Comment from Paul McFarland

Excellent

That last stanza is so very close to being perfect meter. You are going to surprise me some day. The picture you chose is a good one. Are they your grandchildren?

 Comment Written 01-May-2023

---

reply by the author on 01-May-2023

Just two boys

reply by the author on 01-May-2023

What about the rest of the poem?

reply by Paul McFarland on 01-May-2023

I'm going to change the next to last line to

Hearing birds that sweetly sing

Put that line into your poem, and then read just the last stanza. Read it three or four times. Do you hear how smoothly it sounds? Try to write one of the other stanzas so it will sound like the last one.

reply by the author on 01-May-2023

I have all the same syllables, 6.

reply by the author on 01-May-2023

All of the lines are the same syllables, 7

reply by the author on 01-May-2023

reply by Paul McFarland on 01-May-2023

Syllable count is only one item to consider when talking about meter. The accents on the syllables are just as important. Read, out loud, the line that you wrote, and then read, out loud, the line that I wrote. You should see the difference. Tell me what you think.

reply by the author on 01-May-2023

reply by the author on 01-May-2023

Yours has that in it, a word that should not be in poems.

reply by Paul McFarland on 02-May-2023

If it improves the meter, "that" is acceptable.

Comment from shelley kaye

Excellent

â??â??â??â??â??â??Snowflakes falling to the ground <-- the fanstory gremlins have left you little tidbits lol

these were wonderful poems
may i ask why you posted them together and not separately?

cute picture - always wanted a big brother lol...


thank you for sharing
shelley :)

 Comment Written 01-May-2023

---

reply by the author on 01-May-2023

I entered the contest late.

Comment from Alexandra Trovato

Excellent

I wish I had a six to give you! Good writing and you have written so much.i have my Masters degree in Literacy and I was a teacher for decades so I hope you will be glad to know.
I enjoyed reading both parts of your poem and chapter! :)) Alex

 Comment Written 01-May-2023

---

reply by the author on 01-May-2023

Thanks!