Reviews from

Coffee With Iris

Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Contact"
Two opposites meet and connect.

22 total reviews 
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Excellent
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I am tearing up. Sniffle sniffle, you can sure write,sniffle,sniffle,sniffle,sniffle,sniffle,sniffle,sniffle,sniffle,sniffle,sniffle,sniffle,sniffle,sniffle,sniffle,sniffle,sniffle,sniffle,sniffle,sniffle,sniffle,sniffle,sniffle,sniffle, Karen

 Comment Written 12-Aug-2023


reply by the author on 12-Aug-2023
    Thank you. Gretchen
reply by Karen Cherry Threadgill on 12-Aug-2023
    welcome
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Excellent
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WAAAAAAHHHHHHH!! I hate you so much right now, Gretchen Hargis!!! Please don't break my heart. Iris is so special, and Jameson needs her SOOO much!! (I am SOO glad I waited to read this when I could read it en masse!! I would NOT have been okay to read this with seven days in-between each chapter!!!)

Which reminds me...how in the HELL do you write two consecutive books? You're, like, James Patterson or something!!!

xoxoxoox

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2023


reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
    I wrote this novella last year, before I got back on Fanstory. When I got that 100 bucks for June recognized writer, I decided to post it. So far so good. Terry Joe is a work in progress. Thanks so much. Gretchen
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Excellent
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Oh no! I feel sorry for both Iris and Jameson. They've just met each other and a clear bond has formed. Iris is right about Jameson going to see a lawyer, he must if he wants to carry on seeing his son. I don't trust his wife. Another excellent chapter is this lovely story. :))Sandra xx

 Comment Written 03-Jul-2023


reply by the author on 03-Jul-2023
    They are both going to feel some heartbreak. Him more than her. Thank you so much. Gretchen
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Excellent
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Oh no! I feel sorry for both Iris and Jameson. They've just met each other and a clear bond has formed. Iris is right about Jameson going to see a lawyer, he must if he wants to carry on seeing his son. I don't trust his wife. Another excellent chapter is this lovely story. :))Sandra xx

 Comment Written 03-Jul-2023


reply by the author on 03-Jul-2023
    Thank you for this. I appreciate this awesome review. Gretchen. P.s. love your profile pic.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Excellent
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This is a very clever story being conveyed through this conversation between Jameson and Iris. The dialogue is excellently done bringing both the characters to life and the narrative of the prose. It is deeply poignant especially on the part of Iris but also Jameson who is so anguished, indecisive and clutching at any possibility to get his life back again. Well done Gretchen! This is deserving of a 6* but sadly I have none - so please accept a virtual one for now. Debbie

 Comment Written 30-Jun-2023


reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
    I'll take the six virtually ir otherwise. Lol. I'm just very happy you enjoyed it. Thanks so much for this awesome review. Gretchen
Comment from jmdg1954
Excellent
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These two, Jameson and Iris are having to lean on each other more now then ever. Jameson took the harder blow with the news from Iris.

This continues to develop nicely.

Cheers.
John

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2023


reply by the author on 29-Jun-2023
    Thank you, John. I appreciate your kind review. Gretchen
Comment from rama devi
Excellent
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I missed some chapters but had no trouble getting pulled back in to the story. That's a sign of good writing! Strong emotional overtones in the closing. I just love both your characters. Good people.

This is well paced and has fine descriptive detail.

A few critique notes:


* Not sad or depressed acting, per se, but not her usual self.

Suggest moving ACTING:

Not acting sad or depressed, per se, but not her usual self.

From the context, readers knows who speaks, so both these speech tags are unnecessary:

"How was your weekend? " I ask.

"Truly exciting," she says.

*but one look at her face(,) and I see that she is.

* I can't help but wonder how Iris made it(,) day after day.

* But, what helped me the most, was hearing a man who had lost his wife
Those commas are not required. I suggest:

But what helped me the most was hearing a man who had lost his wife

*Her eyes look wet(,) but no tear escapes.

* But,(NO COMMA) it takes two willing people to make a marriage work."

*Suggest trimming this speech tag:

She's smiling but won't look me in the eye. "Iris, is everything okay?" I ask.

I enjoyed this, dear.

May not read all chapters, but I'll visit when I can...

Warmly, rd


 Comment Written 28-Jun-2023


reply by the author on 28-Jun-2023
    I do love to see when you have reviewed my work. It's not strictly editing. It's the full Monty (you cover everything, grammar, spelling, pacing, and you tell me how it feels and makes you feel.) I appreciate all the time and thought you put into this. Thank you. Gretchen
reply by rama devi on 29-Jun-2023
    Aw, thank you, dear Gretchen. That's how reviewing should always be! Wish more people did it that way.

    Big warm smiles,
    rd
Comment from royowen
Excellent
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Poor Jameson, just when he gets someone to lean on, a confidante to share his distress, his life is a little tattered, Iris comes out with this shocking, two people who have need of one another, she gives him the news, beautifully written Gretchen, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 27-Jun-2023


reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
    Thanks, Roy. I'm hoping the story of the budding friendship outweighs the sadness. Gretchen
reply by royowen on 27-Jun-2023
    Me too
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent
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Petri and Iris make such good friends couple. I'm sad Iris may die so soon, just when Jameson was getting to know her. Petri has to deal with a lot of loss. I wonder if a heart transplant would work.

I enjoyed reading this chapter. It's just the right length. It's also very engaging and the characters are lovable. Well done!

 Comment Written 27-Jun-2023


reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
    Thanks so much. I think Iris is learning to accept her fate. Thank you for this. Gretchen
Comment from Ulla
Excellent
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Hi Gretchen, this was a very moving write. I know I've only come into the story but I follow on just fine. Iris needs Jameson and he needs her. But now she reveals her life has cone to an end. Very emotional and well written. Ulla:)))

 Comment Written 27-Jun-2023


reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
    Thank you so much. I'm glad you were able to figure out what was going on. Gretchen