No Air
a 5-7-517 total reviews
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
The first line draws you in. The second line slaps you in the face and your jaw hangs. While you watch the ball inflate, you deflate in shock and confusion. Then a wave passes over you and you start laughing and laughing until your eyeballs leak. This was wonderful.
Karen
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2023
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The first line draws you in. The second line slaps you in the face and your jaw hangs. While you watch the ball inflate, you deflate in shock and confusion. Then a wave passes over you and you start laughing and laughing until your eyeballs leak. This was wonderful.
Karen
Comment Written 24-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2023
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Glad it tickled you, Karen.
Comment from Ulla
He hehe, Bill. This 5-7-5 is so full of innuendo, I loved it. I'm so glad we're only talking about a ball. Good luck in the contest. All the best, Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2023
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He hehe, Bill. This 5-7-5 is so full of innuendo, I loved it. I'm so glad we're only talking about a ball. Good luck in the contest. All the best, Ulla:)))
Comment Written 29-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2023
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Thank you, Ulla.
Comment from kahpot
Deflation can happen to everything including man, and it usually takes someone else to pump us or it up, very well written, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2023
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Deflation can happen to everything including man, and it usually takes someone else to pump us or it up, very well written, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
Comment Written 28-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2023
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Thank you, kahpot.
Comment from Ric Myworld
You've brought back the memory of blowing up footballs and basketballs as a boy. Fond thoughts from many years ago. Thanks for sharing............................
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2023
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You've brought back the memory of blowing up footballs and basketballs as a boy. Fond thoughts from many years ago. Thanks for sharing............................
Comment Written 28-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2023
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Thanks, Ric
Comment from BethShelby
Yes the last line was unexpeced. As you intended, I thought you were the one who was empty inside and the needle would be containing something to make you high. It was a refreshing to know you were filling a ball with air. I didn't really believe it was a about you but the ball was a surprise.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2023
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Yes the last line was unexpeced. As you intended, I thought you were the one who was empty inside and the needle would be containing something to make you high. It was a refreshing to know you were filling a ball with air. I didn't really believe it was a about you but the ball was a surprise.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2023
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Surprise!
Comment from Goodadvicechan
I guess it is a bicycle flat tyre.
I am glad you found the needle and fix it.
Life has ups and downs. People have to be positive and eventually will find a solution to fix the down times like fixing a flat tyre.
Than you for sharing
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2023
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I guess it is a bicycle flat tyre.
I am glad you found the needle and fix it.
Life has ups and downs. People have to be positive and eventually will find a solution to fix the down times like fixing a flat tyre.
Than you for sharing
Comment Written 28-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2023
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I figured a game ball or such, since a bike tire doesn't use a needle. I hoped the orange background would conjure up the idea of a basketball.
Comment from lyenochka
This is really well done! I like the double meaning that you created. The first line makes us think of a person's emotional state. The needle that first comes to mind in the second line is that of a drug user. But in the end we see that it's the needle to refill the air in a ball. It's like an artwork that you step away from and get a different picture!
Hope this does well in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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This is really well done! I like the double meaning that you created. The first line makes us think of a person's emotional state. The needle that first comes to mind in the second line is that of a drug user. But in the end we see that it's the needle to refill the air in a ball. It's like an artwork that you step away from and get a different picture!
Hope this does well in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Thank you, Helen, for both the terrific review and the boost.
Comment from Lisasview
Hi Bill, fantastic poem... I really did love it...
However, you will do way better in the contest with an image... Perhaps a deflated ball of some sort...
Just trying to help...
Lisasview, new to this site
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Hi Bill, fantastic poem... I really did love it...
However, you will do way better in the contest with an image... Perhaps a deflated ball of some sort...
Just trying to help...
Lisasview, new to this site
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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I know you're right, Lisa, but I would prefer the allusion to a basketball *black print on orange* with the further shot at the metaphorical element here.
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I figured that Bill, but not sure the Committee will??
Lisa
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Since there was no requirement for it, nor one used in the example, I can?t see it as a weighted factor. More than likely the poem with cats and flowers will do better.
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You are right Bill, there are no requirements for images for any poem but
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Ha ha ha, you are funny Bill and I reckon this could be a winner for the contest, I wish you luck, we all need air for life, even a ball, a funny post, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Ha ha ha, you are funny Bill and I reckon this could be a winner for the contest, I wish you luck, we all need air for life, even a ball, a funny post, love Dolly x
Comment Written 27-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Thank you, Dolly, for the terrific review. Bill
Comment from nomi338
Unlike that rubber ball, some of us are empty of things tat cannot be replenished. Empty of compassion, we continue to harm innocents. Empty of love, we break the hearts of some who would love us if we allowed them to. Empty of hate, we continue to forgive those who despitefully hurt us.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Unlike that rubber ball, some of us are empty of things tat cannot be replenished. Empty of compassion, we continue to harm innocents. Empty of love, we break the hearts of some who would love us if we allowed them to. Empty of hate, we continue to forgive those who despitefully hurt us.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
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Well, that certainly brightened up the day.