Mama
A child crying out for recognition by a parent.4 total reviews
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Diana,
welcome!
What a great post to arrive and be announced with on site.
I'm sure this poem and its sentiment will resonate with more than a few, as it did with me.
Of course the content and subject matter is a sad story, but way too common I'm sad to say.
The refrain using Mama is very effective and drives home the fact of the continuous need for validation, and or, the love and attention from the one who gave birth to them. I felt the emotion, as I did relive it.
I wish you all the very best in this contest Diana. Loved the emotionally driven content. If I could give just one opinion, a small one, I'd consider dropping the question mark after 'died', just the lack of that one gives greater strength to the actual questions asked... Do you hear me? Do you feel me? Etc... Does it detract from you poem? No, not one bit!
With our thoughts we create...
emotional connections.
Kind regards,
James.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2023
  |
Hi Diana,
welcome!
What a great post to arrive and be announced with on site.
I'm sure this poem and its sentiment will resonate with more than a few, as it did with me.
Of course the content and subject matter is a sad story, but way too common I'm sad to say.
The refrain using Mama is very effective and drives home the fact of the continuous need for validation, and or, the love and attention from the one who gave birth to them. I felt the emotion, as I did relive it.
I wish you all the very best in this contest Diana. Loved the emotionally driven content. If I could give just one opinion, a small one, I'd consider dropping the question mark after 'died', just the lack of that one gives greater strength to the actual questions asked... Do you hear me? Do you feel me? Etc... Does it detract from you poem? No, not one bit!
With our thoughts we create...
emotional connections.
Kind regards,
James.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2023
-
James, thank you for the thoughtful feedback on Mama. I am looking forward to being a member on this site and learning more about my craft, connecting with my peers. Here's to more emotional connections through writing! Diana
-
And I will be looking forward to reading any new writing you may post Diana.
Yes... here's to more emotional connections through writing... cheers!
Comment from Douglas Goff
Ah, motherhood. I never met mine. She was eaten by a shark six years before I was born.
Seriously, great piece of work. I enjoyed this.
Welcome to Fanstory. It's a mixed bag of nuts on here, but most are trying to help, with just a few wankers.
The standard rating is five stars. If something needs a lot of work give us a four star. If you really like something throw it a six, but use those sparingly as you only get six a week. They refresh on Sundays.
Don't take criticism too harshly. Most people are trying to help. Explore the site and have fun!
D
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2023
|
Ah, motherhood. I never met mine. She was eaten by a shark six years before I was born.
Seriously, great piece of work. I enjoyed this.
Welcome to Fanstory. It's a mixed bag of nuts on here, but most are trying to help, with just a few wankers.
The standard rating is five stars. If something needs a lot of work give us a four star. If you really like something throw it a six, but use those sparingly as you only get six a week. They refresh on Sundays.
Don't take criticism too harshly. Most people are trying to help. Explore the site and have fun!
D
Comment Written 20-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2023
-
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. It's a good thing she was able to have you six years later. What a miracle!
Seriously, thank you for the positive feedback. I really appreciate honest feedback with constructive criticism. Hopefully I can reciprocate. Diana
Comment from w.j.debi
It is so sad when parents play favorites and leave one child out of the mix except for when times are hard and they are needed. You've portrayed the emotion of betrayal well. Excellent response to the prompt. Good luck in the contest.
I see you are new to the site. Welcome. I look forward to reading more of your work.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2023
|
It is so sad when parents play favorites and leave one child out of the mix except for when times are hard and they are needed. You've portrayed the emotion of betrayal well. Excellent response to the prompt. Good luck in the contest.
I see you are new to the site. Welcome. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2023
-
Thank you for the positive feedback! I am looking forward to participating on the site.
Comment from Ginda Simpson
There can't be anything worse than feeling betrayed by a mother. Your words capture the anguish of not being seen or heard, especially when one longs so deeply to connect. It goes against nature and is so sad. This is a great entry for the contest. Best of luck.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2023
|
There can't be anything worse than feeling betrayed by a mother. Your words capture the anguish of not being seen or heard, especially when one longs so deeply to connect. It goes against nature and is so sad. This is a great entry for the contest. Best of luck.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2023
-
Thank you so much! You describe exactly the emotion I was trying to portray in this poem.
