Shattered
A life shattered gradually repaired5 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A heartfelt story and I know this is fiction but this sort of thing does happen in life as people feel desperate and start drinking to escape the burden of life. Alcohol is responsible for all sorts of tragic things happening to innocent people in society, I am glad this story had a happy ending, good luck with the contest, love Dolly x
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A heartfelt story and I know this is fiction but this sort of thing does happen in life as people feel desperate and start drinking to escape the burden of life. Alcohol is responsible for all sorts of tragic things happening to innocent people in society, I am glad this story had a happy ending, good luck with the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 17-May-2023
Comment from country ranch writer
So any have lost their way due to the drink in their life. He was one of the lucky ones able to put his life and family back ï½"ï½?ï½?ï½?ï½"ï½?ï½?ï½?ã??ï½?ï½?ï½"ã??ï½?ï½?ï½?ï½?ã??ï½"ï½?ï½?ï½?ï½?ï½?ï½"ã??ï½?ï½?ï½"ã??ï½?ï½?ï½?ï½?ã??ï½?ï½?ï½"ã??ï½?ï½?ï½?ï½"ï½? saving.
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So any have lost their way due to the drink in their life. He was one of the lucky ones able to put his life and family back ï½"ï½?ï½?ï½?ï½"ï½?ï½?ï½?ã??ï½?ï½?ï½"ã??ï½?ï½?ï½?ï½?ã??ï½"ï½?ï½?ï½?ï½?ï½?ï½"ã??ï½?ï½?ï½"ã??ï½?ï½?ï½?ï½?ã??ï½?ï½?ï½"ã??ï½?ï½?ï½?ï½"ï½? saving.
Comment Written 16-May-2023
Comment from DeboraDyess
And hello, again!
I like this story and love the ending. I do have a couple of suggestions I believe will make it stronger.
Give the wife and daughter names. Referring to someone as 'wife' makes them less real. She seemed like a caring soul who wanted to be able to stay with her hubby. A name will make her more of a person to the reader. Same with the daughter and, possibly, even the therapist.
I am a dialogue person. (Beacause I love to talk, my own hubby says!) Can you change part of the narrative to dialogue? It would add interest to the story.
Whe n his wife and family leave, you have 'leaving Jake alone in the house' and then, in the next paragraph, you repeat that pretty close to word-for-word. I'd change it up a bit.
There are years not covered and that cannot be in a short story. But I wondered how Jake survived and managed to get drink. I'd put just a bit in there about him being homeless or begging for dollars or something. , the shame and humiliation of that which, of course, just made him more depressed and drunk. (Just a thought!)
Finally, at the end... Did Jake put that vase together on the sidewalk? That seems unrealistic. What about him gathering the pieces and taking 'a long time' at his home or halfway house and then carrying it with pride to the AA meeting? That seems to make more sense, at least to me.
I love the theme of the story. I'm certainly a 'second-chance' person and love that others can see that in the world.
Blessings,
Deb
reply by the author on 09-May-2023
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And hello, again!
I like this story and love the ending. I do have a couple of suggestions I believe will make it stronger.
Give the wife and daughter names. Referring to someone as 'wife' makes them less real. She seemed like a caring soul who wanted to be able to stay with her hubby. A name will make her more of a person to the reader. Same with the daughter and, possibly, even the therapist.
I am a dialogue person. (Beacause I love to talk, my own hubby says!) Can you change part of the narrative to dialogue? It would add interest to the story.
Whe n his wife and family leave, you have 'leaving Jake alone in the house' and then, in the next paragraph, you repeat that pretty close to word-for-word. I'd change it up a bit.
There are years not covered and that cannot be in a short story. But I wondered how Jake survived and managed to get drink. I'd put just a bit in there about him being homeless or begging for dollars or something. , the shame and humiliation of that which, of course, just made him more depressed and drunk. (Just a thought!)
Finally, at the end... Did Jake put that vase together on the sidewalk? That seems unrealistic. What about him gathering the pieces and taking 'a long time' at his home or halfway house and then carrying it with pride to the AA meeting? That seems to make more sense, at least to me.
I love the theme of the story. I'm certainly a 'second-chance' person and love that others can see that in the world.
Blessings,
Deb
Comment Written 08-May-2023
reply by the author on 09-May-2023
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Deb,
Thank you for your helpful review. I noted your comments and made a few changes per your suggestions. You are welcome to reread the story.
All the best,
Eugene
Comment from Mrs. KT
A splendid story of devastating challenges and eventually the road to recovery.
I especially enjoyed the part dealing with the shattered vase. How creative for you to create that scenario and what a powerful message.
Much enjoyed!
Thank you!
diane
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A splendid story of devastating challenges and eventually the road to recovery.
I especially enjoyed the part dealing with the shattered vase. How creative for you to create that scenario and what a powerful message.
Much enjoyed!
Thank you!
diane
Comment Written 06-May-2023
Comment from Douglas Goff
I am sure this mirrors many shattered lives. I enjoyed the vase analogy which really brought your point together.
Nice work and I wish you the best in the contest. I'm planning to enter with a story about a vase that nobody wanted and the owner threw on the ground and shattered. Then a broken man came along and fixed the vase wanting it. Ha!
Just kidding. Nice work!
D
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I am sure this mirrors many shattered lives. I enjoyed the vase analogy which really brought your point together.
Nice work and I wish you the best in the contest. I'm planning to enter with a story about a vase that nobody wanted and the owner threw on the ground and shattered. Then a broken man came along and fixed the vase wanting it. Ha!
Just kidding. Nice work!
D
Comment Written 06-May-2023
