Two red tomatoes
A strange introduction29 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I guess David was a conman after all. I do have a question is the granddaughter's name Emily or Rosemary. Either I read wrong, or it switched in the story. Good luck with the contest.
Her Nan just laughed, "No, I'm not crazy, Dear....(period after 'laughed' it's not a speech tag)
They moved to the coffee tables and sat down. (you can omit 'down' it's understood)
"Looks like we'll all be meeting again tomorrow at the Retirement Village then," laughed David. (period after 'then' and capital 'L' on Laughed')
reply by the author on 15-May-2023
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Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I guess David was a conman after all. I do have a question is the granddaughter's name Emily or Rosemary. Either I read wrong, or it switched in the story. Good luck with the contest.
Her Nan just laughed, "No, I'm not crazy, Dear....(period after 'laughed' it's not a speech tag)
They moved to the coffee tables and sat down. (you can omit 'down' it's understood)
"Looks like we'll all be meeting again tomorrow at the Retirement Village then," laughed David. (period after 'then' and capital 'L' on Laughed')
Comment Written 15-May-2023
reply by the author on 15-May-2023
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Thank you for a lovely review. You are right re the names and I have corrected them. Thanks so much. I know it is implicit but in Australia we would always say "sat down". I appreciate your suggestions.
Wendy
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In the US during dialogue we normally use down, but not writing narrative.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
What a twist at the end! Well -written with clear font and good spacing. The dialogue is skilfully managed (never easy) adding credibility to the whole piece. I'm so glad it didn't have a happy ending as I was anticipating! Good luck in the contest. Debbie
reply by the author on 16-May-2023
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What a twist at the end! Well -written with clear font and good spacing. The dialogue is skilfully managed (never easy) adding credibility to the whole piece. I'm so glad it didn't have a happy ending as I was anticipating! Good luck in the contest. Debbie
Comment Written 15-May-2023
reply by the author on 16-May-2023
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Thanks so much Debbie. I am very happy that you enjoyed it. It needed the twist otherwise it would have been too "nice"! Lol.
Comment from Jesse James Doty
Wow, you had me going with this one! I didn't see the end coming at all! What with how you always write such positive uplifting prose I was surprised and a bit disappointed to read that David was a conman after all.
Thanks for sharing this enjoyable and perplexing read.
Jesse
reply by the author on 15-May-2023
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Wow, you had me going with this one! I didn't see the end coming at all! What with how you always write such positive uplifting prose I was surprised and a bit disappointed to read that David was a conman after all.
Thanks for sharing this enjoyable and perplexing read.
Jesse
Comment Written 15-May-2023
reply by the author on 15-May-2023
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Thanks for reviewing, Jesse. It is a fictional story, just using my imagination. So it can?t be too predictable. Also I do like to try and grow as a writer by trying different genres, and after all, life is full of conmen, so there is a moral to the story. I?m glad it made you think, and that you found it enjoyable even if disappointing. Thanks for the six wonderful stars. Always appreciated.
Wendy
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I am glad you are growing as a writer. And that you are trying different genres. It was enjoyable...but not what I was expecting.
Jesse
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That?s okay. I like to surprise people every so often. Cheers.
Wendy
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Good idea.
Jesse
Comment from Verna Cole Mitchell
Wow! This was an excellent story until the ending. Then it became out-standing. Just, wow! What was going along like a smooth little love story rocketed into surprise ending. Shame on Grandma for starting it all!
reply by the author on 15-May-2023
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Wow! This was an excellent story until the ending. Then it became out-standing. Just, wow! What was going along like a smooth little love story rocketed into surprise ending. Shame on Grandma for starting it all!
Comment Written 15-May-2023
reply by the author on 15-May-2023
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Lol. Thanks so much for this super review and six stars. The funny thing is that the cautious suspicious granddaughter was also taken in. There?s a lesson in there somewhere!
Wendy
Comment from LisaMay
Your story had shades of my own brief prose story, 'The Matchmaker', posted recently. Your story took the introduction along much further to an actual marriage, told in a developing sweetness of happy coincidence and seemingly mutual attraction and family bliss. However, the story culminates in the dark side of human nature - greed and betrayal - and leaves a bad taste in the mouth and gloom in the reader's heart. Great writing to elicit emotions, and pointing out that 'if something sounds too good to be true'...
You used your personal unnecessary word hyphen again: some-one (someone).
reply by the author on 16-May-2023
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Your story had shades of my own brief prose story, 'The Matchmaker', posted recently. Your story took the introduction along much further to an actual marriage, told in a developing sweetness of happy coincidence and seemingly mutual attraction and family bliss. However, the story culminates in the dark side of human nature - greed and betrayal - and leaves a bad taste in the mouth and gloom in the reader's heart. Great writing to elicit emotions, and pointing out that 'if something sounds too good to be true'...
You used your personal unnecessary word hyphen again: some-one (someone).
Comment Written 15-May-2023
reply by the author on 16-May-2023
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Ah thank you. I have fixed the hyphen. I?ll have to reread "the matchmaker". I remember it being good and that I voted for it.
The other moral for Rosemary would be to trust her gut. They were both taken in.
Thanks for reviewing. Much appreciated.
Wendy
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Wherever did you come to that ending? Did someone hack into your post and switch the last paragraph? Or are you finally showing your true, deviant self? (huge grinny face here)
I don't know if I'm going to wish you to win the contest, or not!
(huge winky face here)
reply by the author on 16-May-2023
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Wherever did you come to that ending? Did someone hack into your post and switch the last paragraph? Or are you finally showing your true, deviant self? (huge grinny face here)
I don't know if I'm going to wish you to win the contest, or not!
(huge winky face here)
Comment Written 15-May-2023
reply by the author on 16-May-2023
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Lol. My deviant self. It was going to be a sweet love story, then I thought it was too sweet and needed a bit more drama. Lol. The traditional twist. Thanks for your fun review. Greatly appreciated.
Wendy
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a sweet endearing story Wendy and I adore happy endings and you did not disappoint me here with this romantic story, much enjoyed, love Dolly x x x x
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reply by the author on 16-May-2023
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This is a sweet endearing story Wendy and I adore happy endings and you did not disappoint me here with this romantic story, much enjoyed, love Dolly x x x x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-May-2023
reply by the author on 16-May-2023
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Thanks Dolly. I always appreciate your reviews.
Wendy
Comment from Paul McFarland
Come on, Wendy!!! I shouldn't give you six stars. I had tears in my eyes - hence the six stars, but then you lowered the boom. This has to be one the most disappointing stories I have ever read.
reply by the author on 16-May-2023
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Come on, Wendy!!! I shouldn't give you six stars. I had tears in my eyes - hence the six stars, but then you lowered the boom. This has to be one the most disappointing stories I have ever read.
Comment Written 15-May-2023
reply by the author on 16-May-2023
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Disappointing because he was a conman, or because you wanted a happy ending? Hopefully not disappointing because of a badly written ending!
Thank you so much for the six stars. I appreciate them greatly. 😊
Wendy
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Both.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Ouch. I had a feeling he was a conman from the beginning but then you changed my mind for a time until I read the end. Amen. He was a purloined shyster, wasn't he?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-May-2023
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Ouch. I had a feeling he was a conman from the beginning but then you changed my mind for a time until I read the end. Amen. He was a purloined shyster, wasn't he?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-May-2023
reply by the author on 16-May-2023
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Yes, he was a baddie, and Rosemary should have trusted her gut. Thanks so much for reviewing. You were right about him.
Wendy
