Bound By Our Sins
2nd Place34 total reviews
Comment from John Ciarmello
Douglas, I have to say I didn't know where this was going until the BITTER end!
You're imaginative characters and setting give this the boost it needs to keep my eyes moving.
"Bound by our Sins" is a creative and exciting entry for this contest. I loved it! Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 19-May-2023
  |
Douglas, I have to say I didn't know where this was going until the BITTER end!
You're imaginative characters and setting give this the boost it needs to keep my eyes moving.
"Bound by our Sins" is a creative and exciting entry for this contest. I loved it! Best, JohnC
Comment Written 17-May-2023
reply by the author on 19-May-2023
-
Thanks for the well wishes, and awesome rating, John. People seem to like my little story. We shall see how it does!
Comment from Sanku
This was a fabulous entry for the contest .you have great imagination .I like how Carl out smarted both becky and the goons. The sight of money changed Carl's persona....all the best for the contest.
reply by the author on 17-May-2023
 |
This was a fabulous entry for the contest .you have great imagination .I like how Carl out smarted both becky and the goons. The sight of money changed Carl's persona....all the best for the contest.
Comment Written 17-May-2023
reply by the author on 17-May-2023
-
Thank you! I appreciate your kind words. I don't think there were any 'good people' in this little chiller!
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is very well written and even makes it clear why Carl killed three times. His choice in women was terrible. Becky more or less deserved her fate, if murder had to be done.
reply by the author on 17-May-2023
|
This is very well written and even makes it clear why Carl killed three times. His choice in women was terrible. Becky more or less deserved her fate, if murder had to be done.
Comment Written 16-May-2023
reply by the author on 17-May-2023
-
"If Murder Had To Be Done"
That would be an excellent book title. Thank you for the awesome review. I really appreciate the generous rating.
Comment from royowen
Well, surprise, surprise? The balls that Becky kept saying that Carl didn't have, have suddenly grown back! Well done Douglas, an excellent story my friend, you've written a really good one here, and with that great ending, that one finder in something shorter, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : Carl grabbed the flashlight and (shined) it. Shone?
reply by the author on 16-May-2023
|
Well, surprise, surprise? The balls that Becky kept saying that Carl didn't have, have suddenly grown back! Well done Douglas, an excellent story my friend, you've written a really good one here, and with that great ending, that one finder in something shorter, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : Carl grabbed the flashlight and (shined) it. Shone?
Comment Written 16-May-2023
reply by the author on 16-May-2023
-
Thanks! great catch. Appreciate you!
-
Most welcome
Comment from Ricky1024
Monet tis the Root to All Evil and All Ends.
As Ends End?
...
A Hard conclusion to all involved.
From the cheating women to those whom gained.
...
To take live id yo Ibvite Thy own, eventual dismise.
A Thought in addition yo this Ending?
Well, well Penned from the endless,
"Well"
Let it ever goeth Dry.
Doctor Ricky
reply by the author on 15-May-2023
|
Monet tis the Root to All Evil and All Ends.
As Ends End?
...
A Hard conclusion to all involved.
From the cheating women to those whom gained.
...
To take live id yo Ibvite Thy own, eventual dismise.
A Thought in addition yo this Ending?
Well, well Penned from the endless,
"Well"
Let it ever goeth Dry.
Doctor Ricky
Comment Written 15-May-2023
reply by the author on 15-May-2023
-
Keep the brain juices flowing good doctor! Thank you for your awesome review. I appreciate you!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Oh wow, Doug, that's a goodie! And I didn't see that coming. Excellent story telling and dialogue contained in very readable and well-spaced paragraphs and different font. She did deserve it though, didn't she? Bit of a tart! Ending superb. All ends tied up and Carl wins the day. The only error I could find is in the third word of your story - 'want' instead of wan't but you've more than made up for it:) Good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 14-May-2023
|
Oh wow, Doug, that's a goodie! And I didn't see that coming. Excellent story telling and dialogue contained in very readable and well-spaced paragraphs and different font. She did deserve it though, didn't she? Bit of a tart! Ending superb. All ends tied up and Carl wins the day. The only error I could find is in the third word of your story - 'want' instead of wan't but you've more than made up for it:) Good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 14-May-2023
reply by the author on 14-May-2023
-
Oh my I can?t believe nobody else caught that, including me. Great eye!
Comment from dellsworthpoet
An interesting combination of misfits. The narrative stays on point. The images are clear. The flow is good. The language is fitting to the situation. A nice ending that leaves us wondering what will happen to the main character next.
Suggestion:
I would think that the gravelly voice, which is quite trite, might be replaced with a candied voice with a sharp feeling like a knife's edge. Criminals do not always hate they often have no emotion at all, nothing matters but them.
Thanks for a good read.
reply by the author on 14-May-2023
|
An interesting combination of misfits. The narrative stays on point. The images are clear. The flow is good. The language is fitting to the situation. A nice ending that leaves us wondering what will happen to the main character next.
Suggestion:
I would think that the gravelly voice, which is quite trite, might be replaced with a candied voice with a sharp feeling like a knife's edge. Criminals do not always hate they often have no emotion at all, nothing matters but them.
Thanks for a good read.
Comment Written 14-May-2023
reply by the author on 14-May-2023
-
I was going for the mafia Italian thing. Didn?t quite get there?
-
The mafia boss thing is probably overstated. I find the portrayal in Goodfellows is more appropriate. These people wish to hide in polite society.
But, yes you did meet your goal in a Micky Spillane-type way.
Good read regardless.
Comment from Elizabeth Henderson
This was well written and read well with no grammar issues. Your imagery was good and it kept my interest until the end. Nice plot twist. Good job.
reply by the author on 14-May-2023
|
This was well written and read well with no grammar issues. Your imagery was good and it kept my interest until the end. Nice plot twist. Good job.
Comment Written 14-May-2023
reply by the author on 14-May-2023
-
Thanks!
Comment from karenina
What a ride this was! Your story grabbed me from the beginning and I must say although Carl seemed like a spineless blob, I began to think his girlfriend(s) deserved some sort of comeuppance! Holy cow! The best plot twists are the ones you don't see coming. Seems Carl had his fill of "pushy broads" and now (heh heh) the chiller/thriller turned into a killer!
Karenina
reply by the author on 10-May-2023
|
What a ride this was! Your story grabbed me from the beginning and I must say although Carl seemed like a spineless blob, I began to think his girlfriend(s) deserved some sort of comeuppance! Holy cow! The best plot twists are the ones you don't see coming. Seems Carl had his fill of "pushy broads" and now (heh heh) the chiller/thriller turned into a killer!
Karenina
Comment Written 10-May-2023
reply by the author on 10-May-2023
-
I?m glad you liked it. There is no better compliment than "Holy cow!" I so appreciate you, dear friend.
-
I am such a refined and highbrow reviewer right? Holy cow! (That's me!)
:)
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Douglas,
This was quite the story. You have a great imagination. I don't like basements, cob webs or spiders either, so I can relate. I suppose Becky didn't really deserve to be killed, but she was a pain. Let that be a lesson to other nags and ill tempered lovers. Well done pal. Good luck in the contest, although I don't think you'll need it.
Blessings,
Tom
reply by the author on 09-May-2023
|
Hello Douglas,
This was quite the story. You have a great imagination. I don't like basements, cob webs or spiders either, so I can relate. I suppose Becky didn't really deserve to be killed, but she was a pain. Let that be a lesson to other nags and ill tempered lovers. Well done pal. Good luck in the contest, although I don't think you'll need it.
Blessings,
Tom
Comment Written 09-May-2023
reply by the author on 09-May-2023
-
Thanks, Tom. We'll see how it goes!
