A Bathroom Situation
My man got cross.15 total reviews
Comment from Mary Vigasin
Congratulations on your win. This was so funny. I have been swamped with reviews, and also stuff has kept me from keeping up, and I am behind. So I am sorry I did not see this sooner. I bet so many of us can relate. I will confess I have used his razor. It is so much sharper than mine.
Congratulations again.
Best Wishes,
Mary
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Congratulations on your win. This was so funny. I have been swamped with reviews, and also stuff has kept me from keeping up, and I am behind. So I am sorry I did not see this sooner. I bet so many of us can relate. I will confess I have used his razor. It is so much sharper than mine.
Congratulations again.
Best Wishes,
Mary
Comment Written 27-May-2023
Comment from kiwisteveh
Cute! I understand the dilemma. My wife and I have agreed to share razors, but they're only throw away ones and she gets to determine when to pluck a new one from the pack.
Your 'Bathroom Situation' title reminded me of my own 'Bathroom Incident' one of the first poems I posted here which means it was twelve years ago...
It's a bit long, but enjoy!
O, gentle reader, if ye be male,
Beware! The ending to this tale
May cause a shock, a tic, a judder,
Or worse, involuntary shudder.
On the other hand, the fairer sex,
(Those with chromosome double X),
May on the floor with laughter die
With teardrops streaming from each eye.
My yarn begins in harmless style;
I had not showered for a while.
Sweat and dirt and caked on grime
And pungent odour proclaimed, "It's time!"
So off to the bathroom I did trot,
Turned on the taps, both cold and hot.
The streaming jets at once did spurt,
As I removed my pants and shirt.
In the maelstrom I'd created
My weary body luxuriated.
I shampooed, soaped and shower-gelled too
Till slather-lather bubbles flew.
An age I plied the cleansing art
And scrubbed and rinsed each body part
Till flushed and pink like a beauty queen,
I could proclaim, "I'm clean, I'm clean!"
The taps are turned, the torrent stilled,
Leaving just a pool where it was spilled.
A towel's at hand; before I grab it,
There's one more act, by force of habit.
From my body so clean and slick
The excess water I must flick.
First my tummy and then my back
And then each arm I did attack.
There's one part left as you will see,
The back of legs from arse to knee.
Now I'm not one to chatter, me,
But now we need some anatomy.
Do you recall the birds and bees-
The male and female properties?
And how, between the legs there lies,
A sensitive package unique to guys?
The penile shaft, that masculine totem
And the sensitive sack they label 'scrotum'?
All nerve endings are centred here
With guilt and pleasure and pain and fear.
Some say, "Size, it doesn't count.
Well maybe just the least amount."
But I'll admit to being proud
To be one of the truly well-endowed.
"Vive la difference!" they say,
But that's what caused the tears that day,
For flying fingers floorwards flashing,
Struck the sack, and my world came crashing.
Oh what a truly grievous error,
Before the pain a sense of terror;
Then agony struck like a lightning bolt,
A fierce, intense, electric jolt.
Blood-curdling is too weak a word
To describe the shriek that then was heard.
Down the leafy suburban street,
Dogs leaped startled to their feet.
Neighbours to their doors did rush
To spy what shattered the Sunday hush,
Terrified birds flew from their nests,
Mothers clutched infants to their breasts.
Windows shattered, alarm bells clanged,
Old deaf folk muttered, "I'll be danged!"
Through city blocks it penetrated,
Round ragged rooftops reverberated.
On bathroom tiles, I still was lying,
Whining, whinging, whimpering, crying.
My darling, 'She who must be obeyed',
Investigated the racket made,
Surveyed my pitiful cringing plight,
And tenderly asked, "Are you alright?"
I told my tale and shortly after
More screams were heard, this time of laughter.
It seems no sympathy avails
To one who's so far off the rails
For breaking one of life's golden rules:
'You must always protect the family jewels.'
Steve
|
Cute! I understand the dilemma. My wife and I have agreed to share razors, but they're only throw away ones and she gets to determine when to pluck a new one from the pack.
Your 'Bathroom Situation' title reminded me of my own 'Bathroom Incident' one of the first poems I posted here which means it was twelve years ago...
It's a bit long, but enjoy!
O, gentle reader, if ye be male,
Beware! The ending to this tale
May cause a shock, a tic, a judder,
Or worse, involuntary shudder.
On the other hand, the fairer sex,
(Those with chromosome double X),
May on the floor with laughter die
With teardrops streaming from each eye.
My yarn begins in harmless style;
I had not showered for a while.
Sweat and dirt and caked on grime
And pungent odour proclaimed, "It's time!"
So off to the bathroom I did trot,
Turned on the taps, both cold and hot.
The streaming jets at once did spurt,
As I removed my pants and shirt.
In the maelstrom I'd created
My weary body luxuriated.
I shampooed, soaped and shower-gelled too
Till slather-lather bubbles flew.
An age I plied the cleansing art
And scrubbed and rinsed each body part
Till flushed and pink like a beauty queen,
I could proclaim, "I'm clean, I'm clean!"
The taps are turned, the torrent stilled,
Leaving just a pool where it was spilled.
A towel's at hand; before I grab it,
There's one more act, by force of habit.
From my body so clean and slick
The excess water I must flick.
First my tummy and then my back
And then each arm I did attack.
There's one part left as you will see,
The back of legs from arse to knee.
Now I'm not one to chatter, me,
But now we need some anatomy.
Do you recall the birds and bees-
The male and female properties?
And how, between the legs there lies,
A sensitive package unique to guys?
The penile shaft, that masculine totem
And the sensitive sack they label 'scrotum'?
All nerve endings are centred here
With guilt and pleasure and pain and fear.
Some say, "Size, it doesn't count.
Well maybe just the least amount."
But I'll admit to being proud
To be one of the truly well-endowed.
"Vive la difference!" they say,
But that's what caused the tears that day,
For flying fingers floorwards flashing,
Struck the sack, and my world came crashing.
Oh what a truly grievous error,
Before the pain a sense of terror;
Then agony struck like a lightning bolt,
A fierce, intense, electric jolt.
Blood-curdling is too weak a word
To describe the shriek that then was heard.
Down the leafy suburban street,
Dogs leaped startled to their feet.
Neighbours to their doors did rush
To spy what shattered the Sunday hush,
Terrified birds flew from their nests,
Mothers clutched infants to their breasts.
Windows shattered, alarm bells clanged,
Old deaf folk muttered, "I'll be danged!"
Through city blocks it penetrated,
Round ragged rooftops reverberated.
On bathroom tiles, I still was lying,
Whining, whinging, whimpering, crying.
My darling, 'She who must be obeyed',
Investigated the racket made,
Surveyed my pitiful cringing plight,
And tenderly asked, "Are you alright?"
I told my tale and shortly after
More screams were heard, this time of laughter.
It seems no sympathy avails
To one who's so far off the rails
For breaking one of life's golden rules:
'You must always protect the family jewels.'
Steve
Comment Written 19-May-2023
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hahaha... I can relate. Your poem is funny, I love it. Congratulations on your contest winning.
The rhymes and meter are not forced and they flow well.
the structure makes sense, it draws on emotions and it presents strong images.
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason" -- Novalis
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Hahaha... I can relate. Your poem is funny, I love it. Congratulations on your contest winning.
The rhymes and meter are not forced and they flow well.
the structure makes sense, it draws on emotions and it presents strong images.
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason" -- Novalis
Comment Written 19-May-2023
Comment from lyenochka
Lol! The poem sounded like a horror story from the start and then you played the suspense to release the humor. Great job! Congratulations on the win!!
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Lol! The poem sounded like a horror story from the start and then you played the suspense to release the humor. Great job! Congratulations on the win!!
Comment Written 19-May-2023
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I've also been in this situation and I prefer a feminine razor anyway. You made me smile with your ranting post here, good luck with the contest, love Dolly x x x
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I've also been in this situation and I prefer a feminine razor anyway. You made me smile with your ranting post here, good luck with the contest, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 19-May-2023
Comment from Wendy G
Lol. Well you created a fine poem about a situation that was probably not funny at the time. Well done. Fine rhyme and metre.
Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
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Lol. Well you created a fine poem about a situation that was probably not funny at the time. Well done. Fine rhyme and metre.
Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 18-May-2023
Comment from redlemurick
Nice rhyme; nice twist at end - paints a picture and actually a setup, development and resolution. I think it meets funny not funny lol. Really good!
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Nice rhyme; nice twist at end - paints a picture and actually a setup, development and resolution. I think it meets funny not funny lol. Really good!
Comment Written 18-May-2023
Comment from Debi Pick Marquette
OMGosh I thought I had the one I was going to vote for picked, but now I am not so sure. This is wonderful. I didn't see the end coming and these are my favorite kind of poems that I too love to write. Ones w a twist at the end. I absolutely love it, and now I think you get my vote!
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OMGosh I thought I had the one I was going to vote for picked, but now I am not so sure. This is wonderful. I didn't see the end coming and these are my favorite kind of poems that I too love to write. Ones w a twist at the end. I absolutely love it, and now I think you get my vote!
Comment Written 18-May-2023
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
I also have used my husband's shaver. It helps if we don't need to buy an extra shaver or blades. Your partner must get angry; it's a bummer that he would get so frustrated. Your poem brings out the grumpy old man!
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I also have used my husband's shaver. It helps if we don't need to buy an extra shaver or blades. Your partner must get angry; it's a bummer that he would get so frustrated. Your poem brings out the grumpy old man!
Comment Written 18-May-2023
Comment from Monica Chaddick
This was a hilarious ending! I was captivated, because I didn't understand how the picture could be so cartoonish and the poem a bit terrifying, but then I got to the ending. Best of luck!
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This was a hilarious ending! I was captivated, because I didn't understand how the picture could be so cartoonish and the poem a bit terrifying, but then I got to the ending. Best of luck!
Comment Written 18-May-2023
