringing this kind of thing to the light as nasty as it is, is still a very relevant issue today, and hopefully, my experience will change the life of another. If that happens, I've completed my goal for life. Thank you so much again. I hope you have the best day!
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Still extremely relevant today. Thank you for the bravery you've shown in relating this to us. That's a noble goal you have, Lea.
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Thank you so much. You've given me a nice, bright smile and I appreciate that have an awesome evening!
Comment from lyenochka
I'm sorry that you and your sisters were so horribly abused both physically and emotionally. You put a lot of emotions into your words. This may be good for another True story contest as I think you may have exceeded the number of words - maximum 102. Hope you continue sharing your story.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2023
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I'm sorry that you and your sisters were so horribly abused both physically and emotionally. You put a lot of emotions into your words. This may be good for another True story contest as I think you may have exceeded the number of words - maximum 102. Hope you continue sharing your story.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2023
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Thank you so much for your kind review. And yes, I know it's more than 100 words and probably will be dis qualified. My friend, my pants wouldn't stop writing part of a book called ghost. Will be added after the contest is over. I thank you very much for reading and your support. Yes, we came through, not without our scars. Soon to be written.
