Jeff & Slim & The Red Worms Pt.1
Two western figures5 total reviews
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
The story you told here was interesting, and there was some good writing in there, notably pace. However, although there was the potential for emotion, I didn't feel this come through and there was very little character development. Also:
Driving him to sing a peculiar little ditty that reflected his fixation. > there is no complete verb form in this sentence. Either merge with the preceding one, or change 'driving' to 'This drove'
Be careful to always open and close speech marks correctly.
All the best, kay
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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The story you told here was interesting, and there was some good writing in there, notably pace. However, although there was the potential for emotion, I didn't feel this come through and there was very little character development. Also:
Driving him to sing a peculiar little ditty that reflected his fixation. > there is no complete verb form in this sentence. Either merge with the preceding one, or change 'driving' to 'This drove'
Be careful to always open and close speech marks correctly.
All the best, kay
Comment Written 15-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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I agree there is no C-D, and in a way, I pushed this out that way, with a story only... because this was really meant for the person to whom I wrote this about.. as a play on his character in footnotes... Thanks Kay. For the other Corrections thank you.. Bill
Comment from JSD
A really good yarn. I love your descriptive skills and the dialogue zips along with such pace this is so easy to read. You also introduce such an unusual subject to the reader. Most enjoyable. Thank you.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2023
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A really good yarn. I love your descriptive skills and the dialogue zips along with such pace this is so easy to read. You also introduce such an unusual subject to the reader. Most enjoyable. Thank you.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2023
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Thanks, John glad you liked ... nice complements...
You take care...Bill Hager
Comment from Douglas Goff
This was a fun one!
Couple of small fine tunes:
"Well, it appears I am out of work, and Yes, I will be much obliged to you and your kind offer. I was a Master Blaster back in West Virginia.
(Decapitalize 'yes')
So the two became friends and worked like dogs for 6 months at Jeff's mine�??�?�¢?"the Wahooo.
(Weird symbols???)
"What in the hell happened in there?" Said Slim as he climbed down." Lighting and thunder shot out from the mine, like the 4th of July, then I hightailed it up here, just before the sheep."
(decap 'Said')
"I thought you checked him? Well, Slim, you Chump! There goes all our gold
(Decap 'Chump")
Very entertaining! I enjoyed this. Keep up the great work!
D
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2023
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This was a fun one!
Couple of small fine tunes:
"Well, it appears I am out of work, and Yes, I will be much obliged to you and your kind offer. I was a Master Blaster back in West Virginia.
(Decapitalize 'yes')
So the two became friends and worked like dogs for 6 months at Jeff's mine�??�?�¢?"the Wahooo.
(Weird symbols???)
"What in the hell happened in there?" Said Slim as he climbed down." Lighting and thunder shot out from the mine, like the 4th of July, then I hightailed it up here, just before the sheep."
(decap 'Said')
"I thought you checked him? Well, Slim, you Chump! There goes all our gold
(Decap 'Chump")
Very entertaining! I enjoyed this. Keep up the great work!
D
Comment Written 12-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2023
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Thank you for the corrections and review for fun and entertaining comments.... thanks Bill
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Always glad to help out the strong writers. Good story!
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How nice... if you are into poetry, I wrote this years ago... https://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?hd=1&id=599079
Comment from Melodie Michelle
Excellent story and it was so interesting and captivating that it helps my attention throughout the entire story! The characters interacted perfectly throughout.
Thank you for sharing this well written story and may God bless you and your family!
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2023
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Excellent story and it was so interesting and captivating that it helps my attention throughout the entire story! The characters interacted perfectly throughout.
Thank you for sharing this well written story and may God bless you and your family!
Comment Written 06-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2023
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To you and yours God Bless... had fun writing this, glad it came across pulling you along... thanks for the review... bill
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;-)
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A fascinating story, loved the unusual language used and your inventive tale of these two hapless men on the rampage. A fun story and I was entertained.
Just one edit spotted here:
Slim was (a) infamous rogue dentist/flim-flam man who dressed like the legendary cowboy, Pecos Bill.
Love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2023
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A fascinating story, loved the unusual language used and your inventive tale of these two hapless men on the rampage. A fun story and I was entertained.
Just one edit spotted here:
Slim was (a) infamous rogue dentist/flim-flam man who dressed like the legendary cowboy, Pecos Bill.
Love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 06-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2023
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Thanks Dolly also for Your fun review. Its always exciting writing these things as the reviews are usually a kick. Sometimes different perspectives startle me and make me wonder; is that what I said or meant... never thought about it like that and so on.. Anyway big hug,,, Bill
