The Red Door
Do you dare step through the Red Door? Some do.26 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Barry,
This seems a good start to a story for the contest. I could be a chapter of a book. This proves the saying, "You can't judge a book by its cover,
Hank is a bit strange and how did he train the rats. Is it because he is a psychologist by trade.
I think you don't need the around after 'intended intruder or the a lot after 'puts them off'. You can also say "I had your car moved to the back of my house because you were parked there for more than an hour.
Congrats on the win.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
  |
Hi Barry,
This seems a good start to a story for the contest. I could be a chapter of a book. This proves the saying, "You can't judge a book by its cover,
Hank is a bit strange and how did he train the rats. Is it because he is a psychologist by trade.
I think you don't need the around after 'intended intruder or the a lot after 'puts them off'. You can also say "I had your car moved to the back of my house because you were parked there for more than an hour.
Congrats on the win.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan
Comment Written 27-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
-
Joan,
Thanks for taking the time to review my story. Glad you enjoyed it and obviously I was happy for the win. Thanks also for the suggestions as to amendment. Will there be a follow up. Maybe.
Please take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry
-
You are most welcome, Barry. Hope there is.
Joan
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This is a strong example of juxtaposition: "It was overgrown, but still held a powerful presence."
This will draw the reader in: "What had gone wrong? Surely, someone would have snapped it up, if it were for sale?" A good foreshadowing:
"Was this one a warning?" The reader is leaning forward: "his view was filled with two boot toe tips." & "Tom had never confronted anything like this." Well done
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
|
This is a strong example of juxtaposition: "It was overgrown, but still held a powerful presence."
This will draw the reader in: "What had gone wrong? Surely, someone would have snapped it up, if it were for sale?" A good foreshadowing:
"Was this one a warning?" The reader is leaning forward: "his view was filled with two boot toe tips." & "Tom had never confronted anything like this." Well done
Comment Written 26-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
-
Liz,
Thanks for your review. Glad you enjoyed it. It was one that flowed well from the start. Will there be a follow up? If I get my brain to focus, I think there will be.
Take care and have a lovely day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
-
I will keep a look out for it by fanning you.
-
oh, that is nice of you. Looks like the pressure is on to do the follow up, Thanks
-
LOL
Comment from jim vecchio
Wonder what happens next? A valiant effort in storytelling. I do think some of the language could flow a mite better. Also, punctuation-Six paragraphs before the final paragraph, there should bea comma after 'guarantee' aqnd after 'Tom'.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
|
Wonder what happens next? A valiant effort in storytelling. I do think some of the language could flow a mite better. Also, punctuation-Six paragraphs before the final paragraph, there should bea comma after 'guarantee' aqnd after 'Tom'.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
-
Thanks for the review. Also, thanks for the recommended amendments. Much appreciated. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from damommy
Wow! What a story. I was hooked all the way through. I hope there will be more to this and this is a first chapter. it's just creepy enough to give a big thrill without being gory. Great job.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
|
Wow! What a story. I was hooked all the way through. I hope there will be more to this and this is a first chapter. it's just creepy enough to give a big thrill without being gory. Great job.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
-
Thanks for your review. I am glad you enjoyed it. Will there be more ? I think so. In the meantime, please take care and have a great day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from LJbutterfly
Congratulations on your well deserved win. Your story is a mysteriously captivating tale that captured the true meaning of the contest. Your story is all about the house, from beginning to end. Some stories in the contest started with the required sentence but moved on to other subjects. Well done.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
|
Congratulations on your well deserved win. Your story is a mysteriously captivating tale that captured the true meaning of the contest. Your story is all about the house, from beginning to end. Some stories in the contest started with the required sentence but moved on to other subjects. Well done.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
-
Thanks for your review. Glad you enjoyed the story and of course I am happy to take a win. Will there be a follow up? We will wait and see. In the meantime, take care and have a great day.
Regards,
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A fine story and I hung onto your every word here, you entertained me and also, congratulations on your super win, so well deserved Barry. Love Dolly x x x x
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
|
A fine story and I hung onto your every word here, you entertained me and also, congratulations on your super win, so well deserved Barry. Love Dolly x x x x
Comment Written 24-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2023
-
Dolly,
Thanks for the review. Yes, I am glad how the story flowed. Will there be a follow up? I think so. Anyway, take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry x
Comment from Carlos' girl
This is very Good work. Seamless writing with no spelling or grammatical errors. Interesting it holds the reader's attention throughout. The picture used for illustration reminds me of redrum spelled backwards lol
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2023
|
This is very Good work. Seamless writing with no spelling or grammatical errors. Interesting it holds the reader's attention throughout. The picture used for illustration reminds me of redrum spelled backwards lol
Comment Written 23-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2023
-
Thanks for the review. Glad you enjoyed it. Wow, would not have got that out of the image. Good for you. Take care and have a great day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Theresa Honnigford
Congratulations. This was an interesting story throughout. The image drew me in, but the story captivated me. Interesting characters also. Nice work. Theresa H.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2023
 |
Congratulations. This was an interesting story throughout. The image drew me in, but the story captivated me. Interesting characters also. Nice work. Theresa H.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2023
-
Theresa,
Thanks so much for the six star review. Glad you enjoyed the story and thanks for the Congratulations. The story was one that just sort of flowed into what it eventually became. As to a follow up. That is very likely. Take care and have a great day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
-
Thank you.
Comment from Contests
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2023
|
 A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry. |
Comment Written 22-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2023
-
Wow. Seven stars. I will treasure this one.
Cheers
Barry Penfold
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was excellent! I hope you continue with this, it could go so many ways. It's a bit creepy, but unless you have some ideas concerning the rats, (which I hate) I'm sure it will be a fabulous one. Even if I was a reporter, you'd never see me go into an empty house like that, alone! Well done, and good luck in the contest! :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2023
|
That was excellent! I hope you continue with this, it could go so many ways. It's a bit creepy, but unless you have some ideas concerning the rats, (which I hate) I'm sure it will be a fabulous one. Even if I was a reporter, you'd never see me go into an empty house like that, alone! Well done, and good luck in the contest! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 20-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2023
-
Sandra,
Thanks so much for taking time to read and review my story. Glad you liked it (despite the rats.) I am inclined to think I will do up more. As you say, anything can happen. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.