Comment from lancellot

Average

Hmm, I will not speak to whose responsibility homelessness is. I know it is way more complicated than can be mentioned in a short poem. But, the structure of this poem needs revision. If it is written better, your point may come across better.

notes:

where [garage} is thrown on the ground.

-garbage

The {smells} are cattle all around; and even the "stoned deaf" can hear the sounds.

-odor or scent or stench.

It is referred to as " ugly, stinky, drug infected, garage not collected, social leprosy infection, non human beings tent city."

-It is referred to as: ugly, stinky, drug infected, garbage not collected, social leprosy infection, non-human beings tent city.

Thanks to the Governors and Mayors; who have "theirs," far away, with security on all levels.

-rewrite

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2023

Thanks.

You are correct on all levels.
I have a tendency to write,and then publish, before doing an adequate edit of words and punctuation.

I appreciate your taking the time to provide an example of how to write at a higher level.

Yes, I needed that factual appraisal.

I have always appreciated "teachers," who provide examples, so my future writings ca n be improved.

I am now looking for the pop up the reviewer nomination box.

Thanks

Comment from jim vecchio

Excellent

Don't call yourself a "novice". Don't hold yourself back! You are a very good writer! I loved tht phrase, "President Pinocchio and his Gheppettos". It's so sad what has happened to San Francisco and most of California. I travelled there in the 70's and absolutely loved it! Things sure have changed!

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2023

Thank you

reply by jim vecchio on 13-Aug-2023

Thank you for your writing!

reply by jim vecchio on 13-Aug-2023

You are very welcome!

reply by the author on 13-Aug-2023

Thanks