Coffee With Iris
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Mothering Mode"Two opposites meet and connect.
21 total reviews
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Still very good. I admire people who can write novels. I am a short story writer. I wrote a rather long short story, which everyone says should be a novel, but, I am stymied. I have written poems and short stories all my life, but, a novel? How did you start on your first novel? On to chapter three. This stuff is great.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2023
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Still very good. I admire people who can write novels. I am a short story writer. I wrote a rather long short story, which everyone says should be a novel, but, I am stymied. I have written poems and short stories all my life, but, a novel? How did you start on your first novel? On to chapter three. This stuff is great.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2023
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If you can do a short story you can do a novel. You can have your main story, then various subplots. Adding more characters. I never plan stuff out. I meet my character and let them lead. Some novels are long, some are short. Some have all loose ends tied up. Some have things that can lead to subsequent stories. Every one has their own thing and way of doing things. Write short and get used to critique. Ask for help. And read, reread and study those reviews that make you feel like you don't know what you're doing. Those are the best reviews. I'm glad you like this. Gretchen
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thanks for the advice. Karen
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Just two chapters in, and I absolutely both people this book is about. This reminds me of Tuesdays with Morrie, which I NEVER wanted to end. Like I said, I just know I am going to love this book (too.) xoxoxo
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Just two chapters in, and I absolutely both people this book is about. This reminds me of Tuesdays with Morrie, which I NEVER wanted to end. Like I said, I just know I am going to love this book (too.) xoxoxo
Comment Written 16-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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I loved Tuesdays with Morrie. That had me ugly crying throughout. I'm honored you put my name in the same sentence. Glad you are liking this. Gretchen
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This book has a unique approach. It gives a fresh feel to everything happening. I'm sure Iris would be saddened to know many youth of today will not have had the simple enjoyment outside as some readers here & I have had. A sweet description for imagery: "He has a sweet smile. It starts in his eyes then covers every inch of his face." The reader can trace the lines. The ending is a great segue into the next perspective.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2023
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This book has a unique approach. It gives a fresh feel to everything happening. I'm sure Iris would be saddened to know many youth of today will not have had the simple enjoyment outside as some readers here & I have had. A sweet description for imagery: "He has a sweet smile. It starts in his eyes then covers every inch of his face." The reader can trace the lines. The ending is a great segue into the next perspective.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2023
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Thank you very much. I am a reader who likes to chose the imagery for whatever I'm reading. I usually try not to saturate my writing with too many details . Thank you for this awesome review. Gretchen
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***Smile***
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Great work
Comment from Sankey
Sorry I've taken so long to get to this. Still an interesting story. I have a bit of a battle sorting third person or whatever. One thing to look at. EITHER Iris and become(s) friends
OR Iris and (they)become friends
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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Sorry I've taken so long to get to this. Still an interesting story. I have a bit of a battle sorting third person or whatever. One thing to look at. EITHER Iris and become(s) friends
OR Iris and (they)become friends
Comment Written 16-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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Thanks for spotting that. Each chapter is one character's point of view. I put the name at the top of the chapter. Hope that helps. Gretchen
Comment from JSD
Again, most notable is the way you simultaneously take us through naturalistic dialogue and inside the heads of your protagonists. You have a rare skill.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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Again, most notable is the way you simultaneously take us through naturalistic dialogue and inside the heads of your protagonists. You have a rare skill.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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Awe. Thank you. I love a dialogue driven story. I'm not big on descriptions. Let the reader see what they want. Lol. Thanks for this awesome review. Gretchen
Comment from pome lover
this must be the second chapter. For some reason, Iris thinks Claire and Jameson are married, or maybe they are, but from the chapter I just read, I just thought they were going together and she's avoiding him. Maybe that wasn't the first chapter. I'd better go back to your portfolio.
At any rate I like this story. Just need to get it in order.
Katharine
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2023
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this must be the second chapter. For some reason, Iris thinks Claire and Jameson are married, or maybe they are, but from the chapter I just read, I just thought they were going together and she's avoiding him. Maybe that wasn't the first chapter. I'd better go back to your portfolio.
At any rate I like this story. Just need to get it in order.
Katharine
Comment Written 13-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2023
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Thanks, Katherine. I'm glad you like it. It's just a short novella but it was fun to write. This is the second installment. So you're right on track. Gretchen
Comment from rama devi
Hi Gretchen!
Nice to read about these characters again. Id like to meet Iris. What a considerate lady, giving him space to share or not share. I like the closing note. Good deep POV.
Glad I have time to review today, as I want to spend time with Iris too! Also, this does need a few editing tweaks. Suggestions noted below.
NOTES
Please note that in your background summary, you have a sudden shift to past tense:
So far, Jameson's dog, Heston, escapes the house and runs towards the center of town. Luckily, Heston stops in front of an older woman named Iris. After talking with her for a few minutes, Jameson invited her for coffee.
Suggest: change to
Jameson INVITES
* my younger brother, John(,) and I would run through the fields.
This section stays in past tense when it needs to shift back to present tense:
I probably shouldn't have but I laughed when people screamed in terror as he raced through the town square. Despite his enormous size, I could tell he was still a pup.
Still, I felt bad for his owner. He was expecting a chewing out or a lecture at the least.
Also, the last sentence has HE after mentioning the owner, so the reader may not realize on first read that the HE refers to the dog.
EDIT to present tense and fixing that last line too:
I probably shouldn't, but I laugh when people scream in terror as he races through the town square. Despite his enormous size, I can tell he is still a pup.
Still, I feel bad for his owner. The dog expects a chewing out or a lecture at the least.
* It's as if,(NO COMMA) he's watching the world around him fall apart.
* Two hundred for my prescription(,) and fourteen ninety-nine for a leash for Heston.
*"Currently(,) I'm doing some data entry work. It's part time, but the money isn't too bad."
*
He nods as he stares absently at his hands.
Optional tightening suggestion:
He nods, staring absently at his hands.
I enjoyed this short chapter. Curious where it is going...
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2023
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Hi Gretchen!
Nice to read about these characters again. Id like to meet Iris. What a considerate lady, giving him space to share or not share. I like the closing note. Good deep POV.
Glad I have time to review today, as I want to spend time with Iris too! Also, this does need a few editing tweaks. Suggestions noted below.
NOTES
Please note that in your background summary, you have a sudden shift to past tense:
So far, Jameson's dog, Heston, escapes the house and runs towards the center of town. Luckily, Heston stops in front of an older woman named Iris. After talking with her for a few minutes, Jameson invited her for coffee.
Suggest: change to
Jameson INVITES
* my younger brother, John(,) and I would run through the fields.
This section stays in past tense when it needs to shift back to present tense:
I probably shouldn't have but I laughed when people screamed in terror as he raced through the town square. Despite his enormous size, I could tell he was still a pup.
Still, I felt bad for his owner. He was expecting a chewing out or a lecture at the least.
Also, the last sentence has HE after mentioning the owner, so the reader may not realize on first read that the HE refers to the dog.
EDIT to present tense and fixing that last line too:
I probably shouldn't, but I laugh when people scream in terror as he races through the town square. Despite his enormous size, I can tell he is still a pup.
Still, I feel bad for his owner. The dog expects a chewing out or a lecture at the least.
* It's as if,(NO COMMA) he's watching the world around him fall apart.
* Two hundred for my prescription(,) and fourteen ninety-nine for a leash for Heston.
*"Currently(,) I'm doing some data entry work. It's part time, but the money isn't too bad."
*
He nods as he stares absently at his hands.
Optional tightening suggestion:
He nods, staring absently at his hands.
I enjoyed this short chapter. Curious where it is going...
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 13-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2023
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Thank you, thank you, thank you. I always flip tenses. I'm working on it. Going to edit now. Gretchen
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It's okay - you can always hire an editor (me!) to fix those nits before you publish. You're writing has improved a lot, dear xx00
Comment from cat frenette
Ooohhh! I'm going to love this one.
You have a very comfortable way with words. Your story flows smoothly without a extra bunch of syrupy, meaningless words involved.
I like a story that allows my brain to see it like a movie as I read, rather than just a series of sentences, and yours does exactly that.
You've introduced a little anxiety making me want to find out what the characters stories are. I look forward to your next chapter.!
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2023
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Ooohhh! I'm going to love this one.
You have a very comfortable way with words. Your story flows smoothly without a extra bunch of syrupy, meaningless words involved.
I like a story that allows my brain to see it like a movie as I read, rather than just a series of sentences, and yours does exactly that.
You've introduced a little anxiety making me want to find out what the characters stories are. I look forward to your next chapter.!
Comment Written 13-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2023
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Thanks, Cat. I'm so glad you like this. There is always that anxiety when posting something new. Gretchen
Comment from royowen
I feel you may have a soft spot for life's urchins, for those young people you're able to sow some kindness into, I tend to be a little on the fringe, I'm a literalist, which can make one unpopular, but I won't change to please the populace, I think that's why I write, as do you dear Gretchen. Love this, blessings Roy
Typo : pe(e)king her head up...
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2023
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I feel you may have a soft spot for life's urchins, for those young people you're able to sow some kindness into, I tend to be a little on the fringe, I'm a literalist, which can make one unpopular, but I won't change to please the populace, I think that's why I write, as do you dear Gretchen. Love this, blessings Roy
Typo : pe(e)king her head up...
Comment Written 13-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2023
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I have been known to take in a young person or two. Lol. Thank you Roy. I'm a very suspicious person, but I go by gut reaction. It's always right. Gretchen
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Yes, when my kids were young, we took in a couple of worthy youths, who were studying, a boy, and later a girl, thrown out by parents, hey are both very successful in marriage and careers, and are still our friends, though now mature with their own respective families, and both exceptional parents. I think it was a God thing.
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It brought my own family closer when we took in one of my children's friends. He moved out of state but comes to visit once a year and calls and texts regularly. We were lucky to have him for those few years.
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Yes, we intervened when it was necessary, good on you.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Iris is a wonderful person I can tell. She will break down that barrier Jameson has around himself. I am really liking this story. Thank you for sharing it with us.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2023
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Iris is a wonderful person I can tell. She will break down that barrier Jameson has around himself. I am really liking this story. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2023
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Of course. I love to share my writing. I'm sure you feel the same. Lol. She will go mom/friend on him. True enough. Gretchen
