Ghost
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Demise "Biography/Supernatural
5 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is tragic and so sad! And it is a credit to the absolute compelling nature of your story that I struggled through this awful font which desperately needs to be enlarged! (I had to use a magnifying glass). There are small edits here but, frankly, I had to overlook many due to eye strain:) I would say that you don't need to say small and little together in your last words. Your ability, Lea, to convey such emotion so palpably is a real gift. It's often the almost child-like simplicity of your imagery (your heart dropping out of your chest) that do it for me. Well done and good luck in the contest! Debbie
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2023
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This is tragic and so sad! And it is a credit to the absolute compelling nature of your story that I struggled through this awful font which desperately needs to be enlarged! (I had to use a magnifying glass). There are small edits here but, frankly, I had to overlook many due to eye strain:) I would say that you don't need to say small and little together in your last words. Your ability, Lea, to convey such emotion so palpably is a real gift. It's often the almost child-like simplicity of your imagery (your heart dropping out of your chest) that do it for me. Well done and good luck in the contest! Debbie
Comment Written 02-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2023
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Thank you, Debbie. I'm unsure how to change the font all at once without having to re-type it all. Do you know how? Thank you for your fine review and kind comments! I've made the corrections to the punctuation. Hope your day is great!
Comment from dellsworthpoet
An interesting, if tragic story. The flow is good. The images are clear. The narrative stays on point. The dialogue rings true.
I might suggest Grammerly since I find several grammar problems. I know many writers who use it.
Fly fishing with Cronameds in the spring.
For those not in the know, like me, you might define what Cronameds are.
Ogger to cut the hole
I think you might mean auger which is a screw-like drill.
"pick up truck"
usually spelled "pickup truck"
as they're quite often Is on the resorts during the summer months .
The "they're" should be there and since you are referring to multiple people the is should be are.
Wow acting like big league registered a scent of alcohol in the air.
There should be a comma after wow and it looks like you have two sentences here as in: "Wow, acting like big league. I registered a scent of alcohol in the air."
The tension and flow are good. Keep writing.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2023
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An interesting, if tragic story. The flow is good. The images are clear. The narrative stays on point. The dialogue rings true.
I might suggest Grammerly since I find several grammar problems. I know many writers who use it.
Fly fishing with Cronameds in the spring.
For those not in the know, like me, you might define what Cronameds are.
Ogger to cut the hole
I think you might mean auger which is a screw-like drill.
"pick up truck"
usually spelled "pickup truck"
as they're quite often Is on the resorts during the summer months .
The "they're" should be there and since you are referring to multiple people the is should be are.
Wow acting like big league registered a scent of alcohol in the air.
There should be a comma after wow and it looks like you have two sentences here as in: "Wow, acting like big league. I registered a scent of alcohol in the air."
The tension and flow are good. Keep writing.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2023
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Thank you for your kind review and suggestions! I've used Grammarly and think it looks much better. Thank you again and have a great day!
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You are welcome.
Comment from Paul McFarland
I was just looking back over your portfolio, Lea, when I came upon this true story. I am sorry that you had this experience. There are some things in life that we will carry forever. I hope you have had many happy experiences that are trying to force this bad one from your memory.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2023
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I was just looking back over your portfolio, Lea, when I came upon this true story. I am sorry that you had this experience. There are some things in life that we will carry forever. I hope you have had many happy experiences that are trying to force this bad one from your memory.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2023
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Thank you Paul for kind words, for your review and for your time have a great day!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a very sad story Lea and it is heartbreaking that this girl died but there was nothing that you could do to help. I suggest that you change the font on this write as the font you have chosen makes it really difficult to read. Thank you for sharing this harrowing experience with us, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2023
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This is a very sad story Lea and it is heartbreaking that this girl died but there was nothing that you could do to help. I suggest that you change the font on this write as the font you have chosen makes it really difficult to read. Thank you for sharing this harrowing experience with us, love Dolly x
Comment Written 06-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2023
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Thank you Dolly I will. And thanks for your review and comments I appreciate alot!
Have a great day!
Comment from ImaginosBuzzardoDesdinova
That was a terrible tragedy. No child should ever be visited by a Grim Reaper. I am so sorry this happened. It makes me wish that Death had a lower age limit. Eighteen and above only. At least at those ages, you can understand and cope with it better. Sadly, Death has no respect for the young.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2023
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That was a terrible tragedy. No child should ever be visited by a Grim Reaper. I am so sorry this happened. It makes me wish that Death had a lower age limit. Eighteen and above only. At least at those ages, you can understand and cope with it better. Sadly, Death has no respect for the young.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much it wasn't a hard thing to go through and it's sad goes. That way negligence of a drunk parent and a drunk friend. Thank you so much for your review and for your time and for your kind words. I'm very much appreciative thank you again have a great day!
